Beyond The Glass
by LiveInDakota
Summary: Long nights in the studio, and passionate artistic differences ignite, when multi Grammy-award winning Edward Cullen and new protegé Bella Swan are thrown together. Rated M for Pianoward, lemons and language... ON HIATUS.
1. A Mile High

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Welcome to the first chapter of BTG! This is my second fanfic and it's a far cry from my other one...I'm so excited about getting this out to y'all!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight...we just like to have fun with it :P**

**Enjoy! :)****

* * *

**

**Chapter One: A Mile High**

**Bella's POV**

"Isabella! Are you even listening to me?" No was the simple answer to that question. You would think that when a person has their earphones in, those around them would be wise enough not to talk. Not my mother.

I turned to her with a roll of my eyes as I plucked the ear bud from my ear. The sound of the airplane's engine roared around me before Renee's voice even registered.

There had been a time, a long time ago, when we got on well. Mother and daughter, always out and having a laugh. That was before all the madness with my career began. The second Renee announced herself as my manager, things started going downhill.

She became closed off from my father, from me, and from all her friends. The small town of Forks where I grew up became a place she despised and it wasn't long before she was hightailing it out of there. At the time, she talked me into leaving with her, telling me she could make my dreams come true and we could crack the business together.

I suppose she was partially right. I would never have had the same chances in Forks as I did in big cities like New York, Chicago and LA. I guess my dad Charlie, realised the same thing. In the past two years we had moved from Forks to Chicago, to Detroit, to Miami and finally to New York.

Our relationship was strained at best and it was at times like this, when Renee was showing her true self-centred and self-obsessed nature, that I missed Charlie the most. I had always been my daddy's little girl, and I wasn't ashamed of it. He got me more than any other person and understood when I needed to do things on my own. A tactic Renee had yet to learn.

"Isabella?" And what was with the Isabella? Sure, she had named me that, but I hadn't been Isabella for a very long time...until she took me away from Forks, that is. I despised my birth name, introducing myself as Bella everywhere I went. The only time I was "Isabella" was when Renee was doing the introductions.

"I want you to stop listening to that damned music and get some sleep! We have a long couple of days in front of us and I don't want you screwing it up." I fought the tears that were pricking at the back of my eyes at her words. It had been a long time since I had received encouragement or compliments from my own mother, but I guess I still wasn't used to the detached, business-like tone she used with me.

"I'm thirsty..." Without waiting for an answer, I stood from my seat and stretched my legs. It still amazed me that we could afford first class, but any time I asked about something to do with our finances, Renee would scream at me for being ungrateful.

There was only one other person in their seat in our section of the plane, a massive guy who was snoring his head off on the opposite side of the plane. I briefly wondered how he even fit in his seat, before I asked myself why I even cared.

I noticed the seat beside him had a bag and a jacket on it, as did the seat behind, telling me I wasn't the only one wanting a walk. I left Renee with her head in a pile of paperwork and headed in the direction of the bar, the only part of the flight-attendant's speech that had actually caught my attention.

I popped my head through the navy curtain and noticed with some sense of relief that there was no one else there. Guess our first class companions were at the toilet or in the games suite. Yeah, I rolled my eyes at that, too. What plane needs a game suite?

"What can I get for you, miss?" The young man behind the bar looked at me kindly as I sat on one of the empty stools.

"Just a club soda and lime, thanks." I smiled gratefully as he turned his attention to mixing my drink, before resting my head on my arms on the top of the bar.

I was only nineteen. Legal to drink in hundreds of countries throughout the world and even some states in America too, but unfortunately I couldn't sit there and drown my sorrows legally and pass out drunk so that I didn't have to listen to Renee for the remainder of our trip. Oh yeah, I was supposed to be sleeping.

I heard the barman set the glass down in front of me and mumbled thanks in return, not bothering to look up at him. A warm chuckle to my right interrupted my thoughts and stupor as I raised my head to find the source of the rich timbre.

If it had been quiet enough, I swear we would have both heard the sound of my jaw hitting the top of the bar. Sitting only two stools away from me was one of the hottest guys on the planet. Not only that, he was also the number one bachelor in nearly every prominent magazine's list. A player, drinker, and womaniser who had been hauled over the coals by his last recording studio for his _extra-curricular _activities.

Dazzling green eyes, a five o'clock shadow, dark bruises under his eyes and the prefect definition of "sex-hair" completed the Adonis like creature facing me. My eyes raked over his lean arms leaning on the bar, the way his t-shirt clung perfectly to his chest, abs that had featured in thousands of wet dreams across the world, and the chiselled jaw that led my eyes to the lips even I had fantasized about.

Jesus, even looking like shit he looked fucking hot. I blushed dangerously hot as I realised I had been blatantly ogling the man in front of me, and sent a silent prayer in thanks that I hadn't started drooling in my virtually comatose state. Edward fucking Cullen was sitting at a bar beside me, on a practically empty first class flight to Los Angeles. How the fuck had I not noticed this earlier?

"Bad day?" I fought the stupid damn whimper that nearly left me at the sound of his honey voice. Is that what liquid sex felt like? It sure came damn close, anyway. "Scotch on the rocks, mate." My mouth salivated at his British accent and I had to remind myself that I was supposed to be answering a question.

"In the grand scheme of things probably not...it's just one of those days you know?" I blushed even deeper at my attempt at conversation. I had just asked Edward Cullen if he knew what I was talking about. How many shitty days with oppressive mothers does he fucking have? I mentally slapped my forehead and focused back on the cool glass on the bar in front of me.

"Well, here's to shit days and people you would like nothing more than to say fuck off to." I whipped my head round to see him holding his glass up in a toast and looking at me expectantly. Truth was, my brain couldn't get past the fact that he had just cursed, and it was one of the sexiest things I had ever heard.

"Cheers!" Somehow, I managed to scrape my brain off the floor and mumble an answer. His eyes closed lightly as his drink slid down his throat and of course, I used the extra few seconds to watch him.

I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly too dry, as I watched his Adam's apple bob when he swallowed. His hand raked through his glorious hair as his other set his tumbler back on the bar and I watched it in fascination, wanting nothing more than to do it myself.

When he turned back to look at me, I quickly diverted my attention to my own glass and focused myself on not dribbling or choking, knowing his eyes were still trained on me as I drank up. There really was no use in trying to battle my blush; Edward Cullen was looking at me, of course I was going to fucking blush.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" No, just turned on.

"No, yeah...I don't know..." He chuckled as I sighed in exasperation at myself. You'd think I would try to act at least semi-normal in the company of one of the sexiest guys on the planet, but there I was, a stuttering, blushing idiot, as usual.

"I'll take that as a yes." His brow furrowed momentarily and I chastised myself for making him annoyed. He was only being polite after all, he didn't have to be talking to me at all.

"I'm sorry." He raised his hand between us and with a flick, dismissed my apology before downing the rest of his scotch.

"Why?" At my look of confusion, he continued. "Why are you uncomfortable?" Because merely talking to you is making me wet. Shit, did I just think that? What the fuck was this guy doing to me?

"Because, I mean..." I waved my hand at the length of his body, taking a gulp of my drink for the need of something else to concentrate on.

He chuckled again and I briefly wondered if I was really that funny, because he had done nothing but laugh at me since he sat down. "I think I need more than that." He copied my hand movement with a smile, his eyes not moving from mine.

"Because you're Edward Cullen. The mere mention of your name has women all over the planet dropping into sugar induced comas!" Fuck, I did not just say that. I slapped my hand over my mouth, mortified as his face stayed eerily free of emotion. "That's my cue to leave." I placed my empty glass back on the bar and spun on my stool until I was facing the other way.

As my feet slid down onto the floor, a cool hand wound around my elbow, halting me and my breath in their tracks. Oh. My. God. Edward Cullen was touching me. I nearly melted onto the fucking floor at the zap I felt across my skin. When I turned to look at him, his eyes were focused on where he had touched me. Had he felt that too? Stupid static shock.

I waited until he looked back up to me, all my breath leaving me in a whoosh at the smile that was gracing his lips. It wasn't his cocky smirk, or his arrogant tight-lipped smile or even a grimace, but a genuine "lips half turned up" smile. I blushed again, of course, and smiled back nervously, wondering why he was suddenly happy and still touching me.

"How about we start again?" He arched his eyebrow as he waited for my answer, but I completely forgot the question as I imagined licking it.

Who the fuck wants to lick an eyebrow? He made everything fucking sexy. The way his eyebrow pulled his eye up made him look sexily out of proportion, and I had to hold myself back from launching myself at him and running my fingers over the lines that had appeared on his forehead. I was so fucking far-gone it was ridiculous. I nodded infinitesimally, knowing I had a fifty percent chance of answering correctly.

"I'm Edward." He unwound his fingers from my arm and held his hand out to me in greeting. I placed my fingers against his, happy that I was still touching him.

"Bella," I answered quietly. He smiled again and I couldn't help but smile back. He looked so different when he smiled. Like the weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders for just a few seconds. "Si, lo sei. Bella. Bello." He waved his hand as he said both, acting as if it meant the same thing. I guess it kind of did.

Edward Cullen was speaking another language. Oh. My. God. How the hell I managed to stay standing I will never know. He just called me beautiful. I decided not to let on that I could actually understand him, and settled on what I hoped was my best "bewildered" look. My grandmother was Italian and was adamant until the day she died that her grandchildren spoke Italian in her home. I never really thought it would come in handy. I sent a silent prayer of thanks to wherever she was residing.

"So Bella, what, may I ask, is taking you from the Big Apple to the entertainment capital of the world?" His hand dropped from mine and I swear I nearly pouted as he rested it on his thigh. What I wouldn't give to be his hand. Fuck, I had to concentrate; I had nearly missed every question he had asked me.

"Business." I deliberately kept it vague and smiled when he arched his eyebrow at me again.

"That's all I'm getting?"

"Well, you have to learn to ask the right questions..." I trailed off. Was I flirting? Where the hell had that come from? He knew it too, because that fucking eyebrow was becoming more and more arched every time I spoke.

"I didn't realise this was a game."

"It's not. But it is a girl's prerogative to be mysterious." What the fuck was I talking about? I'd tell this man anything he wanted to know just so I could continue listening to his voice.

"That you are, Miss Bella; that you are. I can't seem to read you at all..." He looked annoyed by his own assessment before thanking the barman for his unasked refill.

"Years of disappointment and rejection. You learn to hide your emotions pretty well after a while." I shrugged, watching intently as my glass was filled up before me.

It seemed my filter was gone too. He really didn't need to know that much information. When I looked back round he was watching me with a frown, but he didn't look annoyed or frustrated. I didn't know what he was thinking until he held his glass up between us again.

"I'll drink to that." I chinked my glass against his and watched as he downed his in one.

"You might want to slow up on the Jack there; you need to get through swarms of screaming fans and masses of paparazzi when you land."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just Edward, remember?" He smirked at me and I blushed. This guy could get anything he wanted through the way he looked and he knew it too.

No wonder he was such a womanizer, I suddenly didn't blame any woman he came across. None of us were that resilient. One look and even I was under his spell, whether he wanted me to be or not.

"Okay, just Edward. What are you going to Los Angeles for? Clearly it's not home..."

"Touché." He smiled, knowing I had obviously picked up on his accent. Not that that was needed, everyone knew Edward Cullen's back-story. Born and raised in London, where his family still stayed. "Business of course." I rolled my eyes as he chuckled at me.

"Touché, Mr Cullen..." I took a sip of my club soda and noticed with interest that Edward's eyes were on my lips as I did so.

Feeling ridiculously brave, I picked my slice of lime from the side of my glass and raised it to my lips. Edward's eyes widened slightly as I placed my glass back on the countertop and slid the lime between my parted lips. I sucked it lightly, keeping my eyes on the wall behind the bar, suddenly feeling ridiculous for even trying to make an impact. This was Edward fucking Cullen. Why was I even bothering?

I heard him gulp loudly as I put the lime on my napkin and licked the juice from my fingers. Was it working? My eyes flew to his of their own accord and my heart stopped at the look he was giving me. His eyes were narrowed and the green forest had turned almost black. Fuck, that was sexy. I groaned quietly when he licked his lips, causing him to look back to my eyes.

"Bella..." My name fell as a quiet whisper from his lips and it had never sounded better.

"Isabella!" Shit, that wasn't quite the same. I groaned again, this time out of sheer frustration. Edward's eyes snapped to a spot over my shoulder and I watched as all his previous emotions drained out of him. He just looked impassive as I turned to my mother.

"I know I'm your manager, but I don't expect to have to check up on you every ten minutes!"

"I told you I was getting a drink, Renee." I tried not to sound petulant but her name was definitely spat out, no matter how hard I tried, my growing disgust for my mother's behaviour was hard to hide. Especially when she demanded that I not call her mom.

"And I told you, you need sleep before our meetings. It would be just like you to make a fool of us and ruin it." My eyes watered as she continued to attack me in front of two complete strangers. One of whom was Edward freaking Cullen. As if hearing my thoughts Edward cleared his throat, effectively interrupting Renee's rant. Her eyes flicked to him and I turned on my heel.

"Oh my! Renee Higgins, big fan..." She sidled up to him and I had never wanted to slap my mom so hard in my life before. Something inside me screamed "mine!" as she placed her hand in his.

Not wanting to stick around and listen to my mother flirt with the same guy I had moments before, I turned on my heel. Edward's eyes caught mine, green on brown, as I tried to stealthily wipe away my tears. I was rooted, compelled to stay, staring into his green irises as he tried to tell me something. But the moment Renee laid her hand on his arm, his eyes flew back to her and our moment was over.

I don't know whom I was kidding. There was probably never a "moment" in the first place. I turned again and sidled back through the navy curtain, not bothering to hide my tears, thinking no one would see them anyway.

I trudged back to my seat and sank into it. Pulling the blanket round me, I turned so that I was facing the window and tucked my legs up underneath me on the seat. I pressed play on my iPod, the blaring music obvious before I even put the buds in my ears, and closed my eyes, not caring that more tears leaked out and tracked down my face.

I hoped that seeing my tears would make Renee feel guilty about her actions, but even as I sat there alone, I knew it wouldn't happen. She just didn't seem to care anymore. The money and thought of success appealed to her far more than her own daughter's welfare.

I cried harder, wanting nothing more than to be back at home with my dad, or making this possible life-changing journey with him instead. I missed him more each day and felt guilty for doing so. There were some who didn't have a parent at all; Charlie wasn't dead, he just wasn't with me.

I jumped as something tapped my shoulder but as I turned, expecting it to be Renee, I was surprised to see a tiny girl with black spiky hair looking at me sadly. She must be the other missing passenger, who was with Edward. Shit, that was all I needed. I pulled one bud out of my ear and looked at her, wondering why she was even standing there.

"You looked like you could do with one." She waved a packet in front of my face and I looked at it in confusion.

I read over the blurb on the front and smiled faintly. She was handing me a make-up wipe. In her other hand was a mirror and on the seat beside me, she had placed a packet of tissues. I laughed quietly as my eyes took in all the things she had brought over to me.

"Thanks."

She smiled kindly as I plucked a wipe from the packet. I silently mopped my face, getting rid of the mascara streaks on my cheeks with aid of her mirror, before putting the used wipe in the bag of rubbish at my feet. When I pulled a handkerchief out of the other packet, she collected her things.

"Don't mention it!" She smiled once more before turning on her four-inch heels and walking back to her seat.

This time I curled myself up with my back to the window. I flicked through my songs, looking for one to fit my mood, ignoring Renee as she sat back down in the seat in front of me.

When the guitar started to filter through to me, I looked up from the machine in my hands, my eyes immediately settling on familiar green that set my frazzled emotions into a calm numbness. He was looking at me carefully as he stretched his legs out in front of him, probably thankful for the abundance of space you got in a first class booth. No neighbours, plenty of space, privacy if you need it.

I smiled at him faintly, no longer up to anything that took any effort and closed my eyes, knowing that his eyes were still on me, his gaze setting my skin on fire with a pleasant blaze. I blushed and could have sworn I heard him chuckle during the quiet in my song. If I was guessing right, then I could get at least five hours sleep before we arrived.

Five hours of dream-filled sleep. Five hours of Edward-filled dreams. I snuggled deeper into the blanket and let exhaustion finally sweep over me.

_"It's amazing  
__How you can speak  
Right to my heart  
Without saying a word,  
You can light up the dark  
Try as I may  
I could never explain  
What I hear when  
You don't say a thing."_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**So? Should I just stop now? Who knows the song without Googling it?**

**Please review! And you can follow all the BTG news over on twitter (at) LiveInDakota**

**See you next week! I hope :P**

**xx**


	2. First Impressions

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**So****...like 3 people reviewed the last one...this chapter is going up as a trial. It did much better over on Twilighted so I might keep it over there, I'm sure those of you that want to stick with it will head over for me :P There's no point keeping it here if I'm not getting any feedback :)**

**I turned 18! Had a massive Halloween party! :) Best week ever :)**

**I hope y'all enjoy this a little more than the last one :/**

**SM owns all things Twilight.**

**

* * *

**

I stood staring at the door, my nerves overwhelming everything else in my system, even the sickness that I had been feeling for the past few days. The stone building in front of me was an emancipation of the wealth and power of the company it housed.

A high, vaulted glass door with _Volturi _written in frosted letters at the top now completed the archway, where once there would have been a heavy oak door. Even from the busy, main street, the marble floors, dark polished wood, and immaculate staff could be seen everyday, acting a play each day for the passing world to see.

Men and women, in their best attire, walked the steps into the grand entryway in their dozens but for the real talent, you would have to scope out the back. Limo upon limo stretched out in front of the back doors, shuttling the elite of this business in and out with as little hassle as could be managed. Of course, the paparazzi still hoarded themselves around the electronic gates, bartering for the best and newest picture of the latest goings on inside the prestigious offices.

The only thing running through my head was "I don't belong here!" I shook my head to try to dispel my feelings but they were right there at the forefront of my mind, and I wasn't sure anyone or anything could shift them.

Renee climbed out of the cab behind me, dressed just as immaculately as those we were following in through the doors. No one else was shaking with nerves; refraining from stretching out their hand in case someone noticed. It all mattered. Everything I had ever dreamed of rested on the next hour. With Renee constantly reminding me of my fuck-ups in life and how I had almost ruined hers, the pressure was fucking on.

"Good morning...do you have an appointment?" The girl behind the desk was drop dead gorgeous, not a hint of make-up graced her face and with her hair scraped back into a "professional" up-do, she was flawless. If I had been feeling bad about myself before, she had unknowingly made me feel worse.

"Yes, nine o'clock with Felix and Caius." My mom's voice made me shiver as it grated on my remaining nerves. Why was it that everything about her had been annoying me ten times more since my run in with Edward Cullen on the plane? Was it because she had made me feel like shit and made me look stupid in front of the most gorgeous man on the planet? Probably. Why was everything I thought about taking me back to Edward? He had been front and centre of my mind for the past three days and nothing I did could get rid of him. Not that I wanted to get rid of him completely, just enough to actually function normally.

"Miss Swan?" My head whipped round at the sound of my name and I looked at the young woman in confusion.

"No, Miss Higgins," replied the receptionist. Heidi, as her name tag read, looked at my mom for only a split second before checking her computer screen again.

"I'm afraid not Miss Higgins, the appointment is with Miss Swan alone; if you want to change it I can probably fit in another one in a few weeks?" Even Heidi could tell that wasn't the answer my mom had been looking for, not that she knew Renee was my mom; different surnames and all.

"No, that appointment is fine Heidi, thank you." Fuck! Where the hell had that come from? My shaking only intensified as I zeroed my eyes in on our receptionist. My mom was no doubt killing me with some stare and I hadn't the resolution to face her.

Heidi smiled at me warmly, much more warmly than any look she had given my mom before she handed over a few sheets of paper and pointed me to one of the elevators in the lobby to my right.

"Tom will take you up and there is another desk on Felix's floor, so just ask there and Lauren should point you straight through." It was easy to notice the way her whole demeanour changed when she mentioned Felix's name. I felt sorry for her, having a crush on her boss, before I realised that maybe it was more than a crush. I knew nothing about any of these people. They might already be a couple for all I knew.

"Miss Higgins, feel free to stay down here, or you can leave." Heidi waved her hand at the door and I had to battle the laugh that was bubbling up inside of me. Nerves.

"Isabella! I want you back at the hotel no later than three! Do you understand me?" I did a double take as I turned to face my mom. She was leaving me here? And she was giving me spare hours? What the hell was going on? It was obvious she wasn't happy about the turn of events but she wasn't putting up a fight as I thought she might.

I couldn't remember the last time I did something like this without her there, not letting me get a word in edgeways. I was suddenly beyond nervous as she turned on her heel and clip-clopped her way across the marble floor to the door. I wasn't entirely sure I could do this without her. I had never done this without her before and this was the most important one.

"You'll be fine...Felix already loves you Bella." I looked to Heidi in shock. She was smiling at me warmly, sincerity lacing her tones. She was definitely involved with Felix.

"I...I don't know if I can do this." I looked weakly at the elevators and Tom, who was standing to the side waiting on me.

"Okay...so I'm not supposed to say this sort of thing but with how much you've been talked about you'd think you already worked here. Bella you're gonna bag this with very little effort; never mind the wicked witch of the west!" I giggled before I registered I was doing it. Renee had been called many things in front of me, but Heidi was so disgusted and yet still trying to be as nice as possible knowing I was clearly close to her.

"Trust me, that's easier said than done. She always does this sort of thing."

"Well maybe that's why you haven't gotten anything yet. They want you Bella, not the evil sidekick." She was still smiling, not caring that the phone was ringing, and her attitude floored me. Maybe I could fit in. Despite the professional veneer, if everyone were even half as kind and genuine as Heidi, then working there would be a breeze. _You need to get the spot first Bells. _

"Thank you...maybe I should go...I don't think being late would make a good impression!" We both laughed lightly as I picked up my bag from the floor at my feet.

"I don't think it would matter, Bella!" She laughed across the lobby at me as I walked across to Tom and I turned with a smile but she was already on the phone, completely back into work mode. I liked her.

"Good morning, Miss Bella, which floor?" I was about to ask how Tom knew my name but I knew his so I let it slide, telling him I was on floor four, one from the top, as we stepped into the elevator.

The enclosed space did nothing to rid me of my rising nerves. Now that Heidi wasn't near me, they were attacking me more than ever. Maybe I could hire her just to keep me calm? God knows what she got paid by this lot, so probably not. I could never match a wage that high. Why was I even thinking that again?

"Welcome to Felix's Fortress!" I looked at Tom incredulously, worried that a man in his fifties was even saying such a thing.

"Sorry Miss, he demands that's what we call it. To anyone normal it's just the fourth floor!" I laughed lightly and noticed Tom smile widely beneath his moustache as he ushered me out of the elevator. "This is where I leave you; be sure to tell me the news on your way out!" He gave a little bow before backing into the box and I watched with rising insecurities as he too left me. I was alone and I was being watched.

I turned to find what was causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end and found the reception desk Heidi had told me about. Sitting behind the high glass desk was another girl, the complete polar opposite of Heidi herself.

I had no doubts that she was equally as pretty but it was hard to tell under the inch thick plastering of foundation she had on her face. I could see with a shudder that her face was a completely different colour from her neck and hands. She was smiling at me, obviously in welcome, but it was having the opposite effect on me, her predatory and barely hidden sneer causing my skin to crawl. I was about to speak up and ask her where to go when another voice chimed in, soft and low, from the doorway to my left.

"Isabella Swan, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" I wasn't sure how to answer or even who was speaking to me, so I stayed quiet and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.

The owner of the voice was young, late twenties at the most, with tanned olive skin and sheer black hair that poked up every which way. He smiled warmly at me, causing all of my worries to evaporate as if they never existed. His tall frame took up the entire doorway but it wasn't domineering, as his slim but muscled body twisted to allow me to pass.

"Felix Volturi, grandson and prodigy!" His joking tone and friendly smile made me laugh as he clasped my hand in his and shook it energetically. He was like a five year old in a man's body. I was beginning to see what Heidi saw in him. Not to mention his grace and good looks, he was funny and kind so far.

"It's nice to meet you." I, very embarrassingly, nearly curtsied in my nervous state but stopped it just in time, flushing at the weird move I had just made. A chuckle from behind me alerted me to the fact that "caked in make-up" girl was still there.

"Lauren! Do something useful and get our guest something to drink, what will it be Bella?" I flushed as they both looked at me and I mumbled, "Coffee thanks, black no sugar." I wasn't used to people asking me things when in a meeting. This was dangerous new territory for me.

"How about we have a chat in my office Bella?" I nodded and followed him as he turned and padded quietly down the wide carpeted hall behind where he had been standing.

His office was deceptively large, looking too big to even sit at the end of the hall on this floor. My jaw was slack as I took a quick glance around it, noticing with wonder the signed photographs adorning the walls, the wall of windows that looked out over the hill we were on, and the sleek furniture that finished his office off perfectly.

"Take a seat, Miss Swan." I gulped as he changed to using my full name. This was where things really started to matter. He noticed my discomfort almost immediately and offered me a warm smile as Lauren strode in brandishing coffee.

No really, she was brandishing it. She stuck it under my nose first and I got such a fright that I nearly batted it all over her. Noticing she was probably in danger if she stood there any longer, she placed it noisily on the desk and left with a flick of her hair. I rolled my eyes before picking up the cup, wiping the desk underneath to make sure it hadn't left a mark on the expensive looking wood. When I glanced back up, Felix was watching me with a small smile on his lips, causing me to blush again.

"Well Bella, this really won't take long." I bit my lip, battling the tears at the thought that I had somehow already mucked up. Renee was seriously going to kill me if I turned up with nothing. He was back to using my name and nothing this important would be quick.

"It's okay really, you don't have to explain." I took a quick sip of my coffee, noticing with a grimace that it was one of the worst I had ever tasted and wondered what to do with it when I left.

"Bella!" I jumped; startled that Felix was calling me when I was only across the desk from him. I bit my lip again. "Would you stop worrying please? You've done nothing else since you got here!" He chuckled lightly and my eyes widened. Maybe he wasn't chucking me out after all.

"Now, I know you didn't make this appointment, or set anything up but I sure am glad I had the sense to only make it us. Miss Higgins was it?" I nodded. "She was a little...aggressive on the phone, but you, you I can work with." He was smiling and I nearly choked on air. Was he honestly saying what I thought he was?

"If you can keep your manager away as much as possible, I'm pretty sure we'll all be very happy to have you here." I laughed as he winked at me, all unease gone as I let myself hope for the first time in years.

"Does that mean...are you...I mean am I?" He chuckled again, holding up his hand to stop me.

"Yes Bella, you are officially hired! You'll need to come by tomorrow to sign the contracts with our legal team present of course but for today feel free to tour around, talk to people, use what you like, annoy who you want about that God awful coffee!" I laughed loudly as he nodded at the cup in my hands with a look of mock disgust on his face. I wasn't the only one who thought Lauren's coffee making skills left something to be desired.

"Oh. My. God. You're not kidding?" Felix looked at me as if I was mad before shaking his head quite vehemently.

"Not at all, Miss Swan, Volturi Records would love to have you as part of their team. In all seriousness, you are a very talented young woman." He wasn't being sleazy or patronising and I felt the tears well up at the sincerity that I had been surrounded with since walking into the building.

"But I mean...I've barely been here twenty minutes. Oh my God...I can't believe this is actually happening!" I giggled nervously, flicking my eyes to the wall beside me, my gaze floating over dozens of famous artists that I had only dreamed of working beside.

"Miss Swan, we've been listening to your demo for weeks; I think I might be driving Heidi mad, she may even be getting jealous!" He laughed as he raked his hand through his hair and I smiled.

"You two are very lucky, she's lovely." I blushed, embarrassed that I had just said that to my future boss but he only smiled wider.

"She started here like four months ago; I swear I fell in love with her the second she walked across that marble floor..." He was joking lightly, but it was obvious he was still being deadly serious.

It was heart-warming to know things like that still existed. I had never had a serious boyfriend, or even a friend who was a boy. Not that I had any friends that were girls either. My parents weren't exactly the poster couple for blossoming love. I sighed gently, letting my mushy girl side take over for a minute as I wondered if I would be the same. Whirlwind romance that ended in hate? Any romance? I doubted it.

The only guy I had ever spent any time honestly thinking about was the world's most sought after bachelor and playboy. Sure, I had spoken to him for like ten minutes, probably more than most of the woman he had even bedded, but it wasn't as if I was ever going to see him again. Apart from every magazine stand I walked past in the city. At least I knew he was in the same city as me, until he moved again of course.

"Penny for your thoughts, Miss Bella?" I looked back to Felix who was watching me with a knowing look and a smile.

"Oh you know, just the usual celebrity crush." I giggled as he waggled his eyebrows at me.

"Oh I wouldn't say I was a celebrity, Bella." I laughed again, thankful that he was laughing with me. "Who's the lucky guy?" He phrased it as if it was actually going to happen and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh you know, Edward Cullen, the centre of every girls thoughts. I'm afraid I'm just as shallow as every other girl out there; but at least I got a conversation out of him!" He laughed but I still caught the surprised look that passed across his face. Why would he be surprised? Surely, in his line of business he knew the appeal Edward Cullen had for the ladies?

"A conversation? Really? I've heard he's more the brooding and silent type." He chuckled again but this time it was slow and died off, making me unsure of where our conversation was going.

"Maybe I dreamed it all up on the plane, eh? That would be just my luck." I stood from the chair, ending our talk, as I felt uncomfortable about Felix's growing silence. For some reason I got the feeling he wasn't happy about what I had started.

"Right well, I have a stack of paperwork and two more meetings to get through so I'll have to chuck you out just for now." He smiled again letting me know he wasn't being entirely serious, and I wondered if I'd imagined the tension from five minutes before. "Heidi and I are going for lunch down the road at around one, I'd love it if you joined us?" Well he didn't hate me anyway.

"I don't want to impose, or be a third wheel." He laughed good-naturedly and waved me off. I watched as he reached for the phone and wondered if that was his way of getting rid of me but decided that wasn't like him. With only two buttons punched, I heard the phone ring on speaker.

"Reception!" I could hear the smile in her voice and wondered if she'd known it was him.

"Baby, Bella's joining us for lunch, is that okay?" I cringed; he'd phrased it like she had no choice.

"Of course! Hey Bella! Told you, didn't I?"

"I guess you did Heidi. Thanks." We both giggled and I laughed harder at the confused look on Felix's face.

I tried to give them a moment and walked to the wall to take a closer look at the photos on the wall. I was awed at the extensive work Volturi Records had done. There wasn't one name missing from their hall of fame, everyone who was anyone was on that wall and I smiled at the thought that in twenty-four hours I would be part of the same legacy.

"I'm sorry Caius couldn't be here Bella, but his wife isn't too well at the moment." I spun around as Felix ended his call.

"Oh no, is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah, the doctors say she just needs some rest and Caius took the time off to spend it with her." My heart panged; yet another head over heels in love couple.

"That's fine. I'm sure I'll meet him some day," I smiled.

"You sure will, now I'm sorry to rush you out but today is a busy day!"

"Of course! I guess I'll go annoy Heidi for a while!" He chuckled again and I gave him a small wave as I left his office.

Heidi was the only person I could ask about anything and I was mighty glad I even had her. Lauren sneered at me, not even bothering to hide it this time, as I walked past her. Something inside me said she would never like me and that I shouldn't even try. I had the job anyway right?

"Thanks for the coffee there Lauren, have you ever made some for yourself?" I smiled as she growled at me from her perch behind the high desk, but both of us were startled out of our "bitching" session by a warm chuckle that floated out of the elevator.

_Why did that chuckle sound so familiar?_

* * *

_"_Trying to push the past away

Still waiting for the lights to change

Try, try for the sake of their pride, pride

Learning to barely feel the pain

Thicker the skin, the less the strain

And though it's really hurting

She ain't breaking, breaking, breaking

'Cause she's loving him still, after all this time."

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Please review this time? Song without Googling it?**

**And you can follow all the BTG goss over on twitter with me (at)LiveInDakota**

**xx**


	3. Home

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and added this story as a favourite last week! I love you all! Not the response I'd love to have, but to those of you that are with me, I thank you all :P**

**SM owns all things Twilight...I'm just one of the many who loves to play around with it :P And all lyrics belong to their respective owners :)**

**Enjoy xx**

* * *

**Chapter Three: Home**

Bella's POV

My heart rate quickened, my palms became sweaty, and I suddenly felt completely underdressed. It shouldn't even have taken the five seconds it had to place the warm, fuzzy feeling that that one laugh had set over me. I had been fantasising about hearing it again for days.

I turned on my heel so that I could feast my eyes on Edward again, but my tiny, baby heel caught on the carpet, catching my other leg as I turned. Lauren's eye caught mine, and I swear I saw her smirk smugly, but as I fell face-first towards the floor, the only thing I could concentrate on, was not killing myself.

But the floor never came. Instead, my hands found purchase on soft material that I grasped immediately. I was staring at the floor, but my body was suspended in mid air. It took me a few minutes to register the two searing hot patches on my body, one on my stomach and the other on my hip. They were hands, and the contact was sending electric shocks through my skin, heating it up to the point of blazing, white-hot heat.

With the smallest of pressure on those points, I was back on my feet and eye level with my saviour's chest. The material I had grasped was the lapels of said person's suit, and I immediately released it, cursing myself for having crushed it. I was smoothing it back out again before I realised that I hadn't looked up, or thanked my saviour, and there was a room full of people watching me.

With one last brush of my fingers, I released the expensive material and looked up into the cold, hard eyes of Edward Cullen. It was hard for me to reconcile his beautiful face with the hatred emanating from his every pore. I flinched under his intense gaze and immediately took a step back, my face flaming even more with embarrassment at what I could only assume was rejection.

I wondered how he could make me feel rejected with just a single look. He hadn't spoken a word, and I couldn't imagine what I'd done to invoke such hatred. That one look made me feel naive, and immature, for fantasising constantly about the man in front of me. One who clearly wanted nothing to do with me.

Harmless flirting was what I stored our first meeting under. He probably thought he'd never see me again. His day sounded like it had been stressful, and I knew he had been drinking. I couldn't believe I had fallen for it. Shamefully, I felt tears begin to prick at my eyes, as I realised just how stupid I had been.

Without a word, he turned his back on me and focussed his attention on Lauren. I looked myself over, making sure my black and white dress wasn't sitting in a precarious position after my fall. The halter neck, I had been happy to find, gave me what looked like a bust, but after the look Edward had given me, I felt cheap and unwanted.

I pulled my long mahogany hair down over my shoulders, unsuccessfully trying to hide the blush that bloomed even across my exposed chest. It had been too warm out for a cardigan, so the striped dress and black kitten heels were all I was wearing.

When I looked back up, I noticed the same two people who had been on my flight. The girl with the spiky black hair was watching Edward with a puzzled look on her face, and I hoped she was also wondering what the hell had just happened. The other, the massive sleeping form, was no longer asleep, but was watching me with amusement and curiosity in his eyes.

He smiled as I caught his gaze, and his whole demeanour changed from threatening to cute and cuddly in an instant. I couldn't help but smile back, my mood shifting somewhat. _He _wasn't disgusted by me.

"Of course, Mr. Cullen! Can I get you anything?" I rolled my eyes as Lauren's voice broke through my thoughts, clearly answering something Edward had asked her. Her double entendre was pretty damn obvious. I wondered briefly if guys actually liked that sort of thing. I was about to mutter something about her coffee making skills, but I was beaten to it.

"You're coffee making reputation precedes you. I think we'll all be fine." The girl's short tone made me turn to look at her in astonishment. She had seemed child-like, fun, and kind in the few moments I had spent with her, but the ice in her voice surprised me. She was staring directly at Lauren, who tried not to falter under her gaze as she handed some paperwork across to Edward.

I watched with a growing sickening feeling. Edward kept his eyes in front of him, no doubt checking out the plastic blonde behind the reception desk. I sighed gently, resigned to the fact that Edward was deliberately acting as if we had never met. I wasn't going to be another one of those pathetic females that fussed over him or threw themselves at him when it was clear he didn't want it.

I couldn't help the ache that settled over me, however, when it dawned on me, that he probably wouldn't mind if Lauren threw herself at him. It was just me that wasn't his type. I wasn't sure why that surprised me; I wasn't anyone's type.

With boring brown eyes, mousy brown hair, short and a small, un-shapely frame, I had to rely on fucking tricks in my clothing to even give me a bust. No one had ever paid attention to me, so why the hell would Edward fucking Cullen be the first? I scoffed at myself, realising too late that it was aloud.

As Edward slowly turned around, no doubt to ask me what my problem was, I made the hasty decision to flee. I turned on my heel, noticing as I did that the massive guy was watching me carefully, probably looking out for a repeat performance. I smiled at him reassuringly, as if to say, "Don't worry, I've got it this time," and was surprised when he chuckled lightly, clearly getting my message.

He stepped out of the way and pressed the button for the elevator, knowing he was standing between it and me. I smiled at him in thanks, concentrating on not turning around. I could feel _his_ eyes on me, the exposed skin of my back burning under his gaze, but I wasn't going to turn around. I wasn't going to subject myself to the look in his eyes and allowing him to make me feel worse.

"Ah! Mr. Cullen." Dread washed over me at the sound of Felix's voice.

I had just sat in his office and discussed day dreaming about Edward, and there he was, Felix's next fucking appointment. _Someone fucking shoot me._

My eyes caught Felix's, and I pleaded with him through one look not to mention anything. I'd never live it down if Edward ever knew. With an almost imperceptible nod in my direction, he flicked his eyes back to Edward and shook his outstretched hand.

It wasn't until that very moment, when their hands made contact, that I realised the glaringly obvious. Edward had a meeting with Felix. _I_ had just had a meeting with Felix. I was, as of that moment, employed by Felix. If my train of thought was correct, then in around half an hour, Edward would be too.

I was going to be working in the same fucking building as Edward fucking Cullen. Who, I may remind you, clearly hated me. My immediate future became suddenly more miserable as that thought sunk in. I would be forced to see him every day.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed that the girl who had come in with Edward was watching me, but I backed into the waiting elevator without looking in her direction. She was probably wondering why I was still standing there and openly ogling Edward as he interacted with my new producer. _Fuck my life_.

As the doors closed over all five people disappeared, but one remained, burned on my retinas. The same unworthy feeling washed over me at the memory of his cold look, and I slid down the back wall of the elevator until I was sitting on the polished floor with my knees at my chest.

There were no tears this time because I couldn't really blame him. I had never been enough for anyone before, not even my own mother, so why would a superstar think any differently? I wasn't upset; I was empty, numb from feeling anything other than the light jolt of the elevator as it came to a stop on the ground floor.

"Miss?" Tom's kind voice floated over to me, but I didn't look up at him as I scraped myself off the floor, hauling myself into a standing position. I didn't want to see sympathy, empathy or even fucking apathy as I brushed past him.

I smiled tightly in his direction to avoid being rude, but my eyes remained fixed on the front door, which was revolving in and out of the summer sunshine. Heidi hung up the phone as I neared her, but I didn't want questioning; I just wanted to find a seat outside in the sun, to sit alone and quiet.

"Bella?" I looked at her briefly, but even as I smiled at her, her confusion grew. "Bella, what's wrong?" I shook my head with a sad smile. There was nothing wrong with anything other than me. "Bella, stop!" I halted in my tired tracks and listened as Heidi's footsteps clipped across the marble in a much lighter staccato than Renee's had.

Heidi's cold hand wrapped around my wrist, and she tugged me to the nearest bench in the foyer, sitting down silently beside me. I thought she was going to grill me, but she stood again and made her way back to her desk instead.

"What did you do to Bella? She's practically comatose! Felix, something clearly happened, this isn't normal...no...well, what should I do...Edward? Yeah...okay...yeah I guess I could do that...sure I'll get Tom to help...are you sure? Felix, I don't know about this...well, he was the only other person up there! It's not that hard to believe is it? Okay, okay...yeah I know...love you." Her one sided conversation made little sense to me, so I concentrated on the passers by instead.

Everyone was as immaculately dressed as the people I'd already met, and I wondered what everyone did to be able to afford such nice things. It wasn't the biggest building, but I knew it was a worldwide company, and there were thousands of jobs any one of them could do.

"Hey! Have you had your tour yet?" I could tell straight away that Heidi's voice was too high pitched, alerting me to the fact that she was lying about something.

"Heidi, I'm fine; nothing happened with Felix. I just wanted some time alone, without my mother, you know?" Her fake smile slipped and she nodded with genuine concern. Even having only met my mom for no more than five minutes, she already understood what I meant.

"I know you want to be alone, but I have spare time. Let me show you around, okay?" I nodded with resignation, learning quickly that Heidi wasn't one to not get her way.

As I stood, she linked her arm through mine, and I was thankful that my small heel choice made me a little closer in height with her in her death traps. I found myself wondering how she worked all day in shoes like those.

"So, Bella, where are you from?" She started up another conversation as she led us up the marble staircase that flowed down into the middle of the lobby without breaking the room.

"Forks, originally. This is actually the closest I've been to home in years." I smiled sadly and caught the sympathetic look Heidi threw my way.

The staircase brought us onto the balcony that ran around the edge of the main lobby, the marble never seeming to end. From where we stood, I could see parts of the entrance area I hadn't known existed. Chandeliers hung five feet from the ceiling, hanging over leather sofas situated on plush rugs. They glinted like pure ice in the sun streaming from the floor-to-ceiling glass windows on the opposite wall from the door. The Volturi did nothing in half measures.

"What about you?"

"My mother is German, but my father is from Los Angeles. They met when he was over there on business." At my raised eyebrow, she continued. "He's a chef; my second name is Fisher..." My jaw slacked, and my eyebrows rose in appreciation for the fact she had just shared with me

Graham Fisher was one of the most successful chefs in the western world. His restaurants were chic, but affordable, and popping up in cities worldwide. She may have only been the receptionist - I cringed at that because her job was damn important - but she was certainly worth a pretty penny herself.

"I don't want to be...blunt, but why do you work here?" She laughed good naturedly and laid a hand on my arm as we walked the length of the balcony.

"Oh, the usual...didn't want to be seen relying on daddy's money. To be honest, Caius is one of his favourite customers. That's probably why I got the job in the first place, but I wanted to work for my own money. The pay slip for this place is ten times bigger than a receptionist anywhere else." We both laughed lightly when she wiggled her eyebrows, but I was soon sobered up by what was before me.

We had passed through yet another set of double glass doors, black this time, so you couldn't see in. In front of me was a huge booth, filled to the brim with the best technology money could buy. Leather arm chairs and sofas were dotted sporadically, bringing the room more personal vibes and finishing it off with comfort.

To my right, behind a panel of switchboards and mixers, was the trademark glass wall, showing off a huge room, barely lit with soft light. My eyes widened at my realisation that no room in the building was small. Even the recording booth - one of many I guessed - had plenty of room around each instrument, and a relaxation area of its own. A microphone, drum kit, five guitars on stands, a piano and a keyboard filled the room before me.

To the left of the first room was another glass wall and booth, this time with at least a dozen microphones set up, presumably for a choir or small orchestra. I couldn't help the smile that blossomed across my face at what I was before me. I was looking at a room I would soon be living out of most of the time, and it couldn't have made me happier. I was looking at my future.

"This is one of the executive suites; you'll be on the next floor with your own room. There are little to no differences in them. This one is just a little more private is all." I nodded as Heidi's words floated through to me.

Even standing in such a room had calmed me, given me confidence, and made me happier than I had felt in months. I wasn't naive enough to think that my feeling would last, factors such as my mother and Edward Cullen playing exactly into my insecurities; but, at that moment, everything felt right.

"Felix, said -" I cut myself off, not sure whether he had really meant it or not.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's okay." I smiled at her in reassurance, but she wasn't buying it.

"Bella, I can just phone him and ask." I laughed at the evil look in her eye before deciding to spit it out.

"Before I left his office, he said I was free to use anything. Do you think I could check out one of the suites upstairs?"

"Of course!" She bounced up and down and clapped her hands together in excitement, making her look like a child at Christmas. I laughed long and hard as she led me back out onto the balcony. I stopped when my laughter rang out around the much larger room, cringing at the sound.

"Wait right here! I'll need to grab your keys and things for your suite." She smiled at me and literally dashed off, so much so that I feared for her life in those stilettos.

I leaned my forearms on the banister and watched her fly down the stairs and over to her desk. When the staccato of her heels stopped, my attention was grabbed by the soft "ding" of the elevator to my left.

I should have looked away, but I simply couldn't. After Tom stepped out of the way, a mane of coppery coloured hair stepped out of the golden and dark-wooded box. From my vantage point, I let my eyes rake over his face, and then his body, as he waited for his two companions to step out after him.

He looked tired, his eyes drooping and pronounced by dark circles. But, apart from that, he looked as drop dead gorgeous as he usually did. His clothes clung to him perfectly, his shirt hanging precisely off his chest and flowing down over the sculpted abs that had raised millions for charity. My eyes watched his jean clad thighs as he walked across the marble floor, and I felt myself blushing as I imagined him without the hindrance of clothes.

As if my blush had somehow lit up my side of the room, his eyes flashed up to where I was standing and rooted me to the spot. I breathed a sigh of relief when the narrowing of his eyes didn't come; instead, he looked at me as if he was trying to figure something out - like he was imagining me even being there. _Yeah, I wished._

I held his gaze in some sort of act of defiance and flushed deep red when he smirked. A paradox really; did I blush before he smirked? Or did he smirk because I blushed? Who knew, but simply looking in his emerald green eyes, even from a distance, did things to me that I had no intention of ever admitting aloud.

Something caught his attention, and his eyes shifted away from me. Following his gaze, I noticed the big guy looking at me with a mischievous grin on his face. Edward smacked him across the back of his head after they exchanged words, and then they headed to the reception desk.

Even from my elevated position, I could tell that the young girl who had taken over from Heidi was exceptionally flustered. It wasn't too long before Heidi put the items in her hand down and helped her out.

I watched with nothing short of envy as Edward clasped Heidi's hand and shook it, obviously introducing himself. I thought back on our time at the bar and seethed with disappointment when I realised he probably hadn't been flirting at all. He was just being polite at the time, and for the second time in an hour, I mentally slapped myself for being so stupid.

Their encounter didn't last long, as Heidi glanced up at me and gathered her things again. My face was continually hot as I felt Edward watching me, while I watched Heidi ascend the stairs in a graceful manner I could only dream of having. She smiled brightly when she got to the top and pointed me in the direction of another elevator.

Edward's attention didn't falter from me as I turned and disappeared into the safety of the elevator. I probably imagined it, but every fibre of my being was hoping he really had been watching me so closely. I wanted him to look at me, no matter what the reason.

As the elevator stopped at the next floor, I came to the conclusion that this wasn't a healthy thing to admit to. Edward's attention, or even his presence, may not prove to be as disrupting to me as my mother's, but it was obvious that it would only serve as a distraction.

I was torn. The more prominent part of me wanted to be close to him, to see him on a daily basis, maybe even watch him rehearse and record. But another part, a less obtrusive, deep down part of me knew that wanting all those things was only going to cause me problems.

My almost trivial problems once again ceased to exist, as Heidi handed me a key card and motioned to a dark wood door in front of me with a flourish. With bated breath, I slid it into the device on the door. With a soft click, the light turned green, and the door quietly pushed itself open.

Embarrassingly, my eyes started to tear up as I looked around my suite. It was all I could have ever wanted, everything I had been working towards, but had always just been out of my reach. I finally had a home, a purpose, and a future with one of the most powerful record agencies in the world. Sony BMG could choke on my demo for all I cared at that moment.

I hadn't realised I was crying until Heidi's arms circled my shoulders, and she brought me in for a hug. I squashed the voice that was telling me to feel uncomfortable, having only known her for a few hours, and hugged her back, needing the comfort more than I realised. My tears fell faster as I failed to remember the last time my mother had hugged me or shown me any real human comfort.

"You're home, Bella. Nothing can take this away from you now." With one final squeeze, Heidi backed silently out of the room and left me to calm myself down.

It didn't take long. With one lingering look around the room, I felt myself smile again.

_"There's gotta be something more_

_Gotta be more than this_

_I need a little less hard time_

_I need a little more bliss_

_I'm gonna take my chances_

_Taking a chance I might..._

_Find what I'm looking for_

_There's gotta be something more."_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song?**

**Please review!**

**And as a side note? Is there anyone out there who can make awesome banners? Cause this story is in desperate need of one :/**

**Follow all the BTG goss over on twitter (at)_LiveInDakota_ & over on my blog at _www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com_**


	4. Not That Girl

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**SM owns all things Twilight and all lyrics are property of their respective owners :)**

**Enjoy xx**

* * *

Chapter Four: Not That Girl

Bella's POV

I closed the door tightly behind me, letting myself be sucked into the sheer silence of the space around me.

There was no sound coming from the building, no ticking clock, no creaking floor, no draught whistling through a crack beneath the door; only complete and utter silence, and I cherished it.

Renee may not spend a lot of her time communicating with me, but that didn't mean I had any time to myself. Apart from sleeping, there was always something she had to reprimand me for, remind me to do again, distastefully disagree with or plain find fault with.

I ran my hand along the top of the sleek black piano as I walked along the side of it, taking it in with wonder. I chuckled to myself quietly at the thought of an Italian family daring to use an Austrian made piano, but you wouldn't find me complaining.

I sighed gently as I eased myself down onto the soft leather of the piano stool. I took great care in lifting the lid, knowing just how much of a klutz I could be. _Bosendorfer _was scripted above the middle of the keys, like any other piano, but it was the tiny letters spelling out the word _Audi_ in the right hand corner that caught my eye.

The piano I was sitting at cost nearly one hundred and fifty thousand dollars, and was rare in its type. Designed by car manufacturer Audi, and made by Bosendorfer, it combined the brilliance of the Austrian piano masterpieces and the modern day sleek design of Audi. The modern concert grand piano had barely been introduced, and yet there it was, untouched in my recording studio.

If I hadn't felt welcome before, I certainly did now. I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face as my finger hit middle C, the note ringing out with perfect clarity before dying in the sound proofed room.

Sliding forward on the stool, I poised my feet over the silver pedals and carefully settled my left hand into shape above the keys at the bottom of the piano. You could never go wrong with the key of C, and my hands were soon playing out the simplest of melodies. It wasn't pre-written, known by anyone or viable for an award, but I often found the simplest of notes could sound the prettiest.

I kept it light, happy and quick, and soon skipped my way through a couple of minutes of completely made-up music. I smirked at myself as I finished off; I was no composer, but writing a new melody was one of my life's more satisfying accomplishments.

Composing an original piece was something no one other than me had any control over. My mom couldn't interfere; the outside world could critique it, but never change it. What started in my head, and finally made its way onto paper, was undeniably unique and described me as a person more than any resume or interview could. The music that flowed from my hands was the epitome of who I am, and no one could take that away from me.

A box in the corner of the room caught my attention as I looked up from the ivory keys, my name handwritten onto the side of it in permanent marker. It looked like a packing box, so of course, I was intrigued.

I sat myself down cross-legged beside it, and opened it carefully, feeling like a kid at Christmas. How sad must my life have been if it only took one cardboard box to amuse me?

The contents of the box didn't cease my amusement either. Inside the box were magnetic boards, pins, string, sticky notes, a nameplate, a name card, a teddy bear, and a pot of pencils all with my name on them. The last item I pulled from the box was a giant - fake - LP of the demo I had sent ahead of me for Caius to listen to.

It was like they were asking me to decorate the room, giving me a few inanimate objects to get me started. I didn't realise how much it meant to me until a lone tear splashed onto the flap of the box.

"Bella?" The sudden noise, when it had been so quiet for so long, startled me. I dropped the pot of pencils back in the box with a loud clatter, which in turn, made me curse at both the noise and the mess.

"Shit. Heidi, you scared the fuck out of me!" I wiped furiously at my eyes. I swear she was going to think I was unstable or something. The amount of mood swings that she had seen in me in a short few hours would be enough to scare anyone.

"Bella? What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing, I'm just a mess is all." I tried to laugh, but it came out forced and awkward.

"What was it you needed?" She looked torn for a second; shifting her eyes back out of the doorway she was standing in before looking back at me.

"Your key card...I need to open the room next door, and it's identical for that very reason." She smiled faintly, looking nervous about something.

"Sure." I hoisted myself up onto my feet, nearly toppling over in the process

"Shit, what the fuck is wrong with me today?" I wasn't supposed to say it aloud, but of course my brain-to-mouth filter never does what it's supposed to.

That same fucking warm chuckle from before caught my attention, and I cursed every God there ever was for making me look so fucking insane in the company of a God himself. My head snapped up at the sound, and sure enough, there just behind Heidi, was Edward. Why did I have to shout that at the top of my lungs in front of him?

"There I was thinking you walked into me on purpose earlier. Clearly, I was mistaken." My jaw dropped at the sound of his voice before I could control it. He was talking to me. No, he was mocking me.

"Well, excuse me for tripping on a fucking rug." Heidi's eyes widened in disbelief at my tone, but Edward only smirked in my direction. His eyes flicked to the heels on my feet and back up, his smirk deepening on his face.

"Whatever you say, Miss Swan." His eyes twinkled dangerously in the low light of the sound booth he was standing in, and a shiver ran down my spine at the way my name rolled off his tongue. How the fuck did he know my name? Not that he would have remembered, but I only introduced myself as Bella on the flight.

"Fuck you." Yeah, so he may be dangerously good looking, but he pissed me off. I was genuinely surprised that I hadn't blushed once. I smirked when I saw Heidi blush instead, clearly embarrassed by the way I was acting toward Edward Cullen, of all people. I, for one, was not going to suck up to him. No matter how much I may have loved to.

"Ah, it's a little early for that, Bella. Don't you think?" Oh my fucking God. I simply couldn't win.

"Get out." My voice was eerily calm as I answered him, all teasing and frustration gone, replaced by sheer anger at the man in front of me.

His facial expression faltered, and he was slow enough to cover it up that I caught it. He knew I wasn't joking around, and as his brow furrowed he seemed confused as to why I was still glaring at him.

"Now, Edward." I handed Heidi my card without taking my eyes from his beautifully troubled face, and watched in silence as she led him back out into the carpeted corridor outside.

I released the breath I hadn't known I had been holding when the door clicked shut behind them, and simultaneously crumpled into a heap on the floor.

How could one man enrage me, break through my defences, and fuck me over all in the space of a few minutes? My anger had been a safety mechanism. I wasn't going to let him have the upper hand with me, or treat me like he did everyone else.

I wouldn't fall for his charm or bat my eyelids at him repeatedly. In fact, despite wanting to know him - oh who am I kidding? Despite wanting to screw him repeatedly, I renegotiated with myself. No matter how hard it may prove, I was staying away from Edward Cullen at all costs. He wasn't healthy, and was an obsession I could not afford to entertain.

If only getting rid of Renee would prove as easy. I fell back from my sitting position so that I was lying on the carpeted floor and stared a hole in the tiled roof above me.

"Bella?" Why was it I never heard that door opening?

"I'm sorry." I could smell the faint tinges of Heidi's perfume in the air as she slipped through the doorway.

"I'm worried about you, Bella." I laughed before I realised it was probably a harsh reaction to her concern.

"I'm going to be blunt here, but you don't know me, Heidi. There's no need for your concern." I mulled her words over in my head. If Charlie knew anything about what I was getting myself into, then maybe he would fuss over me, worry about me, and try to protect me. But he didn't so he wouldn't. Renee certainly didn't seem to care.

However, having only known Heidi a total of three hours, she was there, offering me her hand, concern marring her perfect features.

I grabbed her hand and let her help me up so that I was standing, facing her.

"That was not a normal reaction to the hottest guy on the planet, Bella." She tried to keep a straight face, she really did, but her giggle burst out of her and she slapped her hand to her mouth. I joined in, grateful that she had lightened the mood.

"I guess he just rubbed me up the wrong way."

"You wish!" It seemed that once she got started, it was hard to stop. She squeaked as she tried to drag in a much needed breath, and I laughed alongside her, until we were both doubled over and gasping for breath.

I fell unceremoniously onto the black leather sofa under the sound booth window, clasping my sides as if it would help me breathe. As our laughter finally subsided the unease that washed over me prompted me to ask the one question that was on my mind.

"Edward's studio is next door, isn't it?"

"We can always move one of you, Bella. I'm sure you could talk to Felix and-"

"No. I don't want to be the cause of any problems on my first day here, Heidi. It can't be too hard to avoid just one person forever, can it?"

"Ha, good luck with that, Bells. He seemed pretty adamant that I ask you for your key so he could get into his room...seems you've made quite the impression already." She laughed through her nose lightly, oblivious to the whole story.

"We've met before."

"Wait, what?" She screeched, sitting bolt upright beside me.

Over twenty minutes later, I had re-hashed the entire episode on the plane, and even filled her in on the cold way he acted towards me on Felix's floor. She was bursting to interrupt and say something nearly the whole way through, but she managed to hold her tongue until I had finished completely.

"Holy hell..."

"Seriously? That's what you've been holding in?" I rolled my eyes and flopped back down onto the sofa, disappointed that she had no sympathy or words of wisdom for me.

"Well, at first I was going to tell you to get straight in there and jump him, but...why was he such an asshole?"

"Eh, maybe because he _is_ an asshole? First class probably."

"Or," she trailed off, leaving me hanging with mounting nerves.

"Or, what?" The suspense dripping from her tone was too much for me to handle. "Why does it feel like you're concocting a plan?"

"Maybe because I am? How about...well, you said on the plane he'd had a few to drink right?"

"No, I said he had one and a half while he was talking to me, that doesn't make anyone drunk, Heidi, so there's no point in going there." Was it tragic that I had actually begun to hope she had come up with something foolproof?

"That's not where I was headed anyway. He had two scotches during a twenty minute conversation, who's to say he hadn't already had a few?"

"You said you weren't headed down the drunk route," I pointed out, growing frustrated at myself for even contemplating excusing his behaviour.

"I'm not...I'm just saying, maybe you just need to loosen him up a bit again. It's obvious that once he's had a few shots of liquid courage, he's happier. Even if it does just make him flirt more."

"I fail to see your point here, Heidi. So he's an asshole, but turns on the charm when he's had a few, how does that make things better?"

"It doesn't! I'm just trying to say, that if the opportunity were to arise again, you need to remember to wait until he's had a few..."

"Wait...Heidi. I don't want a repeat performance! I thought you were trying to make me feel better!" My voice rose in volume simply because I was trying to lie convincingly. Don't ask me why my voice changes when I'm not telling the truth. It was just another one of those abnormal things about me, clearly.

A repeat performance of even the most innocent flirting with Edward Cullen, would no doubt make my fucking month. However, I had just promised myself that he wasn't going to interfere with my work and that I wasn't going to give him any sort of power over me. This meant lying to those around me about what I _really_ wanted. Still with me?

"Okay, sorry, but God, if I wasn't happily engaged, I would do anything to spend the night with Edward Cullen. If I was one in a string of women I don't think I'd care. At least I could say I was one of them," she said and laughed lightly, before hoisting herself back up onto her feet.

Was she right in thinking that way? Could I feel like that? Hell was I single, but I couldn't wrap my head around knowingly being part of a list of nameless one-night stands. Call me old fashioned, but I wanted to actually be remembered.

Sure, I wasn't naive enough to think that everyone still waited for marriage and "the one." I wasn't judgmental of anyone who had casual sex, but surely every girl wants their name to at least be remembered in the morning?

A drunken one-night stand with someone I would, no doubt, see every day at work, for at least a year, was not something that appealed to me. Even if it was Edward Cullen. Now, if he hadn't been an asshole, had continued flirting with me, and I had eventually landed in his bed? Who knows how I would have felt then. Secure in the knowledge that he wouldn't forget it happened perhaps. Seeing me everyday would remind him.

But then there was another problem. The fact that I was a virgin. I was intent on remembering my first time, whether it was fucking terrible or not. I was also aware of the fact that my first time wouldn't be anywhere near good enough for someone like Edward. He would see me everyday and remember how useless it had been, or shudder every time he thought of it.

The realisation that I wasn't experienced enough for Edward, is what finally had me steering clear of Heidi's little plan. I wasn't good enough to even be a nameless number in his list of conquests. So really, there was no point in even contemplating it.

"Come on, you. You were promised lunch," Heidi reminded me.

With an exaggerated huff, I hoisted myself up onto my feet. I took a look around the room to make sure I wasn't leaving it in too much of a mess, before giving myself the once over in the reflective glass. I looked as good as I was going to, there was no point in tweaking anything; I already had the job.

I followed Heidi out, closing the sound booth door gently before doing the same with the studio door, which I noticed had a silver 2 transferred onto the glass. It wasn't until I had it shut and the lock clicked behind me, that I remembered I no longer had my key. It may have only been a key, but it served as a reminder that Edward Cullen was always going to be _there_, whether I wanted him to be or not.

"You are so getting my key back from him! There is no way in hell I'm going to ask for it back." Heidi laughed lightly at my demand, but I was deadly serious. I would either embarrass myself beyond relief or jump him if I had to be that close to him, so I wasn't taking the chance.

That was how dangerous Edward Cullen was. A whore - for want of a better word - and he damn well knew how good he looked. I was never one to believe exactly what you read in the tabloids, but it wasn't hard to imagine that his whoring ways were only _slightly_ exaggerated. He may have pissed me off, but there was no denying that I was attracted to him, just like every other female in the world. I was not going to let him be privy to that information.

"Don't worry about it, I can just give you his key. I'm pretty sure it's at the desk." I briefly wondered why she hadn't just given it to him while they had been down there, but I was literally knocked off my feet before I could voice my question.

"Woah, sorry there little missy..." There was no way that voice belonged to who I thought it did.

My face flamed deeper than it had in years as I looked up. The bluest, sharpest eyes I had ever seen were looking me over for any damage. Unlike Edward's gaze, his only brought with it sincerity and concern. I was looking at Jasper Whitlock. _The_ hottest actor in Los Angeles, hell probably in the entire country.

"My fault, I wasn't looking," I apologised sincerely and giggled lightly when he actually tipped his hat to me. He was a Southerner, hadn't I mentioned that part? Oh, and a bachelor too. Oh, and best of all? He was best friends with Edward Cullen. Only, Jasper was known for his gentlemanly ways, and for his charm and sincerity. Two sides of a coin, they probably balanced each other out perfectly.

"Still, my fault," he insisted. What did I tell you? "Jasper Whitlock," he continued, offering me his hand. I smirked and he caught it, smiling back gently. He knew he didn't have to introduce himself, but he did anyway.

"Bella Swan," I answered, too captivated by yet another superstar to remember Heidi was standing beside me. Or was she? There was no noise from my left, and his eyes hadn't left me the entire time we had been standing there.

"Workin'? Or visitin' like me?" Oh God, he was actually making conversation. The slot where he had his chance to leave quietly was gone; he was actually talking to me.

"A bit of both?" His eyebrow quirked up as I phrased my answer like a question.

"I don't work here until I sign all the legal stuff. I'm sure you know the kind..." I blushed intensely at my attempt at small talk.

"I do indeed. Without a doubt the most thrilling part of our job, no?" I laughed lightly as he rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't know. I've eh, never done it before." I blushed again as I thought back on what I had been thinking about Edward before. First times.

"Well, Miss Bella, you must be pretty darn good if you've been signed without previous experience. Take it from a professional." I laughed more freely when he winked at me and felt all warm as he joined in. Jasper Whitlock was laughing with me. "Maybe I'll find out soon?" He asked. My jaw went slack before I controlled my expression and nodded.

"I'm right next door to your best buddy so _you_ can feel free to pop in anytime you want." I smiled genuinely. I didn't want to sound like I was flirting. He didn't miss the distaste with which I referred to Edward though, or the emphasis I put on 'you'.

"Ah, artistic differences already I see"

"Nope." I shook my head as the "p" sounded out around us. "I just know an asshole when I meet one." I clapped my hand to my mouth, disbelieving that I had just said that in front of his best friend.

"Oh God. Sorry, no filter!" He laughed long and loud, putting me at ease that I hadn't insulted him somehow.

"No worries. Edward is an acquired taste. I've grown up with him. His whorish ways aren't so despicable when you know the real guy." He smiled softly, and we both sobered up, our conversation becoming more serious by the second. I wasn't sure Jasper meant to say something so deep when his brow furrowed, but I decided to let it drop.

"Well, say hi to him for me won't you?" I added in an overly cheerful way, causing him to laugh once again.

"I sure will, Miss Bella. It was a pleasure to meet you." He tipped his hat once more, before turning on his cowboy booted heel, leaving me staring after him in awe.

His voice alone was enough to turn me on. Fuck, I was totally screwed.

Even more so, when I looked away from the back of Jasper's head and was met with piercing green eyes. Fuck, I had no idea how long he'd been standing there.

He narrowed his eyes at me before transforming his scowl into a smile as he pulled Jasper in for a "man-hug," clapping him on the back in a very masculine way.

When Jasper turned back and I was still watching them, I decided it was definitely time for me to move on. I didn't miss the wink that he sent my way, and I was pretty sure Edward didn't miss the way I blushed from it. I turned and headed down the corridor to the elevator.

I was so fucked.

_"Can you hear my heart beating?_

_Can you hear that sound?_

_Cause I can't help crying_

_And I won't look down."_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

Just to let y'all know that I'm thinking about pulling this fic from this site. If you really want to continue reading it then you'll be able to find it on Twilighted and TWCS. I'm just not getting a good response over here and there's really no point in having it up if no one appreciates it.

Thank you to the select few who do, and have always reviewed for me. You guys know who you are :)

I might give it one more chapter to see if things pick up, but I will defo's tell you first before I pull it for good.

Please review and let me know what you thought :)

xx


	5. A Recipe For Disaster

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Hey all! Sorry that it's been two weeks instead of one, but that's how it's going to be from now on :) Hopefully you won't be too displeased by that :)**

**Anyways...lots more Edward...and we finally meet the only other guy "Cullen" :) But don't forget...he's a McCarty in this :)**

**Enjoy!**

**SM owns all things Twilight and all lyrics are property of their respective owners :)**

* * *

Chapter 5: A Recipe for Disaster

Bella's POV

"Where did you go?" Heidi and I asked each other in unison when I got to the bottom of the stairs. Our voices mingled across the large reception area, and we both smiled.

"Nowhere. I was just talking to someone," I answered.

Her eyebrow arched in a mixture of disbelief and confusion, and she opened her mouth to presumably question me further. However, the phone chose that moment to ring, effectively stopping her in her tracks. I watched with a smirk as she rolled her eyes and answered it in a polite, sugary tone.

I watched Heidi deal professionally with the enquirer on the phone before glancing outside, smiling at the sun-baked sidewalk.

"Miss?" I turned at the sound of a new voice, knowing I was the only one around to be addressed. When I turned, I was met with the grinning face of Edward's friend.

"I don't suppose you'd take pity on a stranger and tell him the best place around here for breakfast?" He pulled a face, causing me to laugh as he rubbed his stomach, almost as if to prove how hungry he was.

"Sorry, I'm not from around here."

"Oh, I thought you lived here," he answered with his eyebrows furrowed.

"No, I came in on the same flight as you guys. You were sleeping for most of it though." I smiled genuinely, wondering why his jaw dropped, almost hitting the marble floor.

"First class?"

I nodded my head, thinking he was maybe remembering, but his shock didn't disappear.

"Oh my God." He looked me over before staring at my face.

"Is something wrong?"

"No! God, no...you just...you're...nevermind!" He coughed loudly before smiling brightly.

"Emmett McCarty." He held his hand out between us and I took it with a smile.

"Isabella Swan, but everyone calls me Bella." He did a little bow before dropping my hand.

"Would you like to join a fellow stranger for breakfast, Miss Swan?"

"Isn't it a little late for breakfast?"

I looked at the clock above the reception desk, ignoring Heidi's knowing look, to find that it was after midday.

"Oh God, my heart!" Emmett clutched at his heart dramatically. "It's never too early for breakfast, Miss Bella."

He had this hopeful look on his face, and I honestly felt guilty for denying him.

"I can't, sorry. I'm going for lunch with some friends."

"Friends already? You must have a way of making quite the first impression." I furrowed my brow at him, unable to ignore the nagging feeling that he was referring to more than just my ability to make new friends.

"Yeah, Heidi took pity on me. I'm having lunch with her and her fiancé." He nodded his head in understanding before placing his hand on his chest, just above his heart.

"Some other time maybe? I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot of each other." I nodded my head. Emmett seemed like a good guy, and I'd taken a liking to him already.

"You work with, Edward?"

"I'm his bodyguard. No one is getting through me." I giggled as he puffed out his chest and bared his arms with a manic grin.

"I believe you!" By the time I had gotten over my giggle fit, Heidi was by my side.

"Heidi Fisher." Emmett's jaw dropped once again. It didn't take a scientist to work

out that he was a man fond of his food; he must have already made the connection to Heidi's father.

"Emmett McCarty, Edward Cullen's bodyguard. Please tell me your dad's restaurant does breakfast!" We all laughed as he looked at her with pleading eyes.

"Of course! Actually, Bella and I were headed there this afternoon. If you can wait for an hour then you're welcome to join us." Emmett's arms hit the air, his fists clenched in triumph, and we all laughed again.

"Seriously I am, like, in love with this place already!" His face fell after a few moments and a feeling of unease washed over me. "I can't though. I can't leave Edward over lunch. I'll need to be wherever he goes." I had figured out my uneasy feeling before Heidi even opened her mouth.

"Bring him! The more the merrier! I'm sure I can make our booking as big as we need." She smiled at him sweetly, completely ignoring the pleading look I sent her way.

"Oh, well, then Alice and Jasper will probably want to come too. Is it okay to make it for seven people?" Emmett asked with a smile. Heidi nodded enthusiastically before clicking her way back to her desk.

I was going to be stuck around a table with an engaged couple, Emmett, who I knew had some kind of trick up his sleeve, Jasper, who I was undoubtedly attracted to, Alice, who I had only met when I was crying my eyes out, and Edward. _Fuck my life._ There was no way I was going to make it through any semblance of a meal surrounded by all those people.

"You look like someone's just run over your puppy, Bella. You okay?" Why did it seem like Emmett already knew the answer to that question.

"I'll keep him away from you, promise." Heidi's whisper reached my ear before she even reached my side, and I was pretty certain Emmett caught it. He raised his eyebrow in question, but didn't voice his confusion, and I was grateful to him for that.

"Great! This is gonna be just great!" My voice was dripping with sarcasm by the time I ended my sentence, causing my two companions to chuckle lightly. _No, seriously, I couldn't fucking wait_.

It turned out that Heidi's father's restaurant was only three blocks from the studio, so it was decided that we would walk. I thanked the powers that be that I hadn't decided on the higher heels of the two I had pondered on that morning; my feet would have been unrecognisable by the end of the day.

Noting that there were no obstacles for me to trip and stumble to my untimely death over, I tilted my head up to the sky and closed my eyes, keeping my steps measured as I soaked up the rays of the sun.

Growing up in one of the wettest places in the continental US made me a little more desperate for vitamin D than your average person. Although I knew I would stay pale forever, I would never tire of feeling the sun on my skin.

"Bells?" Emmett's large arm landed across my shoulders, nearly toppling me over in the process.

"Shouldn't you be guarding Edward back there? We are in public, after all, I wouldn't want someone attacking him or anything." My voice must have been louder than I realised, because a snort sounded from behind us in tandem with a loud growl. I blushed, realizing that Jasper and Edward had heard my comment. Emmett completely unphased by their reaction, laughed loudly, and squeezed me into his side.

"He's not that bad, you know." He whispered quietly, his mouth dangerously close to my ear, but the feeling of his words brushing over my skin did nothing to me. Emmett was so friendly; it was hard to see him as anything that a big brother bear, and I felt relief at the realization that I wasn't attracted to _all_ of the male population.

No, it was just Jasper and Edward, who happened to be best friends. That couldn't be good.

"Only he can prove that, Em, and to be honest, I couldn't care less at this point." He raised his eyebrows yet again as if he was about to argue, but decided against it and remained silent.

"Bella! Where did you say you grew up again?" Heidi called.

"Forks, Washington. Why?"

"No way!" Emmett's yell practically burst my ear drum, and I flinched away from the intrusive noise.

"Jeez, Em! I need my hearing for this job, thanks!" He smiled sheepishly at me while everyone else laughed around us. Everyone but one; I knew that velvet laugh, and it hadn't joined in.

"Sorry. My ex-girlfriend is from there."

"What was her name?" He didn't seem upset or uncomfortable when he mentioned his ex, so I gathered that it was okay to talk about her.

"Rosalie Hale..." A dreamy look passed across his face as he said her name almost reverently.

"Don't know the name, but it's been years since I was last there." Edward started coughing loudly behind us. Had he choked on air or something?

Emmett's head whipped round to look at him, and the coughing stopped immediately. He looked confused for a second, mouthing "What?" behind us before nodding imperceptibly. Edward must have told him to shut up, because just like that, our conversation was over.

How had he known I wouldn't want to talk about it? How much had he and my mother talked about? Did he even know Renee was my mother? There was no way she would have told him that; she wanted nothing to do with me in personal terms. Maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for.

We arrived outside the restaurant in silence and walked inside in pairs. A tall man with short spiky black hair embraced Heidi, kissing her on the cheek before shaking Felix's hand with a smile.

"Dad, these are the new recruits, Bella Swan, and Edward Cullen." Was it wrong that my heart did a mini-flip just because our names had been put in the same sentence?

"Lovely to meet you. Your name suits you." He smiled kindly, erasing any kind of sleaziness from his statement as he shook my hand. He then shook Edward's with a nod of the head and a smile.

"Jasper Whitlock, Edward's best friend. Alice Brandon, Edward's PA and Emmett McCarty, his bodyguard." Handshakes were exchanged all around before Alice launched into an excited speech about the restaurants decor.

I looked questionably at Jasper who only rolled his eyes and I laughed, but the laughter died in my throat when I caught Edward's eye. He was back to looking at me as if I was some puzzle he had to work out. _What the fuck is with this guy?_

Graham led us to our table, weaving through the customers already mid-meal. I blushed under the attention we garnered; one because we were such a large, noisy - thanks to Emmett - group, and two, because two of the hottest, most famous guys on the planet were bringing up the rear of our pack.

Whispers and looks followed him through the entire restaurant, and when I looked at him myself, I noticed that while Jasper was smiling politely, Edward's shoulders were hunched, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes trained on the floor. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he wasn't enjoying the attention. How did he handle his popularity if he didn't even like a handful of people recognizing him in a restaurant?

"Here we are folks, make yourselves at home." I stood back out of the way as Felix, Heidi, Emmett and Alice filed into the seats along the wall, leaving four left and three of us.

I panicked. Heidi's gaze flickered between me and the guy standing quietly behind me before surveying the table. She mouthed "sorry" at me before sitting in the seat Felix was holding out from the table for her.

I headed for the end seat, hoping Jasper would sit beside me, putting at least one person between Edward and I, but it seemed Edward had other plans.

"Alice, what was it you wanted to talk to Jasper about?" Edward asked.

My eyes widened as if I was watching a horror film unfold as Jasper looked to Alice and sat opposite her with a smile.

I had no choice, really. I could either sit between them and hope Jasper would engage me in conversation so I could ignore Edward, or I could let Edward sit beside his best friend and get stuck on the end beside him. I stepped forward to pull the chair back from the table, but before I could, Edward's hand closed around mine.

"Allow me."

I turned to him, narrowing my eyes. He was probably planning to pull it away as I sat down just to humiliate me.

His eyes widened in surprise at the hostility I was sending his way. He nodded at the chair between us before looking back at me, almost pleading me just to sit down without a fuss. I glared at him in warning, before turning my back on him and sitting down.

I blushed when I noticed the whole table had been watching our interaction with undisguised interest. It seemed that Edward's rapid change in demeanour had taken them by surprise, too. To my relief, he helped me tuck my chair in gently before sitting down on his own to my left, his fingers brushing my arm as he lowered it to the table.

My skin broke out in immediate goose bumps, and I shivered at the spark of electricity that passed between us. How could one barely-there touch cause so many conflicting emotions? That was simply sad. He shrugged his jacket off gently, and I swear to God, he was doing the touching thing on purpose. He turned to hang it on the back of his seat, trailing his fingers up my forearm far longer than was necessary or accidental.

When I looked up at him, he was smirking to himself, and I felt my anger flare again. What gave him the right to mock me? And yes, it was mocking. Even if only the two of us knew about it, he was still embarrassing me, because we both knew the way I reacted every time he touched me. He rolled his shirt sleeves up, and I very nearly salivated at the sight of his bare forearms, the muscles rippling under the skin with every movement.

Raking his hand through his glorified sex hair, he rested his arm, bent at the elbow, on the back of my chair and relaxed into his seat. The feel of his arm in such close proximity to my body caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand at attention, and my heart began to beat double time. He was altogether too close for my own sanity and safety.

Heidi looked at me with remorse-filled eyes, but it wasn't her fault that I couldn't control my reactions to the Adonis-like creature sitting beside me. I smiled at her gently trying to placate her, but even I knew it looked forced. It wasn't her fault the world seemed to be against me, or that Edward had seemed adamant to park himself beside me.

Even when we were all settled in and the waiter was taking our drink orders, Edward's arm stayed bent at the elbow and resting just above my left shoulder. His whole body seemed to be leaning on that one point, ultimately causing him to lean into me. I assumed he was only doing it to get a rise out of me, but maybe his mother had just raised him not to put his elbows on the table? Who knew.

"Double scotch."

Edward's clipped tone was the only indication that he wasn't as relaxed as he made out to be. Both Heidi and I looked at each other before looking at him. His jaw was tense, and his eyes were hard as he stared at the pad the waiter was holding. _What crawled up his ass and died? _Was he really that frustrated to be there?

"Just a water, please." I tried to be twice as nice, compensating for the short tone the waiter received from the man beside me. He seemed to appreciate it.

The rest of the table placed their orders and started to peruse the menu. Emmett, Alice and Jasper then got into a mock argument over who could eat the most. _Seriously? _I wouldn't be joining that conversation. That left me alone, with Edward watching me.

"You're the only one at our table not drinking, Isabella. Designated driver?" Oh my Jesus. My heart rate stuttered, restarted, and sped as Edward's honeyed voice floated over to me. As I glanced over at him, I noticed that no one else at the table was paying either of us any attention at all.

"I'm the only one at this table not old enough to drink, Mr. Cullen." I narrowed my eyes at him, wondering why the hell he was starting up a conversation when all we were destined to do was argue again.

"Apologies, Miss Swan. You look entirely too enticing for your age." Unlike in the foyer earlier, this time, there was no doubt that he smirked because of the blush that bloomed across my face. I turned back to the menu in my shaking hands, dropping my gaze from his sparkling green eyes, and tried to concentrate on the words in front of me.

"You shouldn't hide when someone pays you a compliment, Isabella. It wasn't said to mock you."

"How should I know that, _Edward_? You treated me like I was nothing this morning, so excuse me if I'm confused. You're giving me fucking whiplash!" My face reddened further when I realized the rest of the table had fallen silent.

I kept my eyes locked on my menu, begging my trembling to stop and my tears to stay unshed. If Edward was paying any attention at all, he would be able to spot my trembling hands with his eyes closed. Was the cutlery on the table shaking too, or was that my imagination?

"So, Edward, Heidi tells me you checked out your room?" Felix spoke up, ending the silence. With everyone's attention otherwise diverted, I quietly attempted to control my breathing to calm myself down from my outburst.

"Yeah, it's all great. I can really see myself working hard in there." I laughed before I could help it, causing me to blush even brighter. Thankfully, Edward had decided to ignore my rudeness, but it officially killed that conversation. Once again, everyone around us started talking, leaving the two of us in a silent bubble.

"I fail to see how that was funny, Miss Swan."

"Sorry, it's none of my business anyway."

"Do enlighten me." He waved his hand, the one closest to me, his fingers brushing lightly through my ponytail.

"Well, it's hardly a trade secret that you haven't done much work for the past year, Mr. Cullen. I find it hard to believe that good facilities are going to train you that easily." I didn't bother to cover the contempt in my voice, but it didn't seem to bother him anyway.

"I'm very blessed with the success I've had, and the lifestyle I live, Isabella. It would be a shame to waste it." He leaned in further, whispering the end of his sentence. I was taken aback at the jolt of lust that the feel of his breath on my cheek caused. It was so different from the way I'd felt when Emmett had whispered in my ear earlier; everything that Edward did felt like it was some sort of seduction technique that he'd clearly spent a lot of time practicing, because it worked.

I pursed my lips, holding in the sarcastic remark I wanted to rebuke with about the women that helped share his lifestyle every night, but it really was none of my business.

"Does that bother you?" His eyes flicked over my face, taking in my expression and deducing that I was troubled by what he had told me. _Was I?_

"No. It bothers me that out of the two of us I'm the only one who actually plans to work hard this year. I don't have the luxury of my name opening doors for me, and I'll be damned if your..._reputation_...ruins my only chance." My hands were trembling again, but this time it was because I was sure I had overstepped some imaginary line.

"Then your best plan would be to stay away from me, Miss Swan, which is a waste, and a shame if you ask me." His lips definitely brushed the skin below my ear that time. I shivered considerably at the pleasure that coursed through me, settling low in my stomach. I even had to clench my thighs together in a desperate attempt to alleviate the pressure building inside of me.

"That was the plan all along, Mr. Cullen. You seem to be the one ruining it." My voice shook from beginning to end, and it was barely above a whisper. My eyes were flying back and forth across the table, but no one was paying any attention to our quiet conversation, or the fact that Edward couldn't have been closer to me if he'd tried. Well, he could have been if _I'd_ tried. I wasn't above climbing on top of him right on that chair, but something told me it probably wouldn't have been a good idea.

"You...fascinate me. You seem to have some sort of power over my two best friends too. I don't think I can share something so...pure, though." Something snapped inside me, cracking me out of my lust-induced haze and bringing my anger back to the surface.

"How dare you?" I seethed, and even I was surprised by the pure hatred dripping from my words.

"Where do you get off?" I realized my mistake as soon as I said it, but there was no way of taking it back.

"I'll let you watch if you ask nicely." I couldn't believe he was so genuine in being so completely out of line.

"You're sick."

"And yet you're still thinking about it, aren't you?" I shoved my chair back with a force no one at our table had anticipated. Six sets of astonished eyes landed on me, before I turned my back and fled from the table.

Why did I give him so much power over me? Why did I let him get under my skin? Why couldn't I just put up an indifferent facade and play along? Why couldn't I be strong enough to fight back? Why was he so set on humiliating me at every turn?

With a deep breath I quickened my pace, noticing that more than one set of eyes flicked to me as I passed table after table. Even the waiters took a step back to let me pass.

The only place I wanted to go was straight out of the front door, and not look back.

_"You've got to get yourself together_

_You've got stuck in a moment_

_And now you can't get out of it_

_Don't say that later will be better_

_Now you're stuck in a moment_

_And you can't get out of it"_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Review please! I have so very few for this fic...it's quite disconcerting tbh :/**

**Follow all the BTG goss over on my blog at www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Oh! And I have a new fic! It's called Don't Believe The Hype... and I'd be totally grateful if you went over and checked it out for me :) **

**See ya in two weeks!**

**xx**


	6. A Whisper Too Much

****

Author's Chapter Notes:

Hey all!

So, I made my two week deadline! That's good, eh?

I have decided that BtG is staying on this site for the foreseeable future. While I'm not getting the response most authors hope for, there are a handful of you that are faithfully reviewing each chapter and I want to thank you all. You know who you are :P

**Edward is back in force in this chapter and I hope y'all enjoy it! :P**

**Big squeeze to my beta _hezpixie_ for her mad skills :P**

**Twilight belongs to SM and all lyrics are property of their owners :)**

* * *

Chapter 6: A Whisper Too Much

****

Pathetically, the tears were beginning to prick at my eyes as I pushed the bathroom door open. Humiliation washed over me in the same waves as the cool air in the room. I gulped it in as if I had been starved of oxygen for hours.

Tears falling in earnest; I took in my appearance in the brightly lit mirror facing me. My face - having lost its blush - was deathly pale, making my reddened eyes more pronounced and the whites of my eyes more and more bloodshot.

I briefly thanked whoever was listening that the bathroom was empty. The last thing I needed was an audience, or someone trying to comfort me, even if it was only a concerned stranger.

As I turned on the cold tap, I noticed that my trembling had yet to cease. Was I scared of Edward or simply nervous around him? The reaction seemed too severe for nerves. It wasn't that I was afraid _of_ him; more afraid of the way he could control my body without knowing it - without my being able to do anything about it.

I had asked myself that question already, but was it because I had no experience with men at all, or just because it was him? He had used the word "pure" at the table. Was it really that obvious that I was a virgin? That no one had ever wanted me in my adult years?

Sure, I blushed when I was in Jasper's company, but he didn't make butterflies spring to life in my stomach or cause my heart rate to speed rapidly with one look or touch. Edward Cullen was a dangerous creature, and he knew it. It was the only reason for the fraction of hatred I felt for him. I knew that there was a fine line between love and hate, and that both were dangerous and poisonous emotions.

He thought so highly of himself, that in turn, he thought so little of everyone else. He probably thought it was okay to act like he had for most of the day. He was blowing hot and cold. He was rude, sarcastic and crude, and yet when he looked at me, my heart _still_ stopped.

Fifteen minutes later, by my watch, I decided it was about time I faced the firing squad. I knew it was too much to hope that Edward had left, or someone had changed seats so I wouldn't have to sit beside him.

I briefly felt bad for holding up everyone's lunch. Our drinks would have long since arrived, and the waiter would be waiting to take our food order.

With one more deep breath, I turned the tap off, dabbed my face with a towel, and fixed my hair. I wasn't going to walk back to that table looking like I had been crying; even if they all knew that was _exactly_ what I had been doing.

The sound of the restaurant grew substantially louder as I pulled the door open, but it wasn't loud enough to cover the gasp of surprise that left me. Edward was leaning against the opposite wall, his right leg bent at the knee such that his foot rested on the wall. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes trained on the floor in front of him. Even with his head down, his hair was sticking up vertically, and I had to battle the instinct to walk over to him and run my fingers through it, to see if it would settle under my touch.

When I stepped back out into the hallway, his eyes snapped to mine. Gone was the coldness, the indifference and the judgement, in its place was simple curiosity and even a tiny twinge of concern. There was no doubt in my mind that he was still angry, and I gulped my nerves down audibly.

No good could come out of whatever was going to happen.

"Show's over, Edward. Unless you want to humiliate me some more? I suggest you do it at the table though. There's not much of an audience here." I turned to walk past him, but his hand reached out and wrapped around my upper arm with precision and strength. The same strange hum of energy rippled over my skin from the point of contact with his hand, and I held my breath, willing myself not to faint.

"Is that what you think of me?" I gasped again, opening my mouth to gulp more air. He pulled me over to the wall he had been previously leaning against, and was trapped me between his arms. My entire body flushed at his close proximity, and I noticed his eyes flick across my face and chest before looking me square in the eye.

"You took me by surprise this morning, Miss Swan. I was hung-over and in a shit mood. It's no excuse for how I treated you, but I apologize." His British accent lilted his speech at perfect intervals, and I was pretty sure my knees were going to give way if we stood there any longer.

He could apologize for the morning all he wanted, but what about the disrespect he showed me only fifteen minutes before? Did he honestly not realize how much of an asshole he had been?

"Are you bi-polar?" I slapped a hand over my mouth, my eyes wide in disbelief. I had _not_ just asked him that. I prepared myself for his anger, but instead his mouth stretched into a glorious smirk.

"Is _that_ what you think of me?" He asked the same question for a second time, but there was a vast difference in his tone and implication. He was no longer angry at me, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"No. I'm sorry that was out of line. But this..." I waved my hand up and down his body before continuing. "Is not what you were like twenty minutes ago." His eyes narrowed, but I wasn't going to let him intimidate me. I narrowed my eyes back at him.

"And?"

"And? And? How can you be such an asshole when I know you're capable of being a human being for five minutes?" I whisper screeched at him. He took a step back, pushing himself away from the wall with the hand that had been beside my head. I nearly pouted, wanting him closer.

"You seem to have thought this through, Miss Swan. Please, don't let me stop you..." I ignored the sneer in his voice. If he could say what he wanted to me, then I sure as hell was going to tell him exactly how I saw him, whether he would care or not.

"On the plane you were normal, hell you even fucking smiled. This morning you were a complete asshole, this afternoon you were an egotistical maniac, and twenty minutes ago you were rude and cold. So excuse me if I'm fucking confused!"

"I've already apologized for this morning, Isabella. I don't apologize very often." His voice was strained, the only indication that he was trying to control his anger.

"I don't care about this morning! Well, I do, but that's beside the point! You basically called me a whore at that table, surrounded by people I'm going to have to work with!"

"I implied no such thing, Isabella."

_"I don't think I can share?" _I imitated him badly, but I couldn't have cared less. "What gives you the right? No one said you had a chance in the first place, and you don't get to imply that I'll sleep with every guy I'm _friends_ with!" The fact that he smiled at me only fuelled my anger even more.

_Fucking asshole._

"I promise you that is not what I meant." His voice was eerily calm as he leaned back in, his forearm resting on the wall, bringing him even closer than before. I tried to lean back, but there was no way I could have gotten closer to the solid wall behind me.

"I'm sorry if I don't believe anything you say. The only time you're civil to me is when you've been drinking," I answered. He raised his eyebrows at my newest revelation.

"A double scotch doesn't make anyone drunk, Isabella."

"No, but you had more than that on the plane."

"What makes you say that?" He whispered his question, his breath washing over my face. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat, thinking it would be easier when I wasn't enthralled by his gaze.

_Because you never would have flirted with me otherwise._

"Is that really what you think?"

_Shit, did I say that out loud?_

"Isabella, I wouldn't have to be drunk to flirt with you. If you say that's what I did, then it was because I couldn't help it, not because it was the alcohol talking."

"You don't remember?" I asked with incredulity. Of course he didn't fucking remember, why would he?

"Never drink scotch while on sleeping pills." He smirked as if it was some inside joke, but all I felt was anger.

"So how did you know that I didn't want to talk about Forks?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I had him there.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't play fucking dumb, Edward. The choking fit? Telling Emmett to stop talking? Do you really think I'm that stupid? A dumb whore, is that what I am now?" Yes, I realizes he had never said or implied those words, but I was pissed at his attitude.

"Stop it! Did I fucking say that?" And he was back to being angry.

"You know what? It doesn't even matter. Why am I bothering anyway?"

"Isabella..."

"Let me out."

"What?"

"Please, just let me go." I was hurt, it wouldn't take a genius to work that out.

"Isabella, I..."

"You've made it quite clear that it wasn't important, Edward. Now let me go. I accept your apology, but I don't want you anywhere near me."

"Stop!" He grabbed my wrist and yanked me back, my back crashing against the wall again.

"Edward, please..."

"You can't fucking accuse me of something I didn't do and then walk off!"

A tear spilled over and tracked its way down my cheek. Edward's eyes zeroed in on it before they narrowed in anger.

"Why the fuck are you upset? Fucking Christ, is that all it takes? Are you so weak that words hurt you that easily?" His temper was beginning to scare me, but my fear didn't mask the hurt that his words inflicted.

"I asked you to let me go." I gathered all the courage I could muster, but I still didn't think it was enough.

"Yes, and clearly I didn't. Was there a point to that statement?" He smirked, but it didn't hide the anger still prominent in his eyes. I didn't understand what I had done to piss him off so much. I thought he had calmed down. The way he had said my name...the way it made me react. The soft tone to his voice that had me melted against the wall. It had all come and gone in a matter of seconds.

Edward's head moved slightly and my eyes snapped back to his. My breathing hitched as I calculated his movement. He was dipping his head, his eyes narrowed on my lips, his nostrils flaring as he worked the remainder of his anger out of his system. Fuck, that was hot.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I turned my head at the last minute and his forehead landed on my temple. He sighed in aggravation, his breath making my whole body tingle as it washed over my exposed ear and neck. I had pissed him off again, simply because I wasn't letting him have his way. Why did he want to kiss me anyway? More importantly, why wasn't I letting him?

The hand in my line of vision pulled back from the wall, and not a second later his fist connected with it, causing me to jump in surprise.

"Fuck." He pulled back sharply and started pacing in front of me. What was with this guy? No emotion or mood lasted more than a minute at any given time. Did alcohol and sleeping pills do that to a person? Make them so erratic that they couldn't settle on one feeling? Cause memory loss to the extent where they forget whole conversations?

The bags under his eyes told me he wasn't sleeping unaided, and I had been there when he ordered his scotch at the table. Didn't he know that he'd surely feel better if he gave one up? Or both? Were things so bad that he needed both drugs and alcohol to get him through the day? If so, then Edward Cullen was seriously fucked up.

My heart clenched at the thought. He clearly hated me, but there I was, worried about him. I didn't want to be the woman who wanted the guy just so she could change him. I didn't want to get involved with him at all, but something in my chest - yes, my heart - wasn't giving me a choice. I hadn't even known him for twenty-four hours, and already I was completely under his spell.

Did I mention that it was obvious he hated me? I was so, so fucked. How many times had I said that since he had breezed into my life?

"Would you quit fucking staring at me? Seriously, it feels like you're gonna put a hole in my head!" Edward fumed. I tried desperately to not let his accent affect me, but what was the use? I was powerless against it.

"Actually, I think that might be the pills. Oh, or maybe the scotch? Who knows..." He stopped pacing immediately and looked at me incredulously. Nope, I have no idea what possessed me to piss him off further. He was suddenly before me again, drowning me in his scent and ragged breathing.

"You know fuck all about me. I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way. Why the fuck did I even bother apologizing? You clearly aren't worth my time." Although his words were like a knife to my heart, confirming everything I had been afraid of, there was something in his tone that told me he was trying to convince himself more than me.

He turned on his heel and headed in the direction of the front door. From my spot against the wall, I noticed that he didn't even spare a word for our companions at the table as he grabbed his jacket and made a bee-line for the door. Fucking rude is all that was.

When the door closed behind him, it was like a switch had been flicked. I could suddenly breathe again, but simultaneously, I could no longer hold in my frayed emotions. As the tears battled for release, I took a deep breath and headed back to our table.

All eyes followed me across the restaurant. I noticed the waiter taking their orders as I approached, and made a split-second decision to leave them to it. I picked my bag up from the floor and grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair.

"I'm sorry. I'm really not up to this. Thanks for inviting me, Felix, and for today. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" He looked like he was about to argue before Heidi laid a hand on his forearm.

"Your meeting is at ten, Bella. We'll see you there." I smiled at her in gratitude before turning and leaving quietly. I made it to the sidewalk in front of the restaurant before I heard my name being called.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, Jasper. Just leave it. I think it's safe to say we won't be buddies any time soon." My smile clearly wasn't convincing enough as he pulled me into a hug.

"You'll tell me if he does anything to you?" His concern comforted me beyond anyone else's, and I found myself smiling again.

"Yes. I'm okay, really. I just don't want to sit around a table with five people I barely know. It's been a long day. I think I'll just crash when I get back to my hotel." He squeezed me to him gently, and I had to hide my squeak of surprise at his gesture.

I wasn't sure whether my concern was warranted or not. We were standing on a busy sidewalk, and he was Jasper Whitlock for Christ's sake, anyone could have recognized him. I found it strange that no paparazzi had hounded either him or Edward on our way to the restaurant, but at the time, I hadn't dwelled on it.

He hailed a cab, held the door open, and waved me goodbye as the driver pulled away from the curb. I rested my head back against the seat in sheer exhaustion. My mixed emotions had really taken it out of me.

I closed my eyes too soon to notice the photographer the taxi passed, situated further down the street. I was too tired to care that his lens was long enough for a clear shot of the front of the restaurant.

The only thing on my mind was facing my mother when I returned to the hotel suite. I tried my hardest to relax into the seat as the cabbie looked at me carefully. I guess he noticed the way the camera followed his car until we turned the corner and disappeared out of sight.

**~BtG~**

"Good God, girl. What took so long?" Renee pounced on me the second I slid the key card into the lock on our hotel suite door.

She had told me - in one of our few actual conversations - that we would be staying in a hotel suite until she could find us an apartment, or as she had put it, we had the money for her to find us an apartment.

I wasn't stupid; I knew she lived off my money. I never saw it, with whatever contracts that had been written up, my mother got a large percentage of any money I made, and the rest was put into an account that I never saw. I had never thought to ask her about it, so I had assumed I couldn't get at it.

"I went to lunch with Heidi and her fiancé and some friends." I shrugged, throwing my card onto the table beside the door and heading into the kitchen for some water. I hadn't even gotten my water at the restaurant.

"The receptionist? What were you doing with the receptionist of all people?" The contempt in her voice was palpable as she came to the conclusion that because she was "only" the receptionist, she was beneath us, or her at least.

"Her fiancé is Felix. You know, the one that I'm signing a contract with?" I rolled my eyes, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in my voice.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady. I guess I should be happy you didn't mess it up. When do we sign the contracts?" Of course she wasn't going to express any happiness. Of course she wasn't going to say she was proud of me, or that we should celebrate the beginning of my career. She only thought about herself; I was simply a pawn in her game.

"Tomorrow morning at ten." I gulped the ice-cold water from my glass and set it back on the counter before turning to face her.

"Good. Right, I'll meet you there then. I have a couple of meetings tonight and I'll be staying out." She turned on her heel without so much as a smile, picked her bag and key from the table, and left, the door swinging shut behind her.

I suppressed a shiver of disgust at her use of the word "meetings". I had been subject to enough of her meetings over the years to know there was nothing normal about them.

Bankers, video producers, song writers, air stewards, random men in bars. I had even walked in on one of her "meetings" with a guy that was supposed to be helping me score an interview with one of the song writing companies in New York. The next morning, she made no point of hiding the fact that she thought me walking in "mid-meeting" was what ruined it. She even muttered something about being "outdone" by her own daughter.

I couldn't remember a time where I hadn't either cried or thrown up with each of my mother's newest failed meetings. She was essentially whoring herself out for money, and the mere fact that I was a part of it made me ill. It may have been hard, but what she did could never be seen as necessary or right.

It wouldn't be long before she was scoping out Volturi Records. She'd want someone young, good looking, of course, promising, and in with the right people. How was I supposed to concentrate on me, and doing my Goddamned best, when I had her scheming to worry about? It wasn't hard to imagine that now that I had something good for myself, Renee would be the one to ruin it.

I never expected the extreme to which I would be proven right. She was set out to ruin my life while making the most of hers, and I couldn't do anything about it.

A single unbidden thought entered my mind; that maybe Edward was right about me. If I turned into anything like my mother, then by default, I would become the female equivalent of him. The tears welled in my eyes again. He thought so little of me, and I actually didn't blame him.

What was there to me? I wasn't beautiful or overly smart. I wasn't tall, or blonde, or busty, or sexy. There was nothing in a girl like me that would appeal to a man like Edward. The only reason he had flirted with me was because he had made the mistake of thinking I would have been an easy lay. He wasn't interested in _me_.

No one was interested in me. The only person who had thus far showed any kind of faith in me was Felix, and I barely knew him. The only thing that gave me the slightest bit of hope was that Volturi Records actually wanted me to work for them.

I had written songs for other artists, that either appeared on their albums or became songs on a film soundtrack, but my name had never been recognized. I would complete them at home and send them away; the people who received them never met me. That was probably the only reason they were ever used.

I walked through to my bedroom, feeling worse than I had all day. I felt guilty, it had been a successful day, I had made new friends, met new people, but I still wasn't happy. It only took a few words from my mother - who had conveniently forgotten she was even my mother - to turn the tables on me.

I stripped out of my dress and heels, throwing on a pair of sweats and a tank top. I pulled the tight band out of my hair, sighing in relief as my hair tumbled down around my shoulders. It wasn't even half way through the day, and already I just wanted to crawl into bed and not come back out.

My stomach rumbled viciously as I hung up my dress, and I quickly decided to order some food. What was the point in staying in a hotel, if you didn't make the most of the amenities? Pressing the hash button on the phone, I asked the girl on the other end for a boat-load of food, wondering briefly if she would be disgusted at me ordering so much.

When a knock sounded at the door, I looked to the clock, noting that I had spent nearly forty minutes staring out of the window over Los Angeles. I let the boy in with his trolley, handed him a ten dollar note, and ushered him back out, without so much as a word. I was pretty sure he glanced around the apartment, obviously looking for the party that all the food was for.

_No fucker, I want to pig out, now leave me the fuck to it._

Did I mention that I get violent when I'm hungry, pissed off and depressed? It really isn't a healthy combination.

With the food spread out on the black coffee table, I picked up the remote for the flat-screen and flicked it onto an old movie. I was in full-on self-pity mode, and with my mother gone for the night, doing God only knew what, I was going to make the most of the peace I would rarely get again.

_"You can tell me that there's nobody else_

_You can tell me that you're home by yourself_

_You can look into my eyes and pretend all you want_

_But I know, I know_

_Your love is just a lie_

_I know you're nothing but a lie_

_Your love is a lie."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling it?**

**What do we think then? Just what is going on with Edward? :O**

**I'd like to take a min of your time to let you all know that I have written an entry for The Cherry Exchange Contest 2010 :) It's called Don't Believe The Hype and you can find the story on my ffn profile. However, if you go to www(dot)thecherryexchange(dot)com , you can read all the entries and vote for your favourites! Hopefully, mine is one of them *winks***

**Either way let me know what you think of it :P**

**Oh, and this! PLEASE REVIEW! :P**

**twitter = LiveInDakota , blog = www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**xx**


	7. Sail Away With Me

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Hey all! Happy New Year!**

**I can only apologise for the wait you've all had, but I know that those of you following me on twitter got the teaser I sent out for this fic! :)**

**I thank you all for your patience and continued support and I hope you like this...there's more clues...more hints...and no answers...gotta love it :P**

**SM owns all things Twilight and all lyrics are property of their respective owners :)**

**Enjoy x**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Sail Away With Me**

The shrill ringing of the suite's phone stole me unceremoniously from my sleep.

The fact that I had been dreaming about Edward Cullen growing fangs and draining the life out of me, while all those we knew watched and laughed, only made me seem certifiably crazy. I actually had to shake off a chill when I pulled myself off the sofa cushions.

"Hello?" I answered groggily.

"Miss Swan, you have a Heidi Fisher at reception for you. Would you like me to send her up, or would you rather come down?"

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and narrowed them at the clock on the wall, the receding haze causing my sight to appear filmy. It was just before eight in the evening; I had slept my day away. The film that had been on the television was long finished, and I actually felt ill as I looked at the remains of the lunch I had managed to devour.

"Just send her up, thanks. She's a friend." The girl on the end of the line told me she was on her way up and wished me a good evening.

Five minutes later there was a light knock on the door, and I shuffled across the expanse of carpet to let her in. However, when the door swung open, Alice was the one standing on the other side instead of Heidi. I was just about to voice my confusion when Heidi's voice floated along the corridor.

"I'm engaged. So get your hands off me, or you won't have any hands to play with this time tomorrow!" Alice giggled lightly, and I rolled my eyes as Heidi came into view. Her fiery temper disappeared from her face, and she smiled at me kindly.

"So, are we going to stand out here all night, or are we allowed in?" I stood back, letting them pass quietly into the suite. Heidi whistled lowly as she took a look around. "This place isn't bad, Bella. Not bad at all."

I cringed as her eyes landed on the food scattered throughout the living room. I hadn't had time to move more than a couple of dishes to the sink before Alice knocked.

"The girl at reception said I only had one guest." I narrowed my eyes at Heidi in accusation, but she only rolled her own before throwing her bag and jacket down on the dining room chair.

"I was worried about you, and when I mentioned a slumber party, Alice's eyes lit up like a fucking Christmas tree. You try saying no to her." Heidi laughed as Alice only shrugged innocently.

"Looks like we missed the party…"

"I was hungry…" I answered. An unflattering snort came from my right, and I glared at Alice. She wasn't invited, and I didn't ask them to come over, so what right did they have to mock my coping mechanism?

They had no idea what it was like to be pushed and pulled in different directions before being dismissed like you meant nothing by a guy who otherwise was too good to be true. Or what it was like to then come home and have the same thing happen to you all over again. By a mother who didn't care how you were treated as long as the end result benefited her.

"I was hungry and alone, okay? I heard so much shit about myself today that I began to believe it. I believed it so much that when I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw. So I decided I didn't care anymore. What does it matter what I look like? I have the job. It's obvious no one is ever going to want me anyway, so who cares if I sit alone in my hotel room pigging out while my mother whores herself out in the name of my career! God, I'm going to be sick…" I ran in the direction of the bathroom, only just making it in time before everything I had pecked at came back up.

I heaved dramatically even when my stomach was empty. I grasped my hands to my abdomen, thinking it might help the pain as the heaving continued. Tears were streaming down my face as I felt someone gently gathering the loose tendrils of my hair and holding them up behind my head.

I managed to choke out a "Don't" to whomever was behind me before my entire body shuddered one last time.

"Shh, Bella." Heidi's voice was calm and soothing as she pressed a damp cloth to my forehead. I moved slowly, sitting back on the floor and resting my head back on the top of the toilet seat. Heidi ran her fingers through my hair softly as my breathing evened out and the beads of sweat dried from my skin.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." I shook my head, shaking off her apology.

"It's not your fault. I think I was ready to snap anyway. Good job I didn't do it at work, huh?" I smiled as she giggled lightly, pressing the rinsed cloth back to my head.

"Can you get up?" I nodded, slowly rising up onto my feet, feeling my head spin as I opened my eyes. I may have pigged out, but now I needed to eat again, too weak to even hold myself up.

"Good thing this place came with a microwave, huh?" We both laughed as I wobbled my way out of the bathroom, Heidi running into the back of me when I stopped short.

In the time I had been draped over the toilet, Alice had completely cleared all of my mess in the living area and had put the food that could be reheated on the island in the kitchen. There was a glass of water and two Advil sitting innocently beside two rather large glasses of white wine. Strike one on the mini-bar bill. Who was I kidding? A place like this didn't have a _mini_-bar.

"I'm sorry. I was a bitch." I set out to apologize to Alice, before I realized I owed them both an apology for what I said.

"Forget about it. Take these, but eat something first." Alice pushed the glass and pills in my direction before waving her hand at the assortment of food on the island.

Without thinking about it, I grabbed a fork and started digging into the omelet I hadn't touched, not caring that it was stone cold. It still tasted good. I finished it off and then shoved the fries in the microwave for thirty seconds.

Despite having eaten only a couple of hours before, I was famished. I dug in, not really caring what I was eating, only wanting to fill the void inside me. Little did I know that food would never be able to satiate me.

"Wow, I thought Emmett ate a lot…" Alice's voice trailed off, and although it was meant in good humor, I dropped the fork with a clang. I took in the three empty plates before me and felt tears pricking at my eyes. When I looked back up to my two companions, I felt disgusted with myself all over again.

"Shit. Bella, I'm sorry. I was just joking." I nodded at Alice's panic-stricken expression as Heidi enveloped me from the side. The tinges of her light perfume helped to calm me as I stuttered incoherently, feeling ashamed at my display.

Why couldn't I be collected and sure like Heidi? She was set in her ways, in love, and ready to settle down with the man of her dreams even though she was only two years older than me. Why couldn't I be as confident in my ways?

"I'm sorry. I just must be having one of those days." Thankfully I saw Alice smile, and that one gesture made the pity slip away.

I pulled myself together, throwing my shoulders back and wiping beneath my eyes. This pathetic creature was not who I wanted to be. I felt like I must have been annoying just to be around. I mean, really, nothing had technically happened to me, and yet I was acting like I had the world against me.

I reminded myself that I had a brand new multi-thousand dollar contract, a new home to spend my days – away from my mother, and most importantly, I seemed to have scored myself some pretty great friends to spend the rest of my time with.

I knocked back the Advil, finised off the glass of cool water and turned back to the girls. "So, a slumber party? What exactly does that entail?" I laughed as Alice clapped her hands and bounced on the balls of her feet, portraying a five year old perfectly.

"This is going to be your best slumber party ever!"

"Alice, this is going to be my only slumber party ever," I replied in a dry tone. Her jaw dropped slightly before she rearranged her expression.

"Well, that makes my work even less difficult." Heidi laughed good-naturedly at Alice's reply, and we all moved ourselves to the massive sofa, wine glasses in hand.

"You didn't answer my question. What does a slumber party actually entail?" I asked, letting myself relax into the soft cushions.

"Oh, you know…painting our nails, gossiping, talking about boys, drinking far too much, watching chick-flicks…" I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids. It didn't sound like much fun to me, but I wasn't going to admit that aloud.

Two hours later, disbelievingly, that's exactly what was happening. I had what had to be my fifth glass of wine in my hand while Alice put the finishing touches to my now deep purple nail polish. I flexed my toes to air them out as she sat back in her seat with flair.

"It's not even funny how long it's been since I did this," Heidi said, sighing.

"Tell me about it. I travel constantly with two guys. Don't get me wrong. I love them both, but I hardly ever get any time to myself. There's always some kind of emergency…" Alice trailed off, a guilty look on her face, as if she had said too much.

"Trust me. Female companionship isn't all it's cracked up to be." I snorted at my own statement. That was the understatement of the fucking century.

"So, your mom, huh? You want to talk about it?" Heidi asked. I shook my head. "What about your manager? I mean, she came across a bit cold too, but can't you go to her?" I laughed hysterically before I could stop myself.

When I thought about it, it didn't really surprise me. Renee and I looked nothing alike, and anywhere we went she introduced herself as Miss Higgins, 'the manager.' I sometimes wondered if she had actually forgotten she was my mother. She spent so long in the manager role that all of her supposed "motherly instincts" just fell by the wayside.

"Heidi, my mother is my manager…" I wasn't sure whether she was being genuine or it was the alcohol in her system, but her reaction was more severe that I would have expected. Her hand flew to her mouth as she gasped, and I swear I even saw tears form in the corners of her eyes.

"The bitch on the plane was your mother?" Alice screeched. I could only nod. "Fuck, Edward was livid with her. He kept saying he came this close to opening the door just so he could get rid of her. He very nearly got Emmett to…" Her eyes widened as she looked at me. "I had no idea she was with you…" I had clearly had too much alcohol, because I couldn't make the link as to why that statement was important.

"I don't know why he was so angry. It's not like she would have turned him down," I replied bitterly. Alice only looked at me in confusion. "She was all over him in the bar. He completely ignored me when she appeared, so he was clearly into it, or just desperate to get laid…" I clarified. Heidi laughed from beside me while Alice shook her head adamantly.

"No, Bella. He said he was so angry because she had interrupted something. He said he nearly hit her for 'making her cry'…" She bent her fingers in quotation marks before continuing. "I didn't put the pieces together until now. Was it you two she interrupted?" Her eyes were lit up, and I nodded apprehensively. My brain couldn't comprehend what she was trying to get at.

"We were talking is all. It's not like she interrupted anything important." My own words rang around my head, making me uncomfortable.

It hadn't been anything important, and yet, at the time, it felt like the world had ceased to exist. When he touched me, that damn spark had spread throughout my body, and his eyes had darkened and glistened before me. In my fuzzy, wine-induced haze, I couldn't put my finger on the point of my thoughts and shook my head.

"He's an asshole. She's a bitch. Perfect pairing if you ask me." I snorted at Heidi's input. It hurt, but it was true.

"He's not an asshole. He just has…issues…" Alice answered. It seemed I couldn't stop snorting during this conversation.

"Trust me, Allie. You saw what happened in the restaurant. He wasn't much better at the studio, either. He's an asshole." I smiled lightly as Heidi reiterated her point.

"Why, what did he do?" I laid my head back on the top of the sofa and closed my eyes, willing the room to stop spinning.

I let Heidi launch into the tale of my day, knowing she had been there for most of it. It sounded like a soap opera, and I was about to remind her it wasn't all bad, but something stopped me. Something made me want to keep my two encounters with Jasper a secret. A small smile played across my lips as I thought of his hug, his concern, and his laughter earlier in the day when I had insulted his best friend.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Alice's voice broke me out of my reverie, and I found them both looking at me in puzzlement. They were probably wondering why I was smiling like a loon. "I don't know what's gotten into him since we got here. It all started on the plane…I have no excuse…"

"There is no excuse, Al. He's an asshole to me, and that's it. He obviously doesn't like me, and I'll just have to get used to it." I shrugged nonchalantly, even though it was hurting like a bitch. Maybe I was in the wrong profession; I could totally be an actress.

"He's…complicated. I've worked for him for nearly 8 years, and I still don't know everything about him. He keeps his cards close to his chest, and I think it's obvious that he very rarely lets someone in. Why that is, I couldn't tell you. He isn't an asshole all the time. I know that isn't what you want to hear, Bella, but I honestly don't know why he's acting like he is towards you." Alice finished.

She was right; I didn't want to hear that. If it was clear he was an asshole to _everyone,_ I'd feel better about the way he treated me. So then why did he hate me so much when he didn't even know me?

"Damn, there I was hoping you could give us some clues into the brain of Edward Cullen." Heidi was joking, but she had no idea I was sitting beside her truly wishing for that very thing.

"I'm his publicist. I'm there to cover up the signs, not tell people what they mean." She sighed, her fingers picking at a loose thread in her jeans. "Look, guys, I'm sorry I can't help, but I _literally_ can't. I can't tell you anything."

"Gotta hate a confidentiality agreement, huh?" We all chuckled at Heidi's input, but my heart was constricting awkwardly in my chest. Why that little piece of information made me feel uncomfortable, I didn't know. I hated that I was so interested in Edward Cullen, especially when he clearly wanted nothing to do with me.

What did she mean, cover up the signs? Why was I so damned interested? But I was, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about it. Damn him and his mystery and damn pretty eyes.

"Signs?" Heidi asked. I looked at her and smirked. Yep, I had picked that up, too.

"Shit. Guys, really. I can't."

"Okay, we get it," Heidi quipped. No, I didn't, but I wasn't going to push. Well, not tonight anyway. She was clearly feeling bad for having said too much already.

Suddenly, making all of us jump, Alice's Blackberry started buzzing furiously from the dining room table. Panic flitted across her face, and her mouth dropped into an "o". She looked at her watch quickly before jumping up and literally running for it.

"Edward?" My heart was in my throat. The panic I had noticed on her face was now firmly settled in my stomach. She hadn't been expecting a call, so she obviously thought there was something wrong. What if he was in trouble? She had been drinking, so she couldn't help him. By default it was my fault. I was the reason she had drank so much. I was the reason she couldn't go and help him.

"Fuck, Edward. Why? You're doing it all over again! There's only so much I can do!" She was whispering, trying desperately not to raise her voice, but I could still hear her frustration and concern. I watched as she pulled the phone back from her ear, Edward's booming voice piercing through the receiver. He wasn't happy.

"I can't! I've been drinking! This is all you! I'll deal with it in the morning. Don't worry, I'll make sure the media don't hear about it, _again_! You have no idea what I've done for you, so don't take it out on me. You can find your own damned way home, because I can't do it!"

She took the phone from her ear and stabbed the "end" button before putting it back in her pocket. Her shoulders were hunched and shaking, as she kept her back to us. Both Heidi and I were frozen, not knowing what to do. She suddenly stood upright, wiped the tears from her eyes and picked up her jacket.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I have to go. I need to make sure he's okay." I nodded, but I couldn't stop my concern or curiosity from arising.

"What's happened?" It surprised me when she actually answered.

"Oh, the usual. The two girls he fell into bed with want more than a one-night-stand. It's my pleasure, and my job, to make sure they don't get as far as the media. He only shouted because he's drunk…again…" My heart ached for her, but above that, my heart shattered with her words.

He didn't just sleep with one girl a night. He slept with two, no doubt, at the same time_. He's drunk…again_. He didn't care whom he slept with, as long as he got laid. It was now abundantly clear to me that that's all I was too. There was no reason to think anything else. Why the hell did I have to be so attached to a guy who was clearly the _least_ attachable? He wasn't just the world's hottest bachelor; he was also an asshole, a pig, and a drunk.

Fuck, I was so screwed. And yet, when Alice flew out the door, telling us she was going to wait outside Edward's hotel until he got back, I insisted on going with her. So that she wasn't alone, of course.

"_I been talking drunken jibberish,_

_Falling in and out of bars._

_Trying to get some explanation here,_

_For the way some people are._

_How did it come so far?"_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling it? :)**

**Have any of you noticed that my song choices (at the end of each chapter) are the only EPOV you're getting? Bet you didn't... :O**

**Hope y'all can take a few mins and let me know what you thought :)**

**Twitter = LiveInDakota**

**Blog = www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**xx**


	8. Midnight Desires

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Happy weekend! Lol, unless your Australian or something similar in which case it's Sunday already! :L**

**Thank you to everyone who is reviewing this story, I love you all, and the encouragement is a major help in more ways than one :)**

**Did you see the name of this chapter? :O:O Ooohhh...what will happen me wonders :P**

**SM owns all things Twilight, and all lyrics are property of their respective owners :)**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8: Midnight Desires**

Why the hell was I doing this to myself? My heart was already racing, my palms already sweating, and I was only sitting in the back of a cab on my way to Edward's hotel.

This wasn't any of my business. Edward clearly wanted nothing to do with me. He had treated me like I belonged on the bottom of his shoe since he met me, but still, _something_ was telling me I had to try. Why I thought I would be any help at all, I didn't know.

Our car wound its way up the hillside, the darkness of the Hollywood hills looming on either side of us. Our driver took us almost reluctantly through the stone gateway before pulling up at the end of a long driveway. The Chateau Marmont stood proudly and chicly before us.

I took my time, savouring the landscape and the hotel before me. Looking back, you could see the lights of Los Angeles twinkling innocently in the night sky, Sunset Strip nestled directly below us.

It was surprisingly fitting. Everyone knew of the Chateau Marmont. The Hollywood motto was, after all, "If you must get in trouble, do it at the Chateau Marmont." Edward could bend the rules as much as he liked here and not hear a thing about it. Exclusivity, privacy, elegance and secrecy were all contained within the stone walls, and I suddenly felt like I shouldn't be there.

I didn't want to learn any more about Edward's out of control behaviour. My naïve mind wanted to keep him untainted and approachable, but we all knew that wasn't possible, or conceivable. I had to admit to myself what he was really like; maybe then I would be able to let my stupid little fantasy go. However, even as I thought of it, I knew it was highly unlikely.

In the space of four days Edward Cullen had become an obsession, almost a drug. Like my own brand of heroin. No matter how bad or unhealthy he was for me, I wanted, no, needed more. I needed to see his face, whether troubled or happy, hear his sinfully slick voice caress my name, or even just quietly observe him. The way he shoved his hand through his hair when he was frustrated, the way he pinched the bridge of his nose when he was angry, or how about the way his eyebrow would cock upwards in question.

Fuck, I was screwed already.

"Miss Brandon! I'm afraid Mr Cullen is not here." A man, in his thirties at most, approached us, a smile on his face and his hands opened in front of him in welcome.

He was handsome in a wholesome kind of way. His dark hair was perfectly cut and styled, his russet skin glowed in the light along with his unbelievably white teeth as he smiled widely. His tall frame came to a stop in front of us, and I found myself wondering if everyone in this world was good looking.

"Jacob! This is Bella Swan, a good friend of Edward's," Alice introduced us.

I swivelled my head to look at her, but she wasn't paying me any attention. "Bella and I thought we'd wait for him to get back. He shouldn't be long, we just wanted to make sure his first night wasn't too rough, you know how he is." Her sugary sweet tone wrapped around us, and while Jacob's eyes narrowed momentarily, he didn't have anything to argue with.

Instead, he rounded on me. "Miss Swan, a pleasure." He took my hand in both of his before raising it to his mouth and brushing a kiss across my knuckles. There was something far too friendly in his gesture, and with a forced smile I brought my hand back to my side.

"I think we'll just wait at the bar, Jacob." Alice effectively dismissed him, but it was as if he didn't even hear her. I shuddered as his eyes travelled the length of my body, which I was only just remembering was clad in far from glamorous clothing.

Before leaving the suite I had only had the sense to change out of my sweats and into the first pair of jeans I could find, and throw my leather jacket on atop my vest top.

Alice linked her arm through mine and pulled me away, leaving Jacob smiling at the valet stand. He really wasn't that bad, maybe he just liked what he saw. It's not like I was used to that sort of attention, maybe I just needed to get used to it. He wasn't bad looking, and he had a nice smile. He even seemed to have good manners. Wait, why was I even thinking about him? It wasn't like he had asked me out.

I shook my head to rid myself of my thoughts and gasped softly as we entered into the reception area of the hotel. What I wouldn't give to even stay there for a weekend.

Alice led us through the darkened bar, her heels clipping gently across the expanse of floor. Taking our stools, it was mere seconds before she had her guest card out and the barman was swiping it. According to her running commentary, there was a bar for guests – the one we were in – that was more exclusive than the public one.

No one knew who either of us were, but she was still adamant that when faced with the choice, always choose exclusivity. I noted that down as my first piece of Hollywood advice. She was a media guru after all, she knew these things.

"Be careful. With Jacob, I mean."

I looked up from my glass and found Alice watching me carefully.

"He's a good guy, but he can be a little intense once he sees something he wants…"

"Okay…" I didn't manage to hide the confusion in my tone. Why was she telling me this?

"He definitely saw something he wanted, Bella. He's not usually that…friendly…" She continued. Once again a shiver rolled down my spine, uncomfortable with our topic. Alice was none the wiser and only smiled brightly. "Maybe you should give him a chance? It can't hurt to go on a date…You are single after all…"

There was something in both her tone and her eyes that told me she was trying to get information out of me. Yes, I was single. She knew that. Yes, I didn't want to be, and I think she knew that, too. It was like she was suddenly trying to warn me off Edward. When not an hour before she had been trying to excuse his behaviour.

When she turned back to the barman, flirting shamelessly, I tuned her out, deciding to ignore the strange vibes she had been sending my way.

A date couldn't hurt, could it? Not that he'd even asked me on a date. I was clearly living on another planet if I even entertained the thought that Edward would ever ask me out. Or Jasper, for that matter. Just because he had been nice – a gentleman – twice, did not mean he was even remotely interested. Going on a date with Jacob would in no way make Edward jealous, which, of course, was what I wanted.

Could I put the unease and shivers to one side and see if I could even hold my own on a date? I'd never been asked out before, never been taken to dinner, never been kissed goodnight. No one had ever told me I looked pretty, unless they were a sleazy "record producer."

Was it so bad to want all that? For someone to look at me like I took their breath away, or to take my hand without even thinking about it? I surreptitiously wiped away a stray tear and gulped back my cocktail. I thought it had gone unnoticed, but the barman was looking at me with concern etched in his young eyes.

"Miss?" The barman turned to my right. Alice was too busy keying something into her blackberry to be paying attention to me.

"Another one? Please…"

"Riley, Miss. I'm on most nights." He smiled kindly, and I couldn't help but return it. He looked like he was barely out of high school, but, of course, he had to be if he was serving alcohol.

"Call me Bella. Miss makes me sound like a diva," I replied through a smile.

"Of course, Bella. Coming right up." He turned his back to us and set about making me another drink.

Okay, so I wasn't completely hopeless. I could hold a conversation – albeit a short one – with a good looking guy without making a complete fool of myself. I don't think either of us was flirting, but it was a step in the right direction. What wasn't a step, though, was that I had no idea when to tell if a guy was flirting with me.

I had tried with Edward on the plane, and it looked like it had been working at the time, but I'd already established that it didn't take much for him. I covered my sigh with a smile in Riley's direction and closed my eyes as the cool liquid slid down my throat. How was I not drunk? I'd had far more alcohol than ever before in the past few hours and yet I felt fine.

"So, how do you know Jacob?" I asked. Alice turned to me with a smile, suddenly interested in me again.

"Jake is my contact for everything in LA. My little birdie if you will. If I ever need some information about a place or where someone is, I can count on him. He calls himself a Personal Assistant slash Consultant, but really he just gets paid millions for knowing everyone's business."

I tried not to let my eyes bug out of my head at her casual drop of how much he earned, but I don't think I was very successful.

"He used to be a concierge in one of the most exclusive hotels in the city, but he gave it up and decided to use all his knowledge to milk the rest of us dry. He was the one who told me the Chateau Marmont had a vacant suite, before anyone else did, and that Edward would be secluded up here. I don't know if you've noticed, but there aren't many female employees around…" She waved her hand around, and as my eyes followed, I couldn't deny that she was right.

"Is that a problem?"

She rolled her eyes as if I was in pre-school. "Yes. Bella, Edward tends to screw anything in a skirt. A one night stand with a female employee is always the hardest thing for me to cover up. He has a habit of making my life difficult."

"Maybe he just wants to have fun…" Riley trailed off at the look he received from Alice. It wasn't that his input wasn't wanted, just that she obviously didn't agree.

"He's been having fun for nearly a decade Ri. He'll wake up in the morning and not know how he got home, or what he has to do during the day. All he'll care about is when he can get his next drink, and how many women he can get through his hands in one night. I don't think he's ever stopped to realize just how much work I do. It's not easy trying to cover up a bombshell of a story nearly every night of the week…"

I really didn't want to sit and listen to them anymore, but like watching an accident happen in front of you, I couldn't move away. I was hungry for as much information as I could garner on Edward Cullen, whether I would like it or not. The latter being more likely.

"Speak of the devil…" Riley pointed behind our heads, and before I could blink, Edward had stumbled onto the stool on the other side of Alice. Oh God, I wasn't prepared for this. It was clear just by looking at him that he had had far too much to drink, but instead of going straight to his bungalow he had come to the bar. Another bar. I suddenly didn't know what to do, or why I had come.

"I'll take him back." Alice turned to Edward, and spoke to him next. "Edward, you won't get served here, let's go back to the bungalow, yeah?"

"Are you going to drink with me?" His eyes swivelled to her, completely overlooking me. Nice.

"Of course, let's just get you back first, yeah?" I thought he was going to argue, but he didn't even respond to her question. He had completely zoned out.

"I think she might need some help, Bella." Riley pointed with his head, and I gulped trying to rid myself of the air pocket lodged in my throat.

"I don't think I should be here…"

"Who cares what he thinks, Bella. You obviously came here because you care…" Riley said as I downed the last of my drink for courage and turned my back. "Maybe that's exactly what he needs," Riley mumbled from behind me, but I decided to ignore him, not really knowing what he meant.

Edward let his head fall into his hands before he started mumbling at the bar top. Alice looked to me, exasperation written across her face.

"I can't get him up…" God knows where my courage or madness came from, but with the light bulb lit above my head, I stopped directly in front of Edward.

I put one hand atop his on the bar, and the other I let wander through his silky hair. My heart rate increased as the soft strands bent through my fingers, and I swear I heard him purr. It was even softer than I had imagined it. Yes, I had imagined how soft his hair was, shoot me.

"Bella?"

My breath caught in my throat and I completely forgot Alice and Riley were even there. How did he know it was me when he hadn't even looked at me yet? Did that mean he could feel the pulse of energy between us? Could he sense my presence when I was near, like I could his?

"Come on, Edward. Let's get you to bed…"

His head snapped up and he smirked at me. His eyes were heavy, both with the alcohol he had consumed, and the tiredness seeping from his every pore. Why did he want to carry on when he was obviously so shattered? But there was something wrong with them, the colour was different, the shape even. Whose eyes changed shape? I was crazy.

"That's what I've been asking all along, Miss Swan."

My face flushed as I realized how he had taken my remark, but I decided to roll with it.

"As much as I'd love to have you right here, Edward, your room would be best…" I stared him in the eyes, daring him to back down. Of course, he wasn't going to, he was in this for the challenge. I tried not to let it hurt, but all I was to him was a challenge.

It looked as if he had completely disregarded Alice's presence too, but I could see her covering her mouth, trying desperately not to laugh out loud. His eyes narrowed, and once again I watched as his green irises darkened. Was that desire? I only had what I'd read about to go on, how was I supposed to know?

He slipped his fingers through mine before he let me tug him to his feet. I misjudged the distance and found him entirely too close for me to function. With his hand still in mine, our chests were lightly touching, and his breath fanned down over my head and shoulders. I'd taken my jacket off when I arrived, so my skin was too exposed and enjoying his close proximity far too much.

His finger was then under my chin, tilting my head up to look at him. His cool skin caused a million more goose bumps to spread across the surface of mine, but he was too far gone to notice. Or maybe he didn't care. His eyes were glazed over but focused on my lips, and for the second time in a day, when he bent to kiss me, I turned my head away.

He put his arm over my shoulder, to keep his balance, not because he wanted to touch me, and rested his forehead on my temple. We were basically going round in circles.

"Don't tease me if you're not going to follow through, Isabella."

I clutched his white shirt in my hand to keep me from collapsing as my knees buckled. Had I ever heard him use my whole name? I couldn't remember, but I definitely wasn't opposed to making an exception to my rule. If he was the only person in the world who called me my full name, I'd be perfectly happy.

"Ashamed to be seen with me?" He continued, his words mashing together. I shook my head almost immediately. If he was sober, it would be the other way around.

"No!" I quickly amended. His hand started drifting, causing my thought process to do the same.

"I think I want to go back out…" His words were slurred, as were they all, and I was guessing he could barely walk. Why was I helping him, again?

I grabbed him by his belt buckle, making both of our eyes to widen in surprise. My hand was so close…so very close. All I had to do was move my fingers…

His eyes were trained on my hand, as if he was waiting for me to do something. He was completely oblivious to where we were and who was around us.

"Bella…"

Oh. My. God. He just moaned my name. This had to be what dreams were made of.

"Have you forgotten where we are, Edward?"

His head whipped up at my question, the movement proving too much for him because he swayed on the spot. I held him tighter, for safety reasons, of course. "Didn't you think that maybe I don't like to share my toys?" Ha, where the hell had this Bella come from?

"Fuck…"

My mouth watered as Edward swore. Maybe he was wondering the same thing.

He seemed to realize just how wasted he was, as he wound his right arm around the back of my shoulders and leaned some of his weight onto me. Not too much, but enough that the whole side of my body was touching his. I grabbed his right hand in mine, intertwining our fingers at my shoulder and started walking slowly towards the foyer.

Between us, Alice and I managed to steer Edward down barely lit paths, nearly ending up over the hill the hotel sat on, on more than one occasion. We could have asked for a golf cart, or something equally as ridiculous, to drive him to his door, but when you're drunk yourself, the hardest option is always the one you choose.

Alice walked ahead of us, digging around in her bag to find the keys to their bungalow. She had only panicked momentarily when we realized Edward didn't have his set on him.

Our pace slowed as I had to contend with Edward's weight on my own. I wound my left arm around his back, hoping it would help secure us if he stumbled again. I could feel his heat radiating through his thin shirt, and I tried desperately not to think of the rippling muscles of his back. I tried, but I wasn't exactly successful.

He turned his head as we neared the now open door, pressing his nose to the top of my head and inhaling. I was so close to resembling a puddle of goo, that I wondered how I was managing to support us both.

"I really want to kiss you, Bella."

My heart spluttered and raced, causing me to choke in my breath.

"No, you don't. That's just the alcohol." Why did I care if it was just the alcohol? It would still give me an opportunity to kiss him. He stopped dead on the path, but his hand didn't let go of mine, so I found myself spun on the spot to face him.

"I might be drunk, Bella, but I don't lie."

I gulped; I really wanted him to kiss me. More than that, though, I really wanted _him_ to want to kiss me.

He gave a gentle tug to our connected hands, his eyes flitting over my face. I had to take a step closer to him to keep from falling flat on my face, but I couldn't look at him. Don't judge me. If you were standing in front of the hottest bachelor on the planet, without a single scrap of experience, you would be nervous, too.

"Look at me, Bella."

I shook my head, encasing my bottom lip between my teeth. He sighed gently, and I found it difficult to equate this new Edward with the aggressive one from lunch. Could it really still be the same day? I had no idea if it was after midnight or not. But I was guessing it was. Edward wouldn't have come home before midnight. That would be like an early night to him.

"Why are you scared of me?" He actually sounded hurt when he asked me, and that alone made me look up at him.

I was instantly caught in his gaze, sparkling in the moonlight filtering through the trees, but so deep that I found myself lost in it.

Again.

Whether it was his beseeching gaze or the alcohol in my system, I opened my mouth and told him the truth.

But there was something wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it, and it was slowly beginning to eat away at me. What was wrong with his eyes? Maybe he was coming down with something. That was it; he must have been fighting off a cold or something. When you don't know what else to think, you settle on the theory that makes the most sense.

"I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of what you do to me," I answered in a whisper.

The corner of his mouth picked up, but somehow this smirk was different. He wasn't being cocky, it just seemed like he was too tired to smile completely.

"Now you know how I feel."

I gulped again, sure that my eyes were as wide as saucers. Someone seriously had to be filming this. That was it, I was being punk'd, wasn't I?

"Edward…" What? What the hell do you say in that kind of situation?

"Bella…" Nothing, nothing at all. I was just going to enjoy it for however long it lasted.

The alcohol on his breath was heady as he dipped his head slowly towards me. There was an undercurrent of something else too, but I couldn't recognize it. I don't know why I was bothering when he was so close. Why was I thinking about anything other than the fact that he was about to kiss me?

He stopped, barely an inch from my lips. I might have pouted, wondering what he was doing, when he inhaled deeply again. I could feel his hands shaking from their places on my arms - was he really that nervous? No way, Edward Cullen couldn't get nervous, not to that extent.

Something was wrong, but I pushed it to the back of my mind as he inched through the last bit of space between us. Oh my God, Edward Cullen was really going to kiss me.

"_To kiss and tell, it's just not my style,_

_But the night is young, and it's been a while._

_And she broke my heart, broke it right in two_

_And it took some time, but I'm feeling like I'm_

_Finally ready to, find, find somebody new._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**:O:O A cliffie! *Hides under something bullet proof***

**Who knows what happens next? :P**

**Song without Googling it? The only insight into how E is feeling...EVER... :O**

**Everyone following me on twitter = LiveInDakota , gets a teaser of each chapter and random ramblings :)**

**x**


	9. Spending The Night

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**So...I left you with a bit of a cliffie, huh? Lol...I may or may not leave you with another one...**

**Onwards!**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter :P I know there's not a lot of you :P**

**Usual disclaimers still apply :P**

* * *

**Chapter 9: Spending the Night**

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I was about to be kissed. In fact, I was about to be kissed by Edward Cullen. Shit, I was seriously underprepared for this moment and God, I wanted it so badly it was embarrassing.

His breath, almost caressed me, touching my lips first. I sucked in a ragged breath, all uniquely Edward. With my eyes firmly closed, my senses on overdrive from his close proximity, his lips barely even whispered across mine. I whimpered; it wasn't nearly enough, despite how sweet it was.

"Guys! You out there? What's going on?" Alice's voice interrupted us from the bungalow.

_You have got to be freaking kidding me right now._

Edward growled lowly, the sound resonating from his chest as he straightened himself out. Over the rushing wetness it created _down there_, I was somewhat smug to know he was as pissed as I was at the interruption. Alice was seriously beginning to annoy me tonight.

"Yeah, Edward needed to stop for a bit. We're fine!" I answered.

_Please, please go away._

"Oh, okay. I'm not feeling too well, so I'm just going to lie down for a bit. You guys okay on your own?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Edward beat me to it. "Yes, Alice. Perfectly okay."

I gulped again. He turned back to me, his eyes hazy and unfocussed. "Maybe we should go inside?"

I nodded, but it was apparent that the anticipation from minutes ago had been replaced. I was beginning to feel concerned about him.

The shaking in his hands had travelled to most of his body, and it took me twice the effort to get him into his bungalow and sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached for me, but I dodged his trembling grasp to shut the door and check on Alice. She was out cold in one of the double bedrooms off the lounge. It was a good thing I came to help her after all.

When I returned to Edward, he had kicked off his shoes and was curled up in the middle of his massive, king size bed. Even from the doorway I could see his frame trembling, and I watched as he clutched his arms around him more tightly. How could someone become that ill in a matter of hours?

"Edward?" No answer. "Edward, what's wrong?" The mattress dipped slightly as I sat on the edge. His eyes found me, but it was almost as if he wasn't really seeing. Just when I thought he was going to answer me, he squeezed his eyes shut and tucked his chin to his chest.

Not only was I not getting my kiss, but he had completely shut down communication, too. Great.

I loosened the covers from the bed and fanned them across his form, but something in my alcohol addled brain told me he was probably far from comfortable. So what did I do? Like an idiot, I decided it would be wiser to rid him of his clothes. Sometimes I could be incredibly stupid.

I turned the covers back again, and with some coaxing I managed to get Edward to relax. He rested his head back on the mountain of pillows, throwing his arm over his eyes to shield them from some imaginary light source.

With a deep breath, my trembling fingers found their way to the topmost button on his white shirt. I kept shooting glances to his eyes, making sure he wasn't going to flip out on me, or wasn't watching me fail in trying to keep my eyes off him. When I finally managed to release the button from its confines, my shaking increased. I had never undressed a man before. Well, I guess that much was obvious by now.

I was so concentrated on my task that by the time I got to the fourth button down, I hadn't realised that Edward _was_ in fact watching me. When I say concentrated, I really mean distracted. His defined chest and abs were right there, close enough for me to touch, causing my heart to beat faster and my mouth to dry up. His pale skin made him look ill in the waning light, but it suited him. I shuddered to think of him fake, tanned and shiny.

Despite his dark colour, the hair across his chest was barely noticeable, but God did I notice it when it turned into his "happy trail." Now I know why it was called such. My mouth was salivating just at the thought of it as I unbuttoned yet another button.

I only had two to go when Edward's hand encased mine, causing me to gasp in surprise. The anticipation built back up inside of me when I hesitantly looked up at him through my lashes.

"Bella?" He sounded surprised, like he honestly had no idea I was even there. It would have stung had I not seen the hunger in his eyes too. He did want me - that much was obvious - but even inebriated I knew I was just another girl to help satiate his lust. It wouldn't mean anything, and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't know if I ever would be.

"You need to sleep, Edward. Let me get you out of these clothes." I thought for sure he'd try and ensnare me, argue with me, snap at me, but he did none of the above. After a moment's hesitation he nodded his head and I swear he even smiled at me.

With renewed confidence I made quick work of his buttons and felt glad when he sat up so I could push the shirt from his shoulders. Oh God, his shoulders; works of art in themselves. My fingertips brushed across his clammy skin, and I felt his eyes on me. With him sitting upright, he was, once again, exceptionally close to me. I could feel his breath across my breastbone as he sighed lightly, but I tried to ignore it.

_He's not well._

Not knowing how much that one shirt cost, I folded it and placed it on the chair in the corner of the room. Edward watched me in amusement, but I think he was too tired to even speak.

I tried desperately to calm my racing heartbeat when I undid his belt buckle. I also tried to avert my eyes when I unbuttoned his fly - was there anything sexier than a button fly? I tried, I promise I tried, but when he groaned as my hands touched the hot flesh of his abdomen, and his – you know – twitched, I gasped and stared.

I had never seen one before. Hell, I didn't even know what to call it in _my own head_. I was so out of my depth it was pathetic. I stopped to take a deep breath, my eyes catching his. I was well aware that I my descent had brought me level with his hips, and so was he – _very_ aware. Even out of the corner of my eye I noticed just how _aware_ he was becoming.

"Edward I -" I what? Why was my voice so breathy all of a sudden? Why was he having such an effect on me when I was terrified of what could possibly happen?

"I know…" His soft voice brought a smile to my face without me even realizing it. He smiled back. Faintly, but it still counted. "It's you, Bella. You can't expect nothing. You do this to me every time you look at me." My jaw fell slack. There was no denying he was telling the truth. Even through the haze I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I just couldn't find it in me to believe it. He seemed to notice the disbelief on my face. "I don't lie, Bella." I was momentarily taken aback by the severity of his tone and was only able to nod my head in response. I was highly disappointed that he'd switched back to asshole Edward so quickly.

Both thankful and exceptionally disappointed that he had boxers underneath his trousers, I shimmied the latter off him. I folded them too, taking his wallet and phone from his pockets and placing them on the bedside table. When I turned back from the chair, Edward's eyes were on me again, confused.

"What?" I don't know why I whispered, but he seemed appreciative of it. Maybe he had a sore head, too.

"You didn't even look at it." He nodded his head in the direction of his phone, which I only now noticed was blinking with either a missed call or message. Why would I look at it? Why did he think I would look at it? I chalked it up to another one of the mysteries behind Edward Cullen.

"Of course I didn't. It's not mine." He stared at me, barely even blinking, and I grew antsy under his gaze. I decided to change the subject. "Are you feeling better?" He shook his head, grimacing as if I had only just reminded him he wasn't well.

I tucked him in, hoping to keep him warm. I touched his forehead with the back of my hand, checking for a fever and finding him worryingly hot and sticky. I didn't know what to do, so I filled a glass with water in the bathroom, found some painkillers, and left them out beside his phone.

I thought he had fallen asleep, but when I turned to leave, his hand grabbed mine and pulled me back to look at him.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, Edward." He shook his head almost immediately, and my heart rate picked up again.

"Stay? I don't want you going home alone." I was so touched by his sweetness that I was nodding my assent without even knowing it.

I brushed the hair back from his forehead and bent to kiss the top of his head, completely on instinct. He sighed beneath me and seemed to relax further into the bed.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Buonanotte, la mia bellezza."

Surely I heard him wrong? There was no way, when he was barely conscious, he would call me _his_ in another freaking language. Never mind the fact that he actually complimented me, without also insulting me in the process. Who's life was this that I was suddenly living? Things like this didn't ever happen to me. Whether I had the dream job or not.

I left him somewhat peacefully and decided to make a bed for myself on the inviting looking couch. But when it came down to it, I only managed to kick off my heels and de-pin my hair before I was out like a light.

**~BtG~**

"Bella?" My name was whispered reverently. I'd never heard it spoken that way before. No one had ever cared enough to speak it that way before. Did that mean he cared? Was he capable of caring? Of loving? I wasn't so sure, but some of the things he did made it seem like the most obvious thing in the world.

"Open your eyes, beautiful." I shook my head with a small smile on my face and heard him chuckle lowly. "I want you to look at me when I make you come, Bella." I snapped my eyes open in surprise.

Why would I be…oh…as if working in sync, the second I opened my eyes, I felt the tightening coil low in my stomach. I felt how slick I was _down there_, and lastly, for some insane reason, I felt his large hand _right there_.

His fingers were inside of me, and I was nearly angry for him doing it without my consent, but it felt too good. I hadn't known pleasure like this before. His dark forest-green eyes bore into mine, and he smirked when I moaned.

"Edward…" He leaned over me, using his other arm to keep his weight from crushing me. His head hovered above me for only a moment before I grabbed him by the hair and yanked his lips forcefully to mine. I groaned again; the taste, heat and softness of his mouth proving too much for me.

He pushed his tongue past my lips, dominating our kiss, taking the control in our situation. I was only too happy to oblige. He knew what he was doing after all.

As his mouth devoured mine, I could feel his hand, his fingers, working me faster, and I was soon hurtling towards the edge of a cliff. Is this what it felt like? I'd never had the nerve to try it on myself, thinking I'd probably do it wrong, but God, Edward knew exactly what he was doing to me.

Just as I neared the edge of that cliff he pulled back, smirking down at me. I was about to throw myself out into the abyss when he winked at me and disappeared.

A freaking apparition. Seriously? I was letting him get me off in a dream!

I opened my eyes, panting, sweat building on my forehead and arms. I was surrounded by eerie darkness, and I felt the tears of mortification prick at my eyes as I tried to battle my pounding heartbeat.

I didn't really understand why I was so embarrassed. It wasn't like someone had caught me. I just thought I had my emotions under more control than that, but I guess I couldn't control what my subconscious wanted to dream about. And it had felt good. I really had been that close…and that was without him even touching me. I was so screwed.

I padded softly to the main bathroom, my breathing finally regulating. I made sure to stay quiet as I turned on the tap and dampened a cloth to dab at my face. I was flushed, my eyes were wide and alert, and my hair was a complete haystack. I actually looked like I'd been thoroughly sexed up. Oh, how I wish that were the case.

A crash from somewhere in the bungalow made me jump, and my heart lodged itself in my throat. What if someone was breaking in? This wasn't even my bungalow, I had no freaking clue what to do in that sort of situation, especially when it's two inhabitants were knocked out with copious amounts of alcohol.

I was contemplating running to the phone when I heard Edward's voice. Only, it didn't sound like his normal voice. He was mumbling as I neared his room, before I heard the distinct sounds of someone thrashing in bed.

Was he having a nightmare? I stepped into the room just as he growled, low and feral into his pillow. He was really angry. Weren't nightmares supposed to make you scared?

"No!" I flinched back into the wall, surprised by his outburst. "No, no, no, no…" His fist clenched the sheet at his hip as he pressed his head further into his pillow. Oh God, I couldn't watch this. My heart was hammering in my chest, but there was a dull ache there too. He was in pain, and even if it wasn't physical, I had to help him.

Every time I took a step, his outbursts had me halted in my tracks.

"No, you can't!"

"It can't hurt me!"

"Stop!" The last one felt like it lasted for minutes, dragged out in the silence, pronouncing his pain. I wanted to kill whoever was doing this to him.

"Edward?" I don't know why I expected an answer, he was freaking sleeping.

I crawled onto the bed, sitting close to his rigid form. I relaxed as his shouts turned back into mumbling, and I found myself hoping he wasn't going to scream with me so close.

I placed my hand on top of his, uncurling his fisted fingers from the sheet and smoothing them out between my two hands. His mumbling stopped almost immediately as I rubbed circles into his palm and the base of each of his fingers. It had been done to me during one of my many compulsory spa visits over the years and I always found it helped to ease the tension in my body.

Putting his hand back on the bed, I felt empty, no longer touching him. I lifted my left hand and used the very tips of my fingers to brush away the hair that had fallen back down onto his forehead. I let them linger, watching as the creases above his eyes disappeared as he relaxed even more. I cupped his strong jaw in my slight hand, lightly tracing my thumb through his appearing stubble.

"Shh. It was just a dream."

I had no idea if he would even realize he had company, but it was worth a shot.

I sat there for what felt like hours, always making sure a part of us was touching, happy that some sort of comfort seemed to help him.

When my eyes became too heavy I didn't think twice about lying down next to him, my fingers woven through his. It didn't seem too intimate, seeing as he had no idea it was even occurring. As long as I awoke before him and made my way back to the sofa, all would be fine.

This is me, though. Things never work out the way they're supposed to.

**~BTG~**

I must have gotten too warm sometime in the night and shimmied out of my jeans, leaving them on the floor by the bed, leaving me in a thin vest and underwear. With Edward lying next to me in his boxers. I can't say I blame him for jumping to conclusions when he awoke. Because, of course, once I had gotten comfy, I had found I was too tired to wake before him and move back to the living room. Who would have seen that coming?

I stretched out, momentarily confused as to why my bed was so comfortable and bathed in so much light. The sun didn't shine through my bedroom window in the morning; I was on the wrong side of the building for that.

My arm brushed across a warm patch of the bedding and I rolled over, Edward's scent filling my nose as I breathed in. I bolted upright, panicking, my heart in my throat. He had woken up before me, he had seen me in his bed, and _left_.

I took a look around the room, noticing its warm and light colours, the beautifully and masterfully crafted furniture, and dreamily admiring the bed I was lying in. A dark wooded, four-posted masterpiece. It had to be at least a queen size, but knowing I had been that close to Edward Cullen all night made my heart race and my skin heat.

I flipped back over, throwing the covers back and reaching for my crumpled jeans. They weren't my comfiest pair, but they did make my legs looks good. It took me far too much effort to struggle into them bleary-eyed, and I had to flop back onto the bed to catch my breath.

My ears picked up a sound from somewhere in the bungalow and with a little more listening I realized it was someone in the kitchen. Then I could hear a coffee pot.

Coffee. God, I need some coffee.

I noticed almost immediately that my phone was no longer in my front pocket. My eyes scanned the floor by my side of the bed before I looked up and found it sitting innocently on the bedside table. My brow furrowed in confusion.

It was being used as a paperweight. It's flashing telling me I had some sort of missed message, but I ignored it, too confused by the envelope it was sitting atop. It looked like it had been placed there deliberately, almost as if my attention was supposed to be drawn to the envelope. But I knew for a fact that it wasn't originally mine.

Curiosity got the better of me and I picked it up, letting my phone slide onto the dark wood of the cabinet. It hadn't been sealed and I almost dropped it in shock when I noticed its contents.

It was full of money. With a quick scan through it I realized that it was nearly a thousand dollars in cash.

I was too shocked to think of anything other than the fact that I'd never held such a large amount of money before, but my brain soon caught up. Why was I holding an envelope of cash? It had obviously been left by Edward, as he was the only one who had been in here, as far as I knew.

It's not like he owed me money. I tried to think if I'd bet him anything, if we'd had some sort of wager, but I knew we weren't nearly close enough for that. No, the only other reason would be that he was paying me. But why would Edward Cullen be paying me?

Unless…

"_Just don't give up, I am working it out._

_Please don't give in, I won't let you down._

_It messed me up, need a second to breathe_

_Just keep coming around…" _

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling it? :P**

**How much do y'all hate me? :O**

**What has E gone and done now?**

**Leave me a wee review please, that number's still pretty low :P**

**Follow me on twitter at LiveInDakota or on my blog at www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com for teasers and goss :)**

**See you next week :)**

**xx**


	10. Services Rendered

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**I can only apologise for the delay in this chapter, but y'all will be happy to know I finally have a permanent beta, and your wait should never be this long again :)**

**I realise fanfic is an escape from RL, but let us all keep Japan and the Pacific in our thoughts over the next few crucial days. Thank you.**

**Onwards...I hope you enjoy this little peak into our Doucheward :O**

**Usual disclaimer applies.**

**xx**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Services Rendered**

My hands were visibly shaking as I threw the envelope back on the table and snatched my phone from the shiny surface.

How could he? Why would he even think like that?

Apart from the anger and humiliation running through my system, I was also shocked. He thought we had slept together. Forget the fact that he was trying to pay me like some common whore; he actually thought we had slept together. Didn't he remember his conquests _at all_?

Maybe he suffered from short term memory loss; because he _had_ forgotten a hell of a lot since I'd met him.

I stood from the bed, shoved my phone in my pocket, picked up the envelope and marched –yes, marched– out of the room. I saw my shoes and hair pins in the living room where I had left them, but bypassed them in my anger, intent on getting to Edward.

I stopped abruptly two feet from the stools at the kitchen island. I was literally frozen in my tracks by Edward. He had his back to me as he bent over a chopping board, his concentration solely on whatever he was doing.

Each time the knife moved in his hands or he moved the board with a quick flick of his wrist, the muscles in the shoulders I had admired the night before, rippled sinuously. Had I mentioned he was shirtless? Oh yeah, he was shirtless - just like he had been in bed last night.

Every ounce of anger I had been feeling evaporated as I watched his smooth skin contract over hard muscles with such a simple job. I was mesmerised and just a tiny bit smug that I had spent the night in his bed.

That thought opened the floodgates on the anger. He had paid me to be in his bed last night.

I threw the envelope onto the island between us, waiting for him to acknowledge my presence. The sound seemed to echo throughout the space; there was that much damned money in it.

His back stiffened as he put the knife down. I tried not to ogle the muscles in his shoulders and averted my eyes as he finally turned around.

"Bella?" His confused tone confused me, causing me to look back to him. He seemed to realize his mistake in using a tone other than one of contempt; because his face masked into a sneer. "Alice is still asleep if you're here for her."

My eyes narrowed in disbelief. He was honestly going to act like he hadn't just paid me for services rendered?

"Here for Alice? Are you fucking kidding me right now?" His eyes widened in surprise as he rested his hips back against the counter behind him. "What the fuck is this?" I pointed to the thick envelope and waited while he slowly turned his attention to it. I could pinpoint the moment he became angry.

"Why do you have that? Why the fuck have you been in my room?"

_Wait, what? _Was his memory so bad that he couldn't remember thirty damn minutes ago?

"Why are you angry at me? You left it in there! On top of _my_ phone, beside _me_. I can't believe you." I was visibly shaking, and I was sure he could see it.

"What? You spent the night here?"

It seemed he was a bit slow in the mornings.

"I was the one in your bed, Edward! You left that money for me! Why?" I tried to stay angry, but my voice cracked at the end, and my eyes hit the floor in shame and embarrassment.

"I didn't fucking recognize you, okay! Fucking hell! I thought you were just some girl, the usual whore."

I tried to believe that he didn't mean it the way it sounded, but it still slashed straight across my chest. I felt winded. He thought of me the exact way I thought of my mother._ That_ was how he saw me.

"The usual whore," I muttered, more to myself than anyone.

"Bella, you know that's not what I meant." His voice was hard, but there were softer tones floating around the edges. It wasn't all ice. At least that was what my imagination was telling me.

"No? It wouldn't be the first time, Edward."

"Fuck, you know what? Forget it. If anything, it should have been the other way around." He lifted his hand from the counter at his hip and pinched the bridge of his nose. Now I was the one being slow. I had no idea what he meant. Typical for me, I let my dumbness show.

"Huh?"

"The money. You should have been paying _me_."

I stepped back, not quite believing he could be so cruel. I felt as if a bucket of ice-cold water had been unceremoniously dropped on me as I started quivering. This time it was a culmination of anger and pure humiliation.

"Not that you even deserve my time at the moment, but I came here last night to help! Alice had almost as much to drink as you, but she was worried about you. Let me ask you one thing, Casanova; can you even fucking remember where you were last night? Or how about how you got back here? Or maybe, who helped you get from the bar to your bed?"

The slight falter in his facial expression was all I needed.

"No, I didn't think so. You are so messed up that it's gone beyond funny. You make me sick. Don't _ever_ talk to me like that again, Edward. And trust me, this is the last time I try to fucking help, okay?"

I turned on my bare heel, wondering how I had managed to keep my voice so eerily calm. Maybe it was from years of hearing my mom do the same thing. You know the way parents can shout at you without actually raising their voices? Yeah, exactly like that.

"Aw, come on, Bella. I might not remember much, but it couldn't have been that bad! Maybe you could refresh my memory…" His voice followed me into the living area, where I grabbed my heels with trembling hands and headed for the door.

Why wasn't I setting him straight? He honestly thought we had slept together.

I turned back to find him watching me, apprehension only faintly hidden in his eyes. "You make me sick, remember? Don't come near me – ever."

I opened the door and stepped out into the California heat. The second the door was closed behind me, the tears started again. How could I have let myself believe that we were getting somewhere the night before? How could I have tricked myself into thinking that drunk Edward was someone to put my faith in?

Despite my trembling form, however, I was proud of myself. I had just stuck up for myself. He may have still been smug, but I hadn't let him walk all over me like our previous meetings. I was learning. I was growing.

A hysterical laugh bubbled out of me as the tears continued. I hadn't moved from their doorstep, and as I raked in a shuddering breath, I heard an almighty crash from inside the bungalow. I jumped at the sound before hastily moving away, but Edward's cursing followed me down the shaded path.

What had he smashed? Why was he so angry? Had he heard me laughing? Had he known I was still standing there, shaking like a leaf?

Why was he always so cruel when he was sober? He hadn't even seemed hungover. I mean, his eyes were still misty, but they were better than the night before, and that was common for someone who had been so drunk, right?

I barely felt the harsh gravel on the soft soles of my feet when I reached the front of the hotel, too focused on getting as far away as possible. I was frantically trying to rid myself of the steady stream of tears when I felt a large hand on my elbow.

I gasped as it yanked me to a standstill before letting me go.

"Miss Swan?" I couldn't place the voice, but when I turned around I wished it was anyone else.

Jacob Black looked at me with a mix of concern and accusation in his eyes. I hadn't even realized until then that the state I was in screamed "walk of shame." My face flamed, and I looked around desperately, only slightly relieved that there was only a valet and bellboy in the area.

"Are you okay?"

Fuck, how did I answer that? Somehow, the lie came easily. "I just got some upsetting news." I waved my phone between us. "I need to get back to my hotel." I had no idea how to get back; it was hardly like there were taxis just sitting around waiting on guests. This place was far too exclusive for that.

"Maybe putting your shoes on would help?" He smirked, but it wasn't cocky or conceited. He was trying to lighten the mood, and I was beyond thankful.

"Oh no, trust me, I'm better off without them." We both chuckled as I waved my heels around in the space between us. I had been trying to look decent for Edward when I had pulled my clothes on. They hadn't been high-end fashion, but the fact that I had slipped some heels on with my jeans, instead of my Converse, said a lot.

"I'm heading out. Do you want a lift?" His eyes darted behind me, and I followed his gaze. The valet from last night was slipping out of a slate grey Vanquish; and my eyes widened. That was a nice car. If I had been previously unsure–because it was Jacob–his car had sealed the deal.

"I'd love one. Thank you." He smiled easily and waved me to the passenger door before opening it for me.

I slid in, careful not to touch anything that wasn't necessary. I must have been too obvious because Jacob chuckled before shutting the door after me. I watched him walk confidently around the front of the car and couldn't help but compare him to Jasper and Edward.

According to Alice his job didn't exactly speak volumes for his personality, and coupled with his confidence and looks, it was obvious he was pretty cocky himself. He had nothing on Edward though.

Jasper had seemed pretty laid-back, just enjoying life and living as quietly as possible. Sure, he was still featured heavily in the tabloids, but from a reader's perspective, he was never actually doing anything to get the attention. Usually it was him sitting courtside at a basketball game with some friends or out having dinner with his sister.

You wouldn't find Jasper falling out of a club with a girl on each arm or doing shots off a supermodel in the back room, or trying to get into the driver's side of his car when he was clearly close to passing out.

Jasper was almost a model citizen compared to his best friend, and I wondered where Jacob fit in this world. Maybe he was more like me, floating along the outside but doing pretty damn well for himself at the same time. Or maybe I was just trying to find similarities in us to justify the attention he gave me.

His eyes continually darted to my face as he drove, as if he wanted to ask me something but wasn't sure how to. He had seemed to want to charm me last night, so did all that mean he was interested? Did all that mean I wanted him to be interested?

"So, where am I taking you?" Jacob's voice broke through the silence, but I was one hundred percent sure that wasn't what he was going to ask me.

"Sunset Tower."

He looked momentarily taken aback by my answer.

"What?"

"How did you get a room at Sunset Tower? Has it been booked for months or something?"

I furrowed my brow; I hadn't realized it was that sought after. Our trip here had been slightly out of the blue, so Renee couldn't have booked it in advance.

"No, we only booked our flights out here last week. My manager booked the suite at the same time."

"She must have pulled all the right strings. It might not be out of the way like Marmont but it's only got seventy-five rooms."

That surprised me too. I hadn't ever really paid any attention to how big the place was. Overall, though, I didn't want to think about what kind of strings my mother was capable of pulling. I suppressed a shiver as Jacob pulled away from a stop light.

I sat back in my seat, relaxed by the cool leather on my skin and the barely there sound of the car moving along. It really was a sexy car; now, I just had to decide whether it was the car making Jacob look sexy or if he actually _was_. If I could have managed to disengage my thoughts from Edward for five minutes, I might have been able to make up my mind.

Edward was a grade-A asshole, treated all those around him with the least amount of respect and thought he was God's gift to the world. Yet I was still ridiculously attracted to him. Not just physically–because yes, he was unworldly gorgeous–but I was drawn to his very presence, as if some clichéd string pulled me closer to him whenever we were near one another.

I yearned for some sort of recognition from him – something to show me I wasn't going mad and that he could feel it too. I wanted to remain naïve, to continue to think that he was just having a bad week and he'd snap out of it. I wanted to believe that he was attracted to me too. I just wanted _him._ God, did I ever.

"What's with the scowl?" Jacob's question jolted me out of my musing, and I turned to him with a practiced smile.

"I don't think my manager will be too pleased I stayed out all night. I'm hoping she's not in when we get there." I shrugged as Jacob's smirk grew wider.

"You and Edward got some sort of _arrangement?_" It didn't escape my notice that he practically spat his final word.

"Arrangement? You think I'm sleeping with Edward Cullen? What kind of girl do you think I am?" Yes, I was completely aware that contradicted everything I had just been thinking.

"Well, doesn't every girl? He manages to screw whoever he wants. I don't think he even realizes some of the women he's had."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's probably totally oblivious that he was the cause of more than one high profile divorce when he was living it up in New York. He's either a fantastic actor or he genuinely doesn't care."

My stomach dropped, and I felt the bile rising in my throat. His list of activities was growing by the day, and I was wishing more and more that I knew none of it.

"Divorces?"

"I mean, obviously it's not all his fault. Supermodels aren't the smartest of girls or the ones he sleeps with at least. I guess their husbands weren't particularly keen on competing with the 'Edward Cullen experience.'"

I forced out a short laugh, desperate to hide the way my breathing had become shallow. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate. I knew he had problems, that he was different, but I don't want to hear about it. In my naïve mind, I want him to stay on his pedestal, where he is simply beautiful and talented.

The more Jacob spoke, the more my fantasy fell away. What kind of girl did it make me if I still wanted to know Edward, still wanted his attention and thrived when I got it?

I felt sick as Jacob pulled up outside my hotel. Maybe I am more like my mother than I realize. I now know exactly what Edward is like, and yet, I still want him, more than I have wanted anything else.

I steadied my breathing, fighting the queasiness that had flooded over me.

"Hey, uh…can I ask you something?"

I swivelled my head around at the intrusion into the silence. Why hadn't I gotten out of his car? We hadn't exactly spoken much, but it seemed out of sorts for Jacob to be nervous. That, in turn, made the queasiness increase. I wasn't sure I was going to like where this was going.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose."

He laughed at my less than eloquent answer. "I know you're new in town and everything. Do you maybe want to grab a drink sometime?"

Oh God, was he asking me out?

"I'm underage…" Fuck, what kind of answer was that? It was glaringly obvious I was neither used to nor good at these situations. Thankfully he only chuckled warmly.

"Okay, uh, how about I take you out for dinner then? Fill you in on all the gossip. Teach you the ways of the Angelenos."

"Huh?"

"You're in Los Angeles now, Bella. We do things differently here…especially when you're part of the elite group." He smirked at me, but I couldn't find it in me to care that it actually annoyed me. Unlike Edward, his smirk wasn't sexily cocky, it was just cocky.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Call me sometime." I blindly reached for the handle, in a daze that I had actually just agreed to go on a date.

He called a goodbye after me and was peeled away from the hotel before I had even stepped away from the door. He must have been in a rush.

I wandered my way through the hotel lobby, reaching the elevator and stepping in without looking around me. For the second day in a row, I completely missed the young blonde guy watching me a little too closely and the fact that he had his phone pointed straight at me.

I had just agreed to go on a date with a guy Alice may or may not have warned me off of the night before. A guy I barely knew anything about, except the less than glowing review Alice, again, had given me last night.

I hadn't even been in L.A. a week, and I already had a date, the closest thing to a best friend I'd ever had, a new job and someone I was pretty sure hated me with a passion.

I smirked to myself in the mirrored glass of the elevator. I was chanting '_there's a fine line between love and hate_' in my head. What was I, five?

When I reached my room, I blew a breath out in relief. Renee wasn't back yet. I threw my key card on the side table and padded my way through to my bedroom.

With a flick of a switch, the blinds lowered, and my room got darker and darker. I didn't bother seeing to my raw feet, only falling onto the top of my bed and rolling myself in the duvet. I had a few hours before I needed to be back at the studio, and I wanted to spend them in oblivion.

I set the alarm, rolled over and fell into a shallow nap. I was no longer surprised when Edward's face swam behind my eyelids. What did surprise me was the pain I saw in his stance and his eyes as he reached for me.

He had never reached for me before. He had always been aloof. He would never need me, but in that moment, he did. However, just when my hand made contact he morphed into Jacob, and the contact was no longer comfortable. His gaze was fierce and angry, and I awoke in a sweat when his too large, too warm hand clamped over my mouth.

That was weird.

"_Walking out the door this morning,_

_Wondering what it is that's going on with you._

_Thinking of a way to say I'm sorry,_

_For something I'm not sure I do._

_So come on baby, let me in and show me what this really is, `cause,_

_Something must have made you say that,_

_What did I do to make you say that to me?_

_Something must have made you so mad,_

_What can I do to make you say come back to me?"_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Goolging it?**

**So, what do we think? Doucheward is becoming more complex by the day...no?**

**I have signed up to write for Fandomfightstunami, and I have decided that my one shot will be an EPOV from BtG! :O:O Once in a lifetime opportunity to read this folks! So head on over to their site www(dot)fandomfightstsunami(dot)blogspot(dot)com and get donating! :):)**

**As always, you can follow me on twitter for gossip and teasers under the same name, and check out my blog for even more fun stuff :) www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Xx**


	11. Signed In Blood

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**First of all, a MASSIVE thankyou to _AllyCat214 _for reviewing all of my chapters even though she didn't have to :):) And of course a big thank you to everyone else who read and reviewed the last chapter, some of you are finally becoming more vocal and less afraid of that review button ;P**

**So sorry to have kept you all waiting so long, but it turns out I no longer have a permanent beta for this fic, and I've had to start my hunt all over again :( I have no plans to give up on this fic, and I can only apologise for long waits between chapters, but be assured that the next chapter will always come! :P**

**I hope you enjoy this one...there's no Edward, Jake, or Jasper, but I promise it's good anyways :P**

**I disclaim.****

* * *

**

**Chapter 11 – Signed In Blood**

"Isabella!"

I was jolted out of one in a series of creepy dreams about the new men in my life by my mother's screeching. She clearly knew nothing about me if she hadn't learned that waking me up like that was the worst possible decision.

I groaned and rolled over, my eyes blearily taking in the time on my alarm clock. I still had plenty of time to get ready and down to the studios before my meeting with Felix. What the hell was she so angry about?

"You'd better be up when I come in there!" Her high pitched shrill sounded through the door not five seconds before she appeared in the doorway, silhouetted by bright light. Another bad move; now my eyes were straining against the unwanted intrusion, so of course, I looked like I was scowling at her.

"Don't you look at me like that! If it wasn't for me, you'd be late for a very important meeting. Now, get in the shower, and I'll leave out some suitable clothes for you. God knows you didn't have any…I had to go shopping this morning."

I didn't bother to ask how she'd managed to find a shop open so goddamned early and made a beeline for the bathroom. When I closed the door behind me, she was laying out an expensive-looking bag on the bed.

I took my time in the shower, letting my skin turn pink from the heat before I stepped back out. When I appeared back in my room, Renee was nowhere to be seen and I set about getting ready.

I blasted my hair with the blow dryer, letting the rest of it dry naturally. I cringed when I noticed she had even left out new lingerie for me, but I had to admit that they were both pretty and comfortable.

I sucked in a deep breath before looking at myself in the mirror, noticing that the dark blue of the bra and panties looked good against my pale skin. The bra somehow made my breasts look larger, and the boy shorts hugged my hips and ass really well. They made me feel sexy. I felt my eyes water as I really looked at myself. This was what mothers were supposed to do – make their daughters feel better about themselves.

However, there was no doubt in my mind that that had been the last thing on Renee's mind when she went shopping. I couldn't deny, though, that this was the first time I had looked at myself and actually felt confident. Could lingerie really do that for a girl?

I turned back to the bed, smiling gently at the dress lying over the edge of the mattress. It, too, was deep blue in colour, with a sweetheart neckline, and thin straps that sat directly on top of my bra. The body was sculpted and fitted before it hung in a short fitted skirt that hit me just above my knees. I slipped it on and zipped it up the side under my arm, loving the way it felt tight to my skin. There was nothing for me to suck in or try to hide, and it looked really good.

Twisting in the mirror, I noticed that my hair hung in loose waves down my back and rested on the top of my dress, counting as a sort of curtain that hid all the skin of my back. I might have felt sexy, but I was still hesitant in showing so much skin, especially when my legs were out.

I slipped my feet into the small-heeled sandals sitting by my bed and took in my completed look. I didn't really get why I had to dress so fancy just to sign a contract, but I remembered being a little girl and my mom's motto of always looking your best. _"You never know who you might meet or have to impress, Bella. If you look your best, you feel your best."_ She'd smile at me sweetly before kissing the top of my head and telling me I'd always be pretty. Usually my dad would rescue me and tell her to stop embarrassing me, before throwing a wink my way and telling me I would always be beautiful, not pretty.

I smiled sadly at my reflection, missing my dad more than I ever thought possible. I didn't even have a number for him anymore. Renee had told me before we moved to New York that he had moved house and she didn't have the number, effectively losing him. I had no address for him, he had no cell, and I no longer had any way of getting in touch with him.

She said I could just wait for him to phone us, to write a letter to us, and I was still waiting. Nearly two years had passed, and I had nothing. When I tried, I even found it difficult to remember what he looked like, bar his gentle eyes and the way his moustache would tickle every time he kissed me goodnight.

I blinked away my tears when I heard Renee coming down the hall towards my room. I watched her stop in the doorway via the mirror, and stayed quiet as she watched me apply some mascara and lip gloss. I don't know what made me say it, but the little girl in me wanted her to tell me I'd always be pretty.

"How do I look?" I was certain I saw a smile flit across her face, but I must have imagined it when I heard the answer that followed.

"Acceptable, of course. I knew it would look okay when I bought it." I couldn't act quick enough to keep my face from falling, and there was no doubt in me that she caught it. But she didn't smile at me reassuringly, or cross the room and pull me into a quick hug. She simply turned on her heel and told me we were leaving in five minutes.

I had no time for breakfast, and I was sure she knew that, but she didn't take us to a café or a Starbucks for coffee. We arrived at Volturi twenty minutes before my appointment with Felix, and my stomach rumbled loudly when I exited the taxi.

"I don't know why you insist on wasting your time in bed in the mornings, Isabella. You should have been up in plenty of time!"

I didn't bother correcting her. I wasn't telling her that I had, in fact, been up at six, and that I'd watched Edward Cullen make breakfast. I didn't tell her he'd paid me off like some whore, and I'd run out of there in tears. Or that someone may have seen me doing the walk of shame, and I'd had to lie to get out of it. That all that had already happened in my morning, and that I'd been asked out on a date by a completely different guy. A guy I was sure she'd approve of.

I took her put down and cold attitude and walked into Volturi behind her.

"Ah, Miss Higgins, Bella!" Heidi completely ignored my mother and focused her attention on me. I was sure she knew what she was doing, and I smiled secretly, knowing it would get my mom's back up. "I trust you've looked over your contract and are happy with it?"

"We are. It's very fair and…rewarding…" Renee answered. I rolled my eyes in Heidi's direction. Yeah, the pay was pretty spectacular.

"Great!" Heidi answered a little too enthusiastically. "Miss Higgins if you'd like to make yourself comfortable I'll be able to show you the amenities when I return. I'll just show Bella the way to our conference room."

I nearly laughed as Renee's eyebrows lifted into her hairline. Heidi was keeping us apart – again – but I wasn't sure if it was protocol or just because she was trying to be a friend.

"Why would I stay here?" Renee spat.

"Our contract is with Bella, not you. Bella is the only signature needed as she is of legal age, and because she is over eighteen, we have no need for you to supervise. Only minors are required to have their _parents_ present."

Renee's eyes widened at Heidi's choice of words. _We have no need for you_. Not to mention the fact that she made her well aware that they all knew she was more than just my manager.

She actually huffed as she turned her back on us and made her way across to the sitting area in the foyer. She grabbed a magazine and sat rim-rod straight under one of the many crystal chandeliers.

"Come on, Felix is waiting." Heidi pulled me in the opposite direction to the elevator and jabbed the button with her ring finger. I looked at her engagement ring wistfully, hoping against hope that I'd find that someday.

"Thanks for doing that, Heidi. Was it all a lie?"

She laughed lightly before answering. "Not all of it, no…" I smiled and squeezed her arm that I had mine linked through.

We stepped off on the third floor and Heidi led me to a glass room in the middle of the floor. A large mahogany table dominated the space, with black leather chairs surrounding its four sides. Felix stood up – ever the gentleman – when we entered and shook my hand with a gentle smile.

"I'll leave you two to it." Heidi squeezed my hand in encouragement before leaving the room quietly. I noticed Felix wink at her as she turned to shut the door behind her, and I smiled at the same blinding one overtaking his face. He was truly a man in love, and I found it refreshing - he wasn't hiding how head-over-heels he was.

"No Renee, Bella?" Felix asked as he sat down opposite me.

I laughed through my nose. "No, Heidi managed to rid me of her with some very pointed words."

Felix laughed loudly. "That's my girl."

I only smiled in response, my eyes now focused on the sheets of paper on the table between us.

"Don't look so worried. It's a lot of type, but you only need to sign one sheaf. Take your time and read over everything, I'll be here if you have any questions." I nodded and took the booklet he handed me.

It felt like hours as I sat there, drinking in all the information I could absorb. On signature, the Volturi would issue me with one of their own managers, who would look after all my publicity and decide on all the aspects that would affect them, too. My manager was named as Jared Ortega, who worked solely for Volturi and would be taking care of all the outside influences of my contract.

It stated that as my manager Jared would be entitled to a commission of seventeen percent. I had no idea what that number was like in comparison to other studios and asked Felix, certain that he would tell me the truth.

"The maximum commission a manager can take from you is twenty, but we have no intention of ever raising it from seventeen. So no matter what Jared may say, he is not entitled to more as long as he is working under our name. He can't take advantage of you, Bella, not while we're sitting behind him. He may want you to think he's in the driving seat, but he's not."

"You are?" I asked, my eyes lifting from the paper in front of me.

"No, Bella. You are. This is your career. You have every right to turn down any offer he brings your way. It's your choice how you decide to put yourself out there, and I have no doubt that you won't agree with some of Jared's suggestions. Never be afraid to tell him no, you understand me?"

Felix seemed incredibly adamant that I understand what he was saying, and I nodded immediately. It almost seemed as if he didn't particularly like Jared, and that he knew I wasn't going to either. He continued as I tried to rid myself of my heavy heart.

"His commission is completely different from your contract with us. As you are aware, you are being paid by us for being signed. The seven hundred thousand as stated in your contract comes through a maximum of two days after you sign. That's all you see for your music. The popularity and sales from your future album and records will go to us. You already know that this is a two year contract, so logistically that's enough time for you to release two albums, but there is no stipulation that _has_ to be the case. Don't feel pressured or backed into a corner here, Bella. We only want you to be happy and confident here. If two years is only enough time for you to release one album, then we will be okay with that.

"We have no doubt that your debut album will be a success, and we have high hopes that any material you spurn out will be successful. Now, I see you frowning, what's wrong?" He sat back in his chair, his fingers in a triangle in front of him.

"Well, I don't know much about this business, but seven hundred thousand for two years, and nothing on top of that seems like I'm being ripped off. I mean, don't artists get cuts depending on how well their music does? You're basically telling me that if it goes platinum in every country in the world, you'll rake in all the profits and I'll see none of it." I knew there was a frown on my face, but I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I became confused when he laughed heartily. "We're not ripping you off Bella. What do you think Jared is for?" I frowned even deeper. Felix sat forward, obviously picking up on the fact that I had missed something.

"Bella, your manager is there to publicise you. Every interview, every TV appearance, every performance is a paycheque. That's what his commission comes off. So trust me, he's going to want to make you lots of money. Because the more you make, the more he makes.

"Performances, especially on peak time chat shows or programmes, rake in a lot of money, Bella. The money paid out in this industry is becoming obscene, but of course you won't hear the artists complaining. Magazines will pay thousands for an exclusive. Major networks will pay more to have you appear on their shows. This is a highly lucrative business and like I said, you will be a success. Which means it will be _your_ lucrative business.

"Of course, performances, interviews and photo-shoots are further down the line for you, that's why the seven hundred thousand is yours just now. You won't be making a lot of money until the world knows who you are. Which is both Jared's job, and mine. We have to get you out there, Bella, and trust me when I say I am very excited about getting you out there." He smiled genuinely, but I couldn't scrape my jaw off the table.

"So, like, you get paid for everything?"

"If by you, you mean Bella Swan and not Volturi, then yes, Bella, you get paid for everything."

I smiled at the thought. I was never interested in music because of the possibility of a good wage from month to month, and that hadn't changed, but there was something about no longer having to worry about how you lived, and having the security of a healthy bank balance that put you at ease.

My smile fell. "How much do _I_ actually get, though?" I was merely wondering aloud, but Felix seemed confused. I was pretty sure Renee would use the money well, but it wasn't like I could just go out and buy a car or something, she'd have it all under control.

"Bella, we've just gone over that." I nearly laughed because the poor guy probably thought he was witnessing some sort of problem in me.

"No, I mean, after…wait…if Jared's my manager, what'll happen to my mom?" Something made Felix's eyes darken before he answered me. Was it anger?

"She'll still have some sort of creative freedom over you, but if down the line, you can't handle them both, you can choose. It's always your choice, Bella."

"Choose what?" My mouth dried up as I asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"You don't have to put up with her if you don't want to, Bella. A manager from us is more than enough."

No matter how appealing the thought, I couldn't do that to my own mother. "She'd have nothing," I answered, shaking my head. I decided to change the subject, knowing Felix wasn't happy with my answer. "So, it all goes into my mom's account? Do you have all her details?" Once again, Felix's eyebrow furrowed in confusion.

"You don't have your own account?"

I shook my head in answer, confused as to why Felix groaned in frustration.

"Can I ask you to set one up as soon as possible? You're of legal age, Bella, I don't get why your mom is still controlling everything." His tone was angry, and maybe because I was still hurting from this morning, it affected me more than it should. If I hadn't been teetering on the edge already, maybe I would have known he wasn't angry at _me._

"Because she's all I've got! She controls everything because she always knew what she was doing! I was only fifteen when we moved away! I let her do it all because I trusted her! She still does it because I have no idea what I'm doing!"

I didn't cry, but it didn't mean I didn't want to. My chin was trembling from the force of keeping both my anger and my tears at bay.

"Okay, Bella. I'm sorry. But if you want a lawyer to talk things over with, or even just me, you just say the word, okay? I don't profess to know everything, but I know my way around a legal clause or two." He winked at me to lighten the mood, and I smiled.

"You're a lawyer?"

"Yep, well…I studied to be one. I passed my bar and everything, I just decided to work for the family instead, but I can still use my mad skills here." He smiled widely, showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth, and I laughed as he nodded his own agreement. His smile slipped as he looked at me. "Can I ask you something?" I nodded, taking into account how truthful he'd been with me. "Has your mother always had everything put in her own account? Do you have access to it?"

"I don't know if I have access, I've never asked. She pays for everything and makes sure I have everything I need. It's not like I've ever been paid for something anyway. She took her share of my parents' life savings when we left my dad, that's what she uses." I shrugged. I had never really thought about it. It was just like being at home – she took care of the financial side of things and made sure I had everything at the same time. It was probably the only motherly thing she still did.

"You've never made any money off your music before?"

I shook my head, wondering why that was surprising. "I told you guys I had never had any experience before. No one was ever interested."

"Yes, but you also said that some of your songs had been picked up by other artists. You even mentioned that a few had been used in some pretty major films, Bella. I find it hard to believe you weren't paid for them." He leaned forward, keeping his gaze on mine. What was he getting at?

"Meaning?" I whispered.

"Nothing. Just, maybe take a look at that account if you can, Bella. If you go to the bank you can ask for a statement dating back as far as you want. I just want you to be careful. I know she's your mom, but I think we both know that somewhere along the line she lost that."

I nodded, not being able to speak. I knew he was right, I understood what he was implying and trying to tell me, but that didn't mean I wanted to believe it. That meant that on top of _everything_ else, she was stealing from her own daughter and lying to me about it in the process.

Felix looked at his watch before turning back to me with a smile. "How about we finish off this and head for some lunch? Don't worry about the rest for now, Bella. Today should be a good day."

With that, I buried my head back into the booklet and picked up where I left off. It took us almost another hour to go over all the other clauses and me asking some more questions before I was completely happy with everything.

My hand shook as I picked up Felix's silver plated pen, his own name engraved on the side. I had to take a deep breath before I could even put the pen on the paper, and Felix laughed at my antics. Instead of getting my back up, it relaxed me and allowed me to go through with it.

This was a life-changing moment, but while my name flowed from the tip of the pen, I couldn't help but be overshadowed by doubts and worries.

I hated that it had taken some steered words from Felix to get me to open my eyes to my mother's behaviour. I hated that it made me feel weak and naïve, that she had been able to fool me for so long. But more than that, I hated that I doubted it all, that I still wanted to find an excuse for it all. She was my mother; I didn't want to believe her capable of that because that would open doors to all sorts of other things I had missed.

I thought the things I hadn't missed – like the one night stands, the way she used unsuspecting guys half her age to get what she wanted, the way she subtly tried to get me to use myself to get ahead – were bad enough.

Stupidly, I had put it all down to her wanting us to get the best we could. I didn't see it as her using me for her own gain. Until today I didn't see that she was whoring herself out and trying to do the same with me. It took a pay packet and some harsh words from Edward for me to figure that out.

Once again he was in the middle of my thoughts, but once again he had helped me without even knowing it. Like the first time we met, when he made me feel beautiful, even if it was only for half an hour, he was showing me what my life was really like.

I wouldn't go as far as to walk up to him and thank him for helping me see things from a different angle, but in my head I was hugging him to say thank you.

In my head, he wrapped his arms around me, told me I was beautiful because pretty wasn't nearly good enough for a description, and I deserved better. I'd thank him – I'd love him - for making me feel special, and he'd say he was happy to help, smiling at me softly.

I needed to stop living in my head; I had been doing it for the past four years.

"_You took my hand, you showed me how_

_You promised me, you'd be around._

_I took your words, and I believed,_

_In everything you said to me._

_If someone said three years from now,_

_You'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

'_Cause they're all wrong."_

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling? It's pretty easy this chapter :)**

**Sooo, what do we think? Bella finally going to start growing up? I see big things on her horizon :P Maybe y'all will continue to review :L**

**For news, gossip and TEASERS follow me over on twitter under the same name :) You can also check out all my inner ramblings on doucheward over on my blog :) www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**See you soon! xx**


	12. Life is a Rodeo

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**You guys are winning in the review challenge, so thank you all for your continued support! I hope I managed to get back to everyone this time :)**

**This chapter is only late because PTB had a lot of problems! It might not be "professional" of me to place blame, but it's their fault it took so long! Chapters 12 & 13 have been written for weeks and I hope y'all know I hate leaving you waiting when I don't have to!**

**Nearly everyone of you got the song and are all happy that it seems Renee may be going! WOOOOOOOOOO! Only...she ain't going down without a fight :O**

**SM owns all things Twilight, yadda, yadda.**

**Enjoy! xx**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Life is a Rodeo**

Felix led the way down the stairs to the foyer after our meeting was over. He seemed genuinely pleased to have me on board and was joking about framing my signature because it was the neatest he'd ever seen.

The first thing I noticed when we arrived at ground level was that Renee was no longer where I'd left her. The second was that Heidi was no longer alone. It seemed to be a recurring theme; when I thought of Edward, he just showed up. I slowed my pace as we approached him, and I hung back as Felix greeted him.

"Edward! Your appointment isn't until later. Getting some recording in already?"

I tried not to look at him or even make it look as if I had seen him, but I was pretty sure I failed. I wandered over to Heidi, who had her bag over her shoulder, ready for lunch. Felix had called down, much like he had the day before and asked if she was up for a lunch date again. According to Heidi, Felix always asked last minute, despite them having had lunch together every day for nearly a year. It was pretty sweet when I thought about it.

"Actually, no. There's somewhere I need to be later. I was hoping we could do it now," he answered slowly.

I rolled my eyes. Things always had to be done his way.

"Uh, of course. Sorry girls. Go without me. We can do it some other time."

"Yeah, sure. 'Cause whatever Edward wants, Edward gets,` right?" I turned to him and felt kind of smug when I noticed the shock on his face. Yeah, it was a day of firsts.

"Not everything, Miss Swan. My proposition still stands from this morning. I know it won't take too long for you to agree," he said with a bite, and I scoffed, trying to mask the way my heart sped at the sound of his voice. It almost seemed that it dropped to a softer, more seductive tone any time he spoke to me. Of course, I could have just been imagining it.

"I already told you you'd never get the answer you want, Mr Cullen. Did it bruise your ego to know that something was too good for you? I'm sure you can find plenty of willing whores – sorry, girls – to stroke it for you." I linked my arm through Heidi's and silently begged her to let us leave. "Emmett, Alice." I nodded at them both as we made our way past.

Edward's eyes caught mine, and the hurt in them made my breath catch painfully in my windpipe. The emotion was undisguised and _real_ and was the only thing he had ever given me as an insight into _him. _Everything else had been acted, fabricated, and faked, from his attitude to his personality, and I found myself more confused than ever. What had I said to warrant such a reaction?

"Right, shall we?" Felix's voice floated over to us as we headed towards the door, and I breathed a sigh of relief when we exited the building into the warm sun.

"What the _hell_ was that about?" Heidi started on me as soon as we hit the sidewalk. Crap, now I had to explain the whole thing.

I steered her down the sidewalk, careful to keep my voice low as I explained the whole episode that had been my morning. The entire way to the café, her mouth was agape, and her eyes were wide.

"Are you serious? What a freaking asshole!" I smiled faintly at her underhanded support; it was nice to know I hadn't overreacted.

"I don't know, Heidi. I just…maybe I'm just being naïve again, but there's something about him. All that bravado and all the snide remarks - I don't know if it's just me, but it seems as if it's a mask for whatever's underneath. I swear I've seen a different side of him, but then when I think about the way he acts, I wonder if I imagined it. I have witnesses for all the times he's been an asshole, but there's never any one else around when he says something that actually _means_ something."

I sighed and leaned my head back against the red leather of the booth as soon as we sat down. Heidi had brought us to a 50s style café that had just opened and had also somehow managed to finagle us a table at the last minute. I wish I had contacts that could do things like that whenever I wanted.

"Maybe…" she started.

"What?" She shook her head at me. "No, tell me what were you going to say? Anything to stop me from going crazy."

"Maybe it's you." She put her hands up when she noticed I was about to interrupt. "No, I don't mean you're making it up, or imagining it, or that it's your fault. I mean, maybe it's something _about_ you that makes him act that way. It's all I can think of, Bella. He's perfectly polite to Felix and me, and he's really carefree and happy when he's around his friends. I just don't get it…"

"So, he hates me so much that he can't help but lash out?" I stared at the swirling cream in my latte.

"No, I didn't mean that either. It's like it's a knee-jerk reaction. We have no idea what the man is like behind the mask. You know as well as I do that the man in the press is not the real Edward Cullen. We only get glimpses of what he's really like and even then it has been through the media. Maybe something about you reminds him of something, makes him feel like he's out of control, and he can't seem to get a grip on it." Heidi shook her head sadly when I looked back up at her. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws…I shouldn't excuse his behaviour, I'm on your side, Bella."

"I understand what you're saying, but for him to feel out of control or annoyed by my presence would mean he actually cared. I can only have some sort of power over him if he actually feels something, and I'm pretty damn sure he doesn't feel anything for me. Even when he lets his guard down, he's just acting on what he wants. It's not that he genuinely cares. He's used to having any girl he wants. He's said himself that it's more about the chase when it comes to me. He knows I'm a challenge."

Her hand swept across the table and rested lightly on the top of mine. "I'm sorry, Bella. Do you want someone to have a word with him? He doesn't have any right to talk to you like that."

"No, God no, that would just make things worse. I'd come across as some weak little girl who can't fight her own battles. We're not in high school. I need to face him and whatever problems he has with me on my own."

She nodded in understanding before we were interrupted by our waitress. She set two fresh mugs of coffee between us before laying down our plates. I felt my mouth water and laughed when Heidi rubbed her hands together theatrically.

We spent the next hour chatting about anything and nothing, both of us deliberately avoiding anything to do with Edward Cullen and his pack. That, however, did not extend to Jasper; it seemed he was totally allowed as a topic of conversation.

"So…Jasper Whitlock, huh?" She asks slyly.

I think she was expecting some sort of reaction, but I honestly had no idea what she was trying to get at. She seemed disappointed when I didn't stutter or blush or look away.

"Huh?"

"You left lunch in a hurry yesterday, and we all knew it was because of Edward…but none of us expected his best friend to go running after you…" She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"It's not like I asked him to," I replied almost petulantly. On the inside, however, I was also beginning to question why he had done it. It was inevitable that I would blush eventually, but it was the memory of being pulled into his arms that did it.

"So, what happened?"

"Are you going to start every question with so laden with accusation?" She laughed loudly when I raised my eyebrows at her, gaining a very annoyed look from the elderly couple sitting next to us. I snorted into my mug, gaining my own look of disgust and only causing Heidi to laugh harder.

I took a moment to really feel what was going on around me. It seemed strange to stop and think about what I was doing, but laughing itself seemed like a foreign concept to me. I had never really had close friends or girlfriends I could giggle with over such menial topics as boys. It had been years since I had sat down with another girl and had a laugh. I felt lighter somehow, as if laughing had expelled some of the baggage that I had been carrying around with me.

I never really thought myself to be unhappy or worried, but if you aren't _happy_, then what are you?

"Are you going to answer my question?" she pressed.

"Which question?" We both knew I was stalling, but for some reason I wanted to keep that moment to myself. Nothing had really happened, but I wanted time to mull it over and think about it for myself without dissecting it.

"Okay, okay. Keep your secrets…I'll get it out of you eventually, Swan."

"It's not that it's a secret, I just don't know what it was." I shrugged and sighed in relief when Heidi smiled kindly.

"Don't worry about it. Enjoy it. We can gossip over him some other time. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other opportunities." She winked almost conspiratorially, and we both giggled, making sure to stay quiet.

Heidi settled the bill, thankfully, because who knew waffles and coffee could be so pricey, and we both slid out of our booth.

"Hey, Heidi. Where did my mom go?" She turned from where she was touching up her lip gloss in the window to answer me.

"She said she had to go to the bank to sort some things out for your contract." She shrugged, oblivious to how important that statement had been.

My mom was at the bank? I wasn't sure whether to be completely freaked out and worried, or to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would she be able to get her hands on whatever money I had made and make up some excuse to me when I noticed I had none? Would she take it and run? I had always wondered why she had stuck with me – I guess it was because I was her meal ticket.

But how would she know Felix and I had even talked about my account? Maybe she just knew it was bound to come up and had to cover her tracks. Maybe she realized that for such an important contract, I would finally need my own account, so she thought she'd sort it all out for me. Or maybe I was just being naive again.

I sighed - I had no idea.

Heidi's blackberry buzzed in her hand, and she looked down at it with a smile. Three guesses as to whom the message was from if it got that reaction. I couldn't remember the last time I received a message that made me smile. In fact, I could barely remember the last time I received a message. I think it had come from the only girl in school I had been close to, Lauren. The only true friend I had ever had when I thought about it.

We had shared secrets, gossip, news and likes. We had crushed on the same boy in our class for years and made a pact to never do anything about it because best friends came first. We had sleepovers nearly every weekend, took trips out to Port Angeles for shopping whenever we could hitch a lift, and studied together every single time we had a test.

We had promised _not to_ promise to stay in touch when I left. We knew how those things went. We'd keep in touch religiously for a few months at the most, and then it would fall silent between us. Instead we had promised to always spare a minute to text or e-mail when something big was happening with us.

When she was asked to prom by Tyler, whom we both used to crush on, she immediately worried I'd be upset. She was sweet to care, and it showed me how selfless she always was. Of course, I didn't mind. In fact, I encouraged her; Tyler had grown into a very good looking guy.

I asked her to send me lots of pictures, and she didn't disappoint. She looked gorgeous in her knee length white dress, on Tyler's stylish arm. I envied her Lauren's ability to have a normal life. It made me homesick, wishing for the life I no longer had.

That same night I had spared a minute in my prayers to ask for it back. I didn't want to be tutored by strange men I had never met or travel to a different city every year. I wanted to be at home with my mom and dad snuggling on the sofa and watching sports on TV. I wanted to go to school and feel comfortable amongst the people I had grown up with.

I wanted to fall in love with the quiet boy in the corner who would look at me when he thought I wasn't looking - the one who would help me with my work during study period without me having to ask, and the one who would slip notes into my locker just to tell me he was thinking of me.

Either I was being really selfish in wanting all that, or God was simply too busy that week. I woke up the next morning to the same routine, but instead of feeling sorry for myself – that was the day I learned to suck it up and keep my head high.

I had to make the most of the circumstances I was in. I guess that was why I had let my mom get away with everything she had done. It wasn't that I didn't know what she was doing – I just didn't have the strength to confront her and ultimately lose her.

She had stopped being a mom to me years ago, but no one seemed to realize that, at the time, _she was all I had._ It was easy now that I was surrounded by a support system and potential friends to start fighting back, but I never would have been able to do that before.

I wished my newfound strength was my own, but I was drawing it from those around me. I was exposed to such talented people, and I desperately wanted to live up to them. They gave me the will to fight.

I was surrounded by brains, good looks, old money, and more talent than I could shake a stick at. Yes, I was once again thinking about Edward and Jasper, but I would be a fool to not see just how amazing both were at their craft.

For some bizarre reason, I was now a part of this large group of friends and acquaintances, and with that came a sense of responsibility and foreshadowing. I had to be as good, if not better, to be able to feel comfortable with these people. I couldn't be a nobody any more, I had to stand up and be counted, so to speak.

"Felix wants to know if you'd like to meet your new team?"

I squinted at Heidi through the sunlight and nodded my head, although somewhat confused.

"Don't I just have a new manager?" I asked.

She smiled as she quickly typed out her answer on her blackberry, shaking her head softly.

"No, Bella, you get a team to help you build your career. They can be anyone from sound directors to music editors. Felix usually chooses a team for each new client, so I couldn't tell you who you'll get or what their talent will be."

"Cool," I answered lamely. Her phone buzzed again, and she laughed lightly.

"He wants to know if he can have your number so _he_ can actually ask you these things. He feels like he's ruining his reputation by using his fiancée to broker his deals." I laughed along with her, understanding what he meant.

I spouted off my number before blurting out what was floating around my head. "That makes the total number of people with my number…well, three." I laughed, but I noticed Heidi hadn't joined in.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. My mom, an old friend from school at home, and Felix." I waved my hand at her phone as we continued walking along the sidewalk.

She pushed two buttons before turning back to me with a smile. "Make that four. I can't very well beg you to come shopping with me if I don't have your number, now can I?" She hooked her arm through mine, much like I had on our way out, and we walked along quietly. "Speaking of shopping, actually can we stop somewhere?" she added mere minutes later. I smiled and nodded, letting her lead me across the road.

She flagged us a taxi I hadn't even noticed and waited for me to slide in before doing the same. "Rodeo Drive, please." My jaw dropped. We were only going for a quick something, but it had to be Rodeo Drive. A smile spread across my face. Everyone knew it, and I was finally going to experience it.

I took in all of my surroundings, but it wasn't long before I had forgotten what turns we had taken. If I ever settled in this city, it would take me years to learn my way around. Maybe I should never buy myself a car and just rely on taxis for the rest of my life.

"Uh, I think here will do, driver. Thank you." I was too busy staring out the window to spare a thought towards the fare. Thankfully Heidi didn't seem to care and handed over a few bills. She stepped out first before standing beside the open door, waiting for me to join her.

_Here will do._ As if it wasn't good enough, but it was all we had time for. We were standing outside _Tom Ford_. What was so important that she had to buy it from a top designer? I was beginning to thank my mom for picking out such a great outfit that morning. There was no way I'd have even been allowed through the doors if I were in ripped jeans and a hoodie.

"Come on!" Heidi suddenly sounded like a kid on Christmas morning, and I giggled lightly as she pulled me through the glass doors into the cooled store.

She seemed like a woman on a mission as she led me straight down one wall, and I nearly knocked her over with my lack of anticipation for her stopping so suddenly. We were standing in front of a sea of varying types of sunglasses, dominating a wall of glittered mirrors. I didn't know where to focus my eyes first, but thankfully Heidi made the choice for me.

She took a step towards the wall and waved her finger over the lines of shades before stopping at a specific pair. I didn't want to speak out and tell her she already had a pair on her head, which I then noticed had _Armani_ sketched into the side. Maybe they were out of style or something.

However, when she picked them out, instead of trying them on, she turned to me with a mischievous grin and held them out between us. My eyes widened momentarily, but I had to be honest - the thought of having them – owning them – made me feel good. Is that what a label did for you? Sure, it looked good, it cost a fortune, but did having it on actually make you feel better?

I shook my head, however, taking a small step back from her. I had learned early on in life never to trust something that didn't have a price tag. Whether it be because my mom had always handled our finances, and I never would asked her for something expensive, but in my experience, no price tag usually meant you couldn't afford it.

Feeling embarrassed, I tried to tell her quietly I didn't want them, which must have been some form of blasphemy. My brain, however, was screaming at me that trying them on wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Bella, please? I want to get you a present. Think of it as a good luck gift. I know this is a complete waste of money when I could have taken you to some tourist gift-shop, but what else do I have to spend it on? I know I told you I was making my own money, but that doesn't mean I don't have a card that comes from daddy." She winked, and I laughed lightly.

"I…" What, what was I going to argue with? She wanted to buy them for me, and hell, I wanted her to buy them for me.

"Please, Bella? I'm not above begging, you know." We both laughed again, and I hesitantly took the proffered pair from her.

I had to admit they looked fantastic – I had always been lucky to have a face that suited both hats and sunglasses – that wasn't my problem. But when you're spending so much money on something, it has to be perfect, and this pair wasn't.

I shook my head and put them back, moving down the wall with Heidi following me quietly. She picked out a few pairs, but I noticed she tried them on herself instead of handing them to me.

I was nearly three quarters of the way down the wall when I came to a stop. Aviators. It wasn't until I looked more closely that I realized each pair had their own name. _Sunglasses with an actual name._

The pair that had caught my eye where called _Charles._

I picked them up gingerly, sliding them onto my face, keeping my eyes shut as if it would make the "unveiling" more exciting. I peeked through my closed eyelids and smiled when I saw my reflection. Yeah, they looked good.

"Ooh, Bella, they look fantastic." Heidi clapped twice before turning back to the mirror, causing the hovering shop assistant to laugh. He sidled up to her, and I tuned them out when they started talking about her dress. _It was Gucci, didn't you know?_ I rolled my eyes, and in doing so, pair number two jumped out at me, waving frantically to get my attention. _Well, not really, but you get my point._

It took us another fifteen minutes before I was happy with my choice and handed them somewhat reluctantly to Heidi. I still wasn't entirely happy that she was about to spend so much money on me, but when I noticed she had two pairs herself, I calmed a bit.

"These are for Felix. God, I love him in glasses. He looks even sexier than usual."

I only laughed, having no opinion on the matter. Sure, he was good-looking, but sexy? Not when Edward was in the vicinity…

I battled the urge to faint when the clerk rang up her purchases, never having believed three pairs of sunglasses could actually cost that much. I mean, four figures, _seriously?_

"Here…" Heidi handed me my present with a flourish, watching excitedly as I put them on once we were out on the sun baked sidewalk. "Jeez, Bella. You look good, girl!" She swapped hers around, opting for the newest pair, before flagging us another taxi. "This is the beginning of big things, Bella. I'm so excited for you." Heidi squeezed my arm as we slid into my third taxi of the day.

"Do you know what? I'm actually excited for me, too. Thank you for today it was exactly what I needed."

She smiled sweetly at me as she rattled of the address of Volturi before answering. "What are friends for?"

What indeed? I thought. Things were certainly looking up, and I smiled at the passing streets outside the window.

"_I was meant to tread the water,_

_But now I've gotten in too deep._

_For every piece of me that wants you,_

_Another piece backs away._

_You give me something,_

_That makes me scared alright_

_This could be nothing,_

_But I'm willing to try._

_Please give me something,_

_Because someday I might know my heart."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling?**

**Review please! Y'all are still pretty afraid of that review button :P**

**Little heads up! I'm currently writing a collaboration with miss devilsgenie (my partner in world domination remember), and its based on the steaming hot video of 30 Seconds To Mars' Hurricane :) I'll give you more deets when it's ready for validation, but keep your eyes peeled :)**

**Just imagine...an Edward based on Jared Leto...yummmmmmmmmmmmmm :P**

**Follow me for teasers and goss on twitter :) Or over on my blog www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**xx**


	13. Take A Good Look

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Welcome back!**

**I just know y'all are gonna love this one...**

**So I shall step aside and let our E say what's on his mind... :P**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Take A Good Look**

When Heidi and I returned to _Volturi_, Felix and Edward were standing at the reception desk, chatting and laughing away like long lost friends. I couldn't hide the pang of hurt that travelled through me as I watched Edward throw his head back in laughter. Was it sad that I wanted to be able to do that? That I wanted to be the one to make him smile, laugh, flirt?

It didn't take long for Felix to notice his fiancée, and the smile that graced his handsome features was so genuine that Heidi squeezed my arm to her side. It was like all the time they've been together didn't matter - that no matter how many times he had smiled at her like that, it still had an effect.

I briefly wondered if it would always be that way for me with Edward. No, I didn't get reactions like that, but no matter how many times I saw him, he took my breath away, and I had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He was Edward Cullen – I was beginning to realize that his asshole behaviour didn't matter all that much – it was all him.

Maybe his attitude was a cover because every time I looked at him, I could swear there was more to him than that. I played it off as my being immature and naïve, but what if I could really see a different Edward underneath? I couldn't just ignore it, could I? Shouldn't I be fighting to see it more often?

"Heidi. Bella." Edward nodded at each of us, and I was positive that he had said my name differently from Heidi's.

I recalled the hurt in his eyes from our last conversation, and with that in mind, I acted differently.

"Edward." I nodded back. "Did you guys get everything sorted out?"

Edward wasn't the only one who looked completely taken aback – from the corner of my eye I saw both Felix and Heidi turn to look at me.

"Uh, yeah. We got it all straightened out," Edward answered me sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, and I couldn't help but find it completely adorable.

I was so screwed.

"I don't mean to rush things, Bella, but I'd like to introduce you to a few people upstairs if you're up for it. I have a meeting in half an hour that I can't miss." I found it hard to tear my gaze away from Edward's, simply because it was so different. There was no hurt or hatred or malice in it – he was just…looking at me.

I nodded as I turned to him. "Sure, I don't have anything better to do." Everyone laughed, but it wasn't really that funny in my head. I _didn't _have anything better to do.

Felix waved his hand in the direction of the stairs, and with one last look at Edward I turned and led the way. I didn't want to walk away when he was being so normal with me, but it seemed like I didn't have a choice. Something nagged at the back of my mind, telling me that was my chance, I wouldn't get another. I smothered it, fighting with my own subconscious. This was what Edward Cullen reduced me to.

When we reached my studio door, Felix stepped in first and held the door open for me. I wasn't surprised to see we were no longer alone, but it did surprise me to see my little space – that had been personal up until now – so full of people.

When the door closed quietly behind me, I faced the four men directly in my line of vision.

"Well, before we go any further, I'd like to introduce you to your team, Bella." Felix leant against the side wall, looking the epitome of relaxed as I concentrated on not feeling nervous.

These men were there to help me; I had no reason to blush under their scrutiny, and if I was so eager to grow the hell up like I'd planned, then the blushing for no reason _had_ to stop. _Starting now_, I told myself.

_Were no guys in this company bad-looking?_

Just before Felix began to talk, my mother bustled in behind us. How she had managed to time her return so well and know where we'd be was a little spooky, but I thought nothing more of it as she faded into the shadows of the room and waved her hand for Felix to continue.

"This is Seth – he'll be your principle sound editor. He'll always be in here when you're recording, and he'll be the guy you go to with all your ideas and suggestions for how you want your music to sound." Seth stepped forward and shook my hand.

He was young, looking almost the same age as me. His floppy hair was honey-brown and covering his eyes, and as I was looking at it, he swept it back with a sheepish grin. It made him look so carefree and friendly that I couldn't help but smile in return.

I turned my eyes back to Felix, waiting for him to continue.

"Next up is Laurent. He'll be here to back up Seth, but we like to use him for his contacts. All collaborations will go through him – if you want them, of course. You name an artist, he'll get them for you. Trust me; he's one of the best." Felix grinned, and it felt like I was missing something.

As my eyes settled on Laurent, it was clear to see he wasn't on the same team as me. He raised my knuckles to his mouth and pecked them lightly, causing me to grin again.

"We're going to be great friends, Miss Bella. I can tell." He winked as he stepped back, and we all laughed. Well, everyone but Renee, who was sulking in the corner.

Laurent brushed down his impeccable waistcoat and sorted his cravat dramatically, winking once more.

Before Felix even started up again, my eyes fell on the last man in line. Dirty blond hair that had been spiked to within an inch of its life, and ice-blue eyes that seemed to drink all of me in at once were set in and around a rugged face with chiselled features. As if Jasper, Edward and Jake weren't enough, I could feel myself heating up just by looking at this new guy.

"Bella, this is James. He'll be your manager."

Felix seemed to rush out his sentence, knowing it wasn't going to go down well. I was snapped out of my blatant ogling when James cringed and looked away from me.

"Excuse me?" Renee's voice was cold and hard as she stepped back into the middle of the room.

"Our contract clearly states that the company issues the artist with their own manager to deal with all publicity and commercial endeavours. Miss Higgins, you were given a copy of our contract the day you arrived. That clause was impossible to miss."

If I hadn't been watching Felix closely, I wouldn't have noticed the way he had to battle his smirk. He glanced at me quickly before furrowing his brow when Renee turned to me.

"Isabella? You signed this?" I shrank back from her gaze. She was looking at us all coldly, but I knew she was only putting on a front for our audience. There was no doubt in my mind that once we got back to our hotel room she'd pounce on me.

"Yes, _Renee._ I wanted this, and if that meant getting a new manager in the process, then I was willing to go with it. You can still manage everything else. God knows I have no idea what you do anyway." Her eyes widened, and I was pretty sure mine did the same. I had never spoken to my mother in that way before, and we both knew it.

I tried to change the subject. "However, did my contract not state that Jared was to be my manager?" James paled in front of me as Felix cleared his throat.

"Uh, yes. But unfortunately he has been asked for personally by another artist. I can assure you James is the best in the building at what he does."

James nodded in an over-the-top way, a pretend smug smile on his face. I laughed lightly at him, thankful for the light reprieve from the tension.

"Another artist, huh? Three guesses who that was…" I trailed off suggestively. Felix only shrugged, clearly at a loss for what to say. It seemed even when Edward wasn't around, he was messing up my day.

James grinned, knowing I knew exactly who and what had happened to my contract. "Trust me, he's done you a favour this time."

I furrowed my brow at the anger that flitted across James' face. There was something going on that I wasn't yet privy to.

"Of course, these three wouldn't know what to do with an instrument if you whacked them with one," Felix continued. "Any time you need a drummer, a guitarist, you name it, they'll be booked for you. We'll get to that when you actually begin to record. I know you have quite a list of material already with you, so you can sit down with Seth and go over it whenever you're ready.

"Your money will be wired to your account by Thursday at the latest, so you don't need to start working until then. That'll give you enough time to set up your own artist account. The law states we have to pay only you, so until you have an account solely in your name, the money won't go in."

I nodded, trying to make it look like that meant nothing to me. I didn't want Renee to think I had any idea what was going on regarding our – _my_ – finances.

"I'll go to the bank tomorrow or something. It's not hard to open a new account, is it?" I wondered aloud.

"I've already done it for you, Isabella. You have a new account that requires your signature in person. Once you sign, the money you have already earned will be wired into it along with your contract payment." My mother spoke up.

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head when I turned towards my mother and actually found her smiling. It was faint, but by God it was there.

"Thank you," I replied softly, still in shock that she hadn't played me somehow.

"It's about time you were in charge of your own finances. I can't do everything for you." And the sneer was back, I should have known it wouldn't be gone for long.

I nodded, cursing myself for letting her get my hopes up only to squash them in less than a minute.

"Okay, that's settled then!" Felix clapped his hands together excitedly. "By Thursday we'll be ready to rock and roll." James groaned at the pun, and I laughed when he turned to wink at me. My grin only widened when I successfully battled my blush.

"Isabella, I have a dinner tonight with some friends. I probably won't be back until late, so make sure you behave on your own." I turned to my mother, unable to hide the way she made me feel. We were standing in a room full of successful, good-looking men, and she berated me like a child.

"I'll probably just have an early night. I'll see you in the morning." Despite the way she had always spoken to me, I had never been anything but polite in return. Forgetting my little slip earlier when I had actually defended myself, I made her think that wasn't going to change.

With a sharp nod and a glance around the room, she turned on her heel and left as quickly as she had arrived. I visibly deflated when the door closed behind her, jumping when a hand landed unexpectedly on my shoulder.

"Don't let her get to you too much, baby girl. You've got us now." Laurent smiled at me warmly, picking my mood straight back up again.

James punched him playfully on the shoulder. "No, you mean, she's got _me_ now." I laughed as Laurent made a show of thinking over James' comment before he shook his head in disagreement.

James only rubbed his hands together dramatically and followed Felix and Seth to the door. "This is gonna be fun-I can tell." He winked at me one last time before all three of them disappeared into the corridor.

Laurent was picking up his leather bag from one of the chairs when there was a knock on the glass door. He looked at the frosted glass and then at me, one eyebrow raised in expectation. Right, I had to answer it – this was, after all, my room.

"Come in." Was that the right thing to do? I mean, I couldn't see who it was; was there a policy for who was allowed to wander around the building? Did I have to physically answer it every time someone stopped by? I had far too many questions that were barely even important.

From his vantage point, Laurent saw our visitor first, and I noticed his eyes widen before he licked his lips. Oh God, he had a thing for whoever it was.

When Edward stepped into the room, I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of me. It seemed he didn't have a desperate effect on_ just_ me. Knowing I had caught his actions, Laurent winked at me before fixing his jet black hair.

"I'll see you soon, my girl." I was surprised when he reached over and squeezed my hand with a meaningful look, but I only smiled when he turned and brushed entirely too close to Edward as he left the room.

Edward barely seemed to notice it, and I rolled my eyes. I was trying valiantly to hide both my shock and happiness over the fact that Edward was standing in my little space. It didn't take long before I remembered my annoyance at him and why.

"Edward," I greeted him coolly. "Come to take something else from me?" Jesus, where was my sudden fire coming from?

"What makes you think I have anything that belongs to you?" he asked in aggravation. However, when I looked back at him, he actually looked guilty.

"Does Jared Ortega ring any bells?" I sneered. I had never met the guy, and I pretty much loved James, but it still bothered me that he'd ridden in and messed things around without me knowing.

"I was doing you a fucking favour! The guy is a pathetic excuse for a man and has been picked up more than once for preying on young girls. I didn't want you anywhere near him!"

"What makes you think I need favours from you? I can look after myself, Edward." I tried to ignore the way my heart flipped at the last bit. Was it sad that I liked the way he had sounded almost possessive?

"Don't you think I know that? Fuck, I was only trying to…" He trailed off, seemingly at a loss, as if he didn't know what he had been trying to do. He threaded his long fingers through his hair and tugged it upwards.

"What Edward, what were you trying to do?" My voice lost all its anger and matched his. I was tired of fighting and putting up with his riddles. We were always going around in circles.

"He's a piece of shit, Bella. It's just easier if he's mine. I can handle him." He held up his hand when he noticed me bristle in annoyance. "Not that you can't, don't go fucking jumping down my throat again. Look, this is your first time, and Jamie is fucking great at what he does. You don't need to be watching your back when you've got a million other things to be worrying about."

I sagged against the wall. Edward Cullen had thought about someone other than himself for five minutes, had actually done something nice for me, and had acted like a human being – just like I had asked him to earlier.

"That was -" I started, but Edward cut me off.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'll not interfere again, I promise." He turned briskly and jerked the door open.

"No!" My voice was far too loud in the tiny space, and I cringed as it rang around me. Edward turned back to me warily. "Thank you, Edward." I sighed, scrubbing my hands over my face. "Thank you. I don't think I could have coped with another manager like…" _My mom_. He didn't know Renee was my mom, and for some reason, I didn't want him to.

"Renee Higgins, big fan?" Edward copied my mother's slick voice from that fateful day on the plane damn near perfectly, and I couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of me.

Edward smiled at me – that smile that made me tingle all over – and I couldn't help but grin back. He was so incredibly handsome when he smiled. He must have a lot going on if he didn't do it more often.

My face fell, however, when I thought over what he had just said. I didn't know if I should be happy that he had been watching me so closely as to catch it.

"What's wrong?" He sounded genuinely concerned, and he was beginning to settle back into "my Edward" – the Edward from the plane, who was polite and smiley and flirty.

"You said you couldn't remember talking to me on the plane…" My eyes hit the floor as I finished my thought. "But you can remember her…" I barely whispered it, but it was clear he caught it because he stepped back into my room and shut the door gently behind him.

"I lied." I snapped my head back up to look at him and found him staring at a point over my shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance or frustration – I couldn't tell.

"Why?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted the answer.

"I thought it would keep me detached. If I remained aloof or some shit, it would prove to you that it didn't matter to me. I didn't want you to think I was, like…expecting something. Fuck, I don't even know, it doesn't make any sense."

I ignored his comment on how it didn't matter, knowing it would cut at my heart, and focused instead on the possibility that there was more.

"Did you lie about forgetting everything?" My mind was solely focused on the night I spent in his bed. Did he remember the things he'd said to me, how he had admitted to wanting to kiss me? Did he remember that he had told me that night he_ didn't_ lie?

"No, Bella, my head…it's…" He waved his hand around his head as if it would help him find the right description. "My memory is fucked…I…sometimes I'm glad I can't remember when I wake up in the morning…but other times I wish I could picture a certain event, recall words that were said…" His eyes locked on me and my heart stopped. "The way some things looked."

He was looking at me so intensely that I had to look away. The heat rose to the surface of my flesh as I wondered if he was talking about that night, too.

"You told me that night that you never lie…" _Where the fuck was I hoping to go with this?_

"Fuck, I don't, not about the important stuff. Bella, I'm not purposefully disregarding you, I honestly can't remember any of it…like most of my life now, to be honest."

I wasn't sure I was supposed to hear the end of his sentence, but it hung in the air between us anyway.

"Will you tell me what I said?" I shook my head almost immediately. I couldn't, could I? "Was I that cruel? Fuck, I'm sorry, Bella. It's just…you remind me of…" He shook his head, obviously realizing he was telling me too much. God, how I wanted to know the story of Edward Cullen. Heidi was right, I _did_ remind him of something, _someone._

I had to ease his mind, I felt compelled to do so. "You weren't cruel, Edward. Quite the opposite, actually." I smiled faintly at the way he had made me feel on the path outside his bungalow.

"Then it wasn't a lie," he answered softly. I gulped, not quite believing what I was hearing. He had no idea what he had actually said, but he was basically telling me that if it was something nice, it was true.

I took a chance and a deep breath. "You said you really wanted to kiss me, and that you were scared of how I made you feel." I bit my lip to muffle my staggered breathing, but I kept my eyes locked on his.

"I do…I am…" He took a step towards me, making my breath catch in my throat. But as if a switch had been flicked, his stance fell and he stepped back again. "Fuck, Bella, I can't do this. I'm sorry." And he looked it – he did actually look sorry. I nodded as he turned and opened the door again.

"Wait! Why did you come to see me?" It was obvious we hadn't talked about whatever it was he had come in for.

"I…" he hesitated, and I wondered if he was trying to think up something different. "I'm leaving for a week, and I wanted to say good luck. You'll be starting when I'm not here…" he trailed off, shrugging as if it was the most rational thing, but this was Edward I was talking to.

He had taken the time to say good luck, and his words meant so much more than Heidi taking me shopping. It made me feel like he actually gave a damn. The ice was gone from his demeanour; his apology had been sincere, and he had actually come across as if he cared. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips.

"Going anywhere nice?" We both smiled at each other, knowing we were actually succeeding in having a proper conversation.

"Not really, no. There's something I need to do. I…I'd rather be here…" He wasn't looking at me, but something told me he meant it the way I wanted him to.

"Right, okay…I…" Jeez, I had no idea what to say to this man.

"Yesterday, in the restaurant?" I nodded, wondering why he was bringing it up. "When I said you weren't worth my time?" I gulped and nodded again. "That was the worst sort of lie…I'm sorry I said it…"

I could only nod, too much emotion blocking off my throat. His shoulders sagged in what looked like defeat when he received no answer. Couldn't he tell he had choked me up with his honesty?

"Have a good week, Miss Swan." He wasn't completely cold, but it was obvious his geniality and honesty were gone.

"Bye." He stepped out into the corridor. "Edward…" It was almost pathetic how I loved saying his name. I wondered if he could tell how much pleasure I took in simply saying it or if he could see the effect him using any of my names had on me.

Probably not…he didn't seem to get me at all. He did, however, pause outside my door before it clicked shut behind him. He didn't return, though, and I watched his shadow hover before disappearing down the carpeted hall.

Our conversation may have only lasted ten minutes, but I suddenly felt empty. I had never felt so lonely before. Sure, I'd been alone, but there was a difference – a vast difference.

"_I wish I could just make you turn around,_

_Turn around and see me cry._

_There's so much I need to say to you,_

_So many reasons why._

_Take a look at me now,_

_Cause there's just an empty space._

_There's nothing left here to remind me,_

_Just the memory of your face."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without googling, as always?**

**So what do we think? Is E really the asshole we all thought? Does one apology and even more mysteries make up for it?**

**How are we feeling? Lol, I know none of you particularly like to review, but I'd appreciate it if you could :P**

**Don't forget that EPOV of chapter one is up in the combination of stories for FandomFightsTunsami :) Get donating and get LOTS of awesome stories :):)**

**Follow all the goss on twitter or on my blog :) www(dot)liveindakota(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Xxx**


	14. Settling In

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Sorry for the delay!**

**So sorry I haven't replied to some of your reviews but this site is STILL A TOTAL FAIL!**

**Just know that it's really annoying me not being able to get back to you!**

**One point someone made was that the UST has kinda fallen away in this fic :O I'm not really going for UST at this point, so please don't be looking for it. E has a lot of issues and while he may or may not be attracted to Bella, sexual tension is NOT going to be on his mind...not until y'all know what's really wrong with him anyways :P**

**I love all your thoughts and opinions tho, so keep em coming! :):)**

**Muchos love to my few and loyal reviewers, you know this is story is for you :P**

**Enjoy x**

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Settling In**

"Uh, I'm sorry, can we do it again?" I asked quietly, knowing I didn't need to raise my voice to be heard.

The microphone ticked on. "Bella, you don't need to apologise. Do it as many times as you want," Seth chuckled from somewhere behind me, and I smiled.

I couldn't help but apologise, especially when I was subjecting them to the same phrase of music over and over.

It just didn't sound right.

I sat back on my piano stool, letting my eyes wander the pattern my fingers had been playing for what felt like hours. The notes appeared as written notation in my mind's eye, and I started fiddling them about in the air.

This was how I worked. I hated writing it out and having to scribble over it, so I saw it. I had always wondered if I had a photographic memory, but how would I ever know for sure? I was just comfortable with notes. Like others used words and always carried a notepad to write down their ideas, I used sound and could remember it all instead.

_Maybe if I take that C out and swap it with the B two notes in front, I thought._

I played it out and groaned as my audience laughed from behind me.

"I'm pretty sure that's a tune already, Bells." Seth's voice is playfully chiding and I can't help but smile at the nickname he and James seem to have settled on. It makes me feel warm inside because no one has ever used anything other than Bella – even that is too much of a stretch for Renee.

"Why don't we take a break?" James asked. He managed to not sound bored, but I don't know how he did it – he's been sitting in the same chair listening to me mess up for over a week.

I hated to admit that I was nothing more than distracted. I couldn't help the way my mind drifted to the empty room next door. I couldn't fight the way my eyes were drawn to the door every time it opened, hoping that maybe it would be some sort of sign that he was back. I had to turn my piano round so that I could actually concentrate on the keys in front of me.

Edward had been gone for eighteen days. Not that I had been counting or anything. I spent my time wondering where he was and why he had taken off so quickly. I scowled to myself when I realized he had been allowed to just walk out despite having just signed a contract. He had that kind of power, influence, in the business.

I knew I had been given an amazing opportunity, so was it wrong to want what he had? I had been working so hard for so long and had barely gotten anywhere. Edward seemed to just swan about and be renowned for his talent.

Throughout my thought process, my hands were wandering over the keys, but I didn't notice how quiet it had gone on the opposite side of the microphone. My hands were playing a melody they knew by heart; my brain didn't even have to be involved I'd played it that many times.

It was soft and flowing, but it didn't really mean anything. It had no words, no purpose other than to calm me down. I loved the way the g sharp key sounded when its natural notes harmonised on opposite ends of the piano. I could always let my mind drift off when my left hand was running over the broken chords I saw in my head.

The rhythm on my right hand was slightly different. The melody was a staccato, plinking lightly with pauses and variations continually working their way up and down the black and white keys. It always felt like I could just breathe and relax when that certain flow of notes was sounding around me and it wasn't any different when I had two guys watching my every move – like the guys sort of floated away with the sounds I was playing.

My bubble was broken when I heard James sit forward on his chair. I could almost picture him steepling his fingers in front of his face. "Um, Bells?"

"Yeah, Jam?" I chuckled lightly when I heard him groan because I knew how much he hated my pet name for him.

"What are you playing?" Ah, the million dollar question. I shrugged, my fingers not stalling on the keys.

"It's beautiful," whispered a third voice. I startled because I hadn't heard the door. I startled because it was so unexpected. I startled because I had never heard his voice so unguarded or soft. I wanted to hear it like that more often. My mind runs away from me – I wanted to hear it in completely different situations.

The third voice was the only thing that had ever managed to stop me while playing my song. The third voice was the only one that could make the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. The owner of the third voice was the only person who had ever occupied my thoughts more than my music.

The owner of the third voice was very obviously back, and he was standing in my booth.

I couldn't seem to turn around. I couldn't bring myself to look through the dark glass and see his messy hair and strong body. By the time I'd talked myself into it, the microphone crackled off again, and I had been cut off from the sound booth.

I sat there, frozen, knowing how close he was, how within my reach he was after so long. We'd barely spoken to one another, but going over a week without seeing him had seemed to mess with my equilibrium.

_I had missed him._

I shook my head because that simply wasn't right.

He'd acted like an asshole for most of the time I had known him, and he'd only shown a brief interest in me. I shouldn't miss a man like that. He was too damaged to fix, but I wasn't one of the women who saw a "bad boy" and wanted to reform him. I just wanted to know Edward Cullen better. Granted, I also wanted him to look at me differently, touch me more…try once again to kiss me. I was sure that if he tried again I certainly wouldn't stop him, despite the way he had treated me.

He had apologised before he left on his emergency, told me that the things he had said when he was drunk were true, made it seem like he was attracted to me. He said he had wanted to kiss me, and that he was scared of what I was doing to him. If only he knew, I sighed internally.

It had been yet another week since I had heard his voice. Any time I was in the building, he managed to avoid me. I wasn't going out of my way to see him, but I wasn't running scared any more either. However, any time I neared his booth I couldn't go in, feeling like I wouldn't have a good enough excuse to just walk in.

We were only metres from each other at any given time, and the yearning I had to see him again was beginning to wear me down.

I had received my first pay cheque the second week he had been away, but I had been almost afraid to touch it. Things had gone smoothly with my mother and my account. She had indeed set it up for me, and I even had Heidi look things over with me – it all seemed above board.

I wasn't completely trusting of her because something inside me said I had to be careful around her. I knew now that if I became too complacent, she'd pounce. Well, not literally, but I had had my eyes opened by those around me, and I was learning to see that putting my faith in her right away wasn't the right choice.

She had been laying low since then. Sometimes she would pop into the studio and inquire as to how my "material" was coming along, but most of the time I wouldn't see her for days on end – even though we stayed in the same hotel suite. Well, for her I used the term loosely, I didn't think she had slept there in a fortnight.

I shuddered to think what she was doing, or _who_ she was doing. I turned a blind eye, hoping it would help me get on with things and get her to leave me in peace.

The day Renee and I returned to our hotel – the day I had signed my contract, and James as my manager – she had stood in the kitchen talking down to me for nearly an hour. She told me how disappointed she was in my decisions, that I wasn't behaving the way she had worked so hard to bring me up.

She even managed the "I'm disappointed in you" tone that parents seem to have down to a tee. She didn't care that she was hurting me when tears spilled over at her harsh words. She put it all on me and when I tried to make her see how she had been acting for the last few years she walked out in indignation.

I had cried most of the night. Not for her, but for me. I was in full on self-pity mode. I missed my father. I even missed Edward. There wasn't a person in my life that seemed to actually care about how I felt or what was going on with me. At least, that was until the next day.

I had run into Jasper on my dash into the studio, knowing I was late. He was the last person I expected to see simply because Edward and his gang weren't even in L.A. He'd stopped me in my tracks, and put his hands on my shoulders to keep me there.

"Bella, breathe." He was smiling when I looked up at him, but it soon dropped from his face.

"I'm late, I'm sorry…" I tried to pull away from him, but the look on his face turned to concern, and he held me fast.

"What's wrong?" The breath caught in my throat because I wasn't expecting it. I certainly wasn't expecting it from him, or in that tone. He sounded like he cared, but I put it down to the pity party I had thrown myself the night before.

"Nothing, bad night…"

"Bella," he sighed, and I knew he could see right through me.

"Jasper, please, I need to get in there. I can't mess this up." I cringed internally as my voice broke. I was too emotional, and while I played it down to PMS, I still hated the way I couldn't control it.

"Okay, but we're having a chat later."

My eyes widened, and he laughed lightly, the sound giving me the strength I needed to actually smile in return.

I spent nearly three hours taking my frustration out on random pieces of paper. Seth and James wanted to know if I had anything new in my head, but nothing would come out. In the end, they let me go; probably knowing they weren't going to get anywhere.

Jasper had been sitting on the carpet in the mixer booth behind Jamie's chair – much to my surprise – and he bounced up lightly when I stepped through from my sound room.

"I don't seem to have any friends so you'll have to do for lunch."

I smiled at the way he played it down, and ignored the pointed look Jamie sent in my direction.

Once again, I noticed no paparazzi when we emerged into the sunlight and I was surprised when Jasper ushered me into a car idling near the doors. He told his driver to take us to a specific street, knowing I didn't know the city well at all, saying he wanted to keep our destination secret.

I laughed when we pulled up in front of a McDonalds, and giggled more when he giddily told his driver what to order from the drive through. Chris – as I learned his name was – ordered food for all three of us, paid with Jasper's flourished money and parked us in the parking lot before handing the food back to us.

I dug in without any pretence, not realizing how famished I had actually been.

"So, you gonna tell me what's happening?" Jasper asked through a mouth full of fries. The coke in my mouth seemed to get lodged in my throat, and I had to painfully swallow it down, shrugging in answer. "You don't have to tell me specifics, but I'm here if you need to talk. And if not me, then Heidi and Felix sure seem to want to help you out."

I smiled because he was right. Heidi and Felix were doing their upmost to help me settle in and make me feel welcome.

"I…I had another fight with my manager last night…she said some things I would have rather she'd kept to herself…" I tried to play it off like it meant nothing, but it seemed we both knew I was lying.

"The bitch who's a massive fan of Edward's?" I swivelled my head to look at him, surprised he even knew who I was talking about. I had to think back and assure myself they had never met. "Edward told me about her, and about the way she treated you." Jasper flashed me a smile before filling his mouth with burger.

I tried to answer him, but all I could think was that Edward had told him about me. Edward had talked about me. "Yeah, but Edward doesn't know that she's also my mother." Jasper coughed dramatically, and I started to worry that maybe he was choking to death.

All I could think was that one of Hollywood's most sought after actors was choking to death, and I was sitting there watching it happen.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! She's your mom?" He asked as I watched his eyes water from the exertion of his coughing fit.

"Yeah, she came with me when I moved from home to help me. I was young, I didn't know anything about what I wanted to do, not really, I just knew I loved it. She sorted out all the 'adult' things, but lately…"

"What?" He prodded gently.

"It's like she doesn't even know who she is. I mean, she never stops reminding me she's my manager and she knows what she's doing, but it's like she's completely forgotten she's supposed to be my mom first." I shook my head dejectedly. "I dunno, it's like she's oblivious to the things I need as her daughter. I can't remember the last time she said she was proud of me, or excited for me, or gave me a hug, or even said well done."

I watched Jasper dump his brown paper bag on the floor between his feet before he scooted closer to me and wrapped his long arm around my shoulders. It wasn't until his other hand came up and wipded away a stray tear that I even realized I was crying. His comfort and gentleness made everything I'd tried to bottle up come pouring out of me.

"Jasper, she doesn't care anymore. It's like I don't have any family left…I never realized how alone I really was until last night…" I was proud of myself for pulling in the emotion and keeping it together. I was stronger than this.

He pulled me closer into him, picked up the remains of my lunch, and dumped it where he left his. I felt his head rest lightly on top of mine, and to help keep me calm, I matched my breathing to his.

"You're not alone, Bella. You have a whole new family at Volturi, and a lot of new friends, too." I nodded because he was right. "Emmett swears you're the coolest girl you've ever met. Alice thinks you're too genuine to be real and Edward…well, he's Edward."

I laughed into his chest, feeling his chuckle rumble through me, too.

"You're gonna be fine, Bella. We're all here for you. I mean, I say that, but you might not like us." We both laughed again and I was so relieved he had lightened the tension and ignored the fact I nearly broke down on him.

"I do. It's okay, I think I like you all…maybe…" He snorted quietly because he knew what I was getting at.

"Edward takes a while to get used to. He isn't like the rest of us, but as his best friend I keep faith that his heart is in there somewhere."

I pulled back at the sudden melancholy in Jasper's voice and saw the sadness and resignation in his eyes. I took it all in and realized that Jasper didn't "put up" with Edward's antics just because they were friends. He was worried about him, and it wasn't a stretch of the imagination to know that Jasper knew everything Edward had been through.

"He's lucky to have you, you know that, right?"

He nodded with a sweet smile on his face before pulling his arm back and settling on his own side of the car.

"What do you want to do for the rest of the day?" Jasper asked, but Chris interrupted.

"Sorry, sir, but you have to go pick up your suit for the ceremony tomorrow night." Through the rear-view mirror, I saw his ears tinge pink, and I smiled.

"It's okay. Could you just drop me back at the studio?" Jasper shook his head, and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Come with me? We can make an afternoon of it…some shopping always makes you feel better, right?"

"Are you sure you're straight?" The words blurted out of me before I could control them and I clapped my hand to my mouth in horror.

Thankfully, Jasper only laughed heartily before winking. "I'm sure, Bella. I'm sure." Something about the look he gave me, and the tone of his voice, made me blush and I fixed my eyes out of the window as Chris took us to our newest destination.

Sure enough, we spent nearly three hours wandering down Rodeo Drive. I was sure Jasper was more amused by my reaction to all the shops he took me into, and the way I kept looking for prices on everything that caught my eye. I thought I was embarrassing him at one point, but he only threw his arm around my shoulders and laughed lightly.

When girls came up to him and asked for an autograph, I slinked away as stealthily as I could, but even then I received a few glares from waiting fans. It bothered me that they were angry at me for me spending time with a guy they clearly loved, but they didn't know me. When it kept happening I just decided to stay away from them all, and I tried not to let their hostility get to me me.

I tried on two dresses in _Ralph Lauren_ while he entertained another group of girls, but he surprised me when we were leaving me by insisting on buying the one I hadn't chosen. He had been paying attention to me even though he had been swamped by girls batting their eyelashes, and it made me smile because he was invested in our fun day out despite his celebrity.

My first pay cheque had made my jaw hit the floor. I knew how much it was going to be when I signed my contract, but to see seven hundred thousand in writing when I went to the bank and checked my statement was mind blowing. Especially when it went in on top of the near hundred thousand that was in there already.

It turned out Felix had been right; I had been paid, quite heftily, for the songs other artists and films had taken off me. Renee told me – shortly – that I had always had access to that money, but how did I know if she was telling the truth? I had access to it _now_, sure, but what about before she went to the bank for me?

Unlike when I had gone out with Heidi, I wanted to buy myself something, and this time I wasn't against Jasper buying me something. Not that I had much of a choice, he had it bought and in the bag before I realized what he had done.

My bubble shattered the next day when our excursion hit the web. Well, actually, it hit the web the same day, but I didn't know about it until Heidi pulled me aside and let me know. She was scared of how I was going to react. She probably thought I'd freak out or break down, but I only laughed at the way they made it seem like Jasper and I were an item .

"I'm gonna be talked about sooner or later, right?" I asked her. She looked at me dubiously before smiling and nodding.

"You're going to be huge, Bella!" We both laughed, and I made my way to my own little studio with a smile on my face. Needless to say I got more work done that day.

"Did you have a good night last night, Bells?" Jamie asked me when we were finishing up.

I frowned. "Not really, no. There wasn't anything on the TV." When he and Seth rolled about laughing I got even more confused.

"You have seen the papers today, right?"

I nodded, not knowing what Jasper had to do with my night. Not knowing, until it dawned on me what he was getting at. I hit his shoulder, hard, and scowled at him.

"You believe what you read? It's Jasper Whitlock for God's sake! Like anything would happen there. He took me shopping to cheer me up, okay?"

Jamie's face fell as he looked at me, and I knew he was sorry before he said it. "Is everything okay?" He pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear with a smile, and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm good now."

It wasn't spoken about after that. Jasper joined Heidi, Felix and I every day for lunch either in her father's restaurant or in the canteen in the building. It was called a canteen but it certainly wasn't mushy or runny food. What they served was as high class as some of the restaurants on the strip with mouth-watering flavours and dozens of meals a day to choose from.

It was like we became our own little gang, and I finally felt myself sinking into life.

It all stopped, however, when Edward made his return. That day I heard his voice, Jasper didn't show for lunch. Come to think of it, in the week Edward had been back, I hadn't seen any of them – not even Emmett wandering about looking for something to amuse him.

Felix got busier – fielding Edward's demands according to Heidi – and so it was only the two of us for lunch each day. We started eating take out in my little studio with Jamie and Seth working away beside us.

I had Jasper's number, but I wasn't sure if we were at that friend stage where I got to text and ask if he was okay. So I ignored it. My new iPhone sat in my pocket unused except for when Heidi got in touch, and I carried on with my little routine.

I went to work. I spoke to Heidi, I laughed with Jamie and Seth, I missed Edward, and I wondered where Jasper had gone.

Did he only hang out with me because Edward hadn't been around? Did Edward coming back have something to do with his sudden disappearance? Was it shallow of me to think Edward didn't want his best friend hanging out with me?

The piece of note paper that was shoved under the door of the studio broke me from my thoughts. Jamie looked at it curiously as I bent to pick it up. It wasn't any handwriting I knew, but I saw my name crop up, and it drew me in.

When I opened the door there was no one in the corridor, and I could only hear muffled voices coming from Edward's mixing booth. That was the only time I ever knew he was even in the building.

"Well, come on then! Read it!" Jamie's impatient voice made me giggle because he sounded like a little boy.

Not knowing what it contained, I read it to myself instead, my eyes widening and my jaw dropping with each distorted, scribbled line.

"_You'll never make me stay,_

_So take your weight off of me._

_I know your every move,_

_So won't you just let me be?_

_I've been here times before_

_But I was blind to see_

_That you seduce every man_

_This time you won't seduce me."_

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Need to say that the lyrics at the end are NOT what is in the note. You'll get that next chapter :)**

**Song without Googling it? I can say that you ALL know it, but the lyrics may stump you :P E's not very happy tho is he? :O**

**Can I just tell you all that my 30 Seconds to Mars Hurricane video inspired fic is up! You can find it both on here and Twilighted :P our penname here is devilsliveindakota and it's simply called Hurricane :P It's under my usual name on Twilighted :P I hope some of you check it out and let us know what you think :P This is the only way I can get the word out at the moment :P**

**And if you have the time, review this too :P Just so's I know what you're thinking :P **

**Love ya! See you over on twitter or my blog for all the goss and teasers :)**

**Sarah xx**


	15. Riddles

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**No the song at the end of the last chapter wasn't what was in the note...the note has arrived :P**

**Massive thank you to every single person who reviewed :P I tried to get back to all the ones who asked me something :P I appreciated and recieved all of them :)**

**I got an amazing response to the teaser I sent out for this chapter, so I really hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did writing it :):)**

**I disclaim.**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen – Riddles**

My eyes scanned the paper twice more before I sank down onto the chair Seth had vacated. I wasn't sure what to make of what I was reading, what I was holding. Why had it been given to me?

It clearly wasn't written for me to ever see, so how had it somehow made its way under my door?

"So hard to find my way, now that I'm all on my own.

I saw you just the other day, my how you have grown.

Cast my memory back there, Lord

Sometime I'm overcome thinking about

Making love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you

My brown eyed girl, you my brown eyed girl."

_Beautiful_

_Blushing_

_Bashful_

_Breathtaking_

_Brown-eyed_

_Brunette_

**Betrayer.**

What shocked me the most was that it was all scored out bar that one word – _betrayer_.

It was clearly Edward's; the song and the alliteration exercise he had given himself was so similar to the tasks I engaged in when I was writing.

My brain didn't even register all the compliments he had bestowed on me in his mind because he thought I had betrayed him. Even the pen-strokes made it clear he was mad.

It made _me_ mad. Why had he given it to me? Why had he shoved something under my door that ended so hatefully? Something that gave me an insight into his head when he had been fighting to keep me out?

I was on my feet and yanking the door open before it really registered what I was doing. Jamie called after me, but by the time he'd followed me out, I was already at Edward's frosted-glass door.

Did I knock? Were you supposed to just walk in? I knew he was in there; the microphone had obviously been left on in his recording booth because I could hear him from where I stood.

It wasn't until I had the door open and was stepping in that I realized he wasn't alone. Not that any of his "team" were in the booth – no, it was a female giggle that floated to my ears.

It was a female giggle that made my stomach churn as I stopped in his empty mixing booth.

It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the dim light in his recording room, and I bit my lip to stop the gasp that wanted to burst out of me.

Edward was sprawled on his black leather sofa, his legs spread and stretched out in front of him. That wasn't what bothered me, however. On top – yes,_ atop_ him – was a leggy blonde, her hair fanned out like a curtain around their heads as she straddled him.

I couldn't see that clearly, but it was fairly obvious what I had walked in on. Edward's hands were nowhere to be seen and heat flooded my cheeks when I heard her moan quietly into his neck.

My feet were rooted to the spot, incapable of leaving. The crumpled piece of paper in my hand no longer resembled the dog-eared sheet it had been when it slid under my door.

Finally getting a hold of myself, I stepped forward to leave the paper on top of the mixing panel for Edward to see, and cringed when the floor squeaked beneath my foot. What the hell were the chances?

The blonde bombshell didn't even notice, but Edward did. His face appeared over her shoulder, his eyes locking onto mine almost immediately. Fuck, I was screwed.

"Angela," he breathed, his eyes screwed up so that there were deep wrinkles in his otherwise flawless skin. Ah, so she had a name. I didn't know what made me think it, but she didn't seem like an Angela. Angela didn't suit her. It should have been something exotic and unique, like her.

Mortified and still angry, I turned on my heel and yanked the door open.

Angela's answering "what?" followed me before the door shut and I was back in the corridor. My chest was heaving and the colour was refusing to drain from the surface of my skin as I shakily made my way back to my room.

I cursed myself for just waltzing in. I hated myself for being caught. I hated him for having given me something so hateful in the first place. But most of all, I hated the way my heart clenched painfully in my chest at the sight of him making out with a gorgeous woman in the privacy of his own studio.

Even from the back she was statuesque and lithe. Two things I certainly wasn't.

If I had been feeling better about my looks, it was all gone to pot now.

I didn't stop when my door came into reach, however, instead choosing to have my lunch an hour early. If Edward could disappear for eighteen days without anyone caring, then I was damn well going to choose my own lunch hours.

The sound of a door opening behind me made my heart-rate spike, but I kept my head up and my feet straight as I headed for the stairs.

"Bella." He didn't shout it; he barely even stressed it as he began following me down the corridor. His blasé nature about the whole situation had my hands shaking and my blood boiling.

Had he set me up? Slipped something under my door that he knew would get a reaction just so I could walk in on him and the bimbo? Was his sole aim in life to humiliate me?

"Bella." He had the nerve to sound impatient, and my overwhelming need to get it over with made me stop abruptly.

"What?" I snapped.

When I turned around I found his eyes scanning me from my toes upwards. He wasn't eyeing me up – it almost seemed like he was checking for something, like he was looking for differences. But that couldn't be right, normal people did that when they went years without seeing someone, not three and a half weeks.

Yeah, I had counted, _again_.

Even when he reached my waiting gaze, his eyes flicked around my face before finally settling. He cocked his head as if he was waiting for something – maybe he had forgotten he was the one that followed me.

"What, Edward? I don't have all day…" Technically he could take as long as he wanted, but if he realized that, he never mentioned it.

"You came to see me." He shrugged. "What was it you wanted?"

For a minute I was scrambled. With the way he was looking at me – patiently, _softly_ – I couldn't actually remember.

It wasn't until his eyes flicked down to my right hand that the paper became apparent to me. I hadn't left it for him like I was supposed to.

"I don't know what your game is, but I don't want this. In fact, do you know what I realized in the last few minutes?" He shook his head reluctantly, probably noticing the way I was about to blow up. "I don't give a fuck what you think about me. You walk around like you own the place; you only use people when you need something from them, you lie, and you treat people – me, for example – with less respect than you'd treat a pet."

His eyes widened momentarily at my outburst before he settled back into his usual impassive stance. Angry that he wouldn't even retaliate, I stepped forward and shoved his stupid little note into his chest, adding extra strength just to bring my point home.

"This," I pressed it into his chest, my eyes trained on my hand and nothing else, "is yours. I don't know why you gave it to me, or why you even wrote it in the first place, but it better not happen again."

His hand slowly came up, and his fingers closed around the sheaf, brushing against mine in the process. I wanted to believe he did it deliberately, but why would he have?

I shook my head, trying to release myself from his scent and warmth. There was no way I was going to look up, no way was I going to let myself fall into his hypnotizing gaze. With a deep breath, I pulled back and turned around, my head spinning from the sheer presence that was Edward Cullen.

My hands were still trembling – this time from the disbelief that I had actually just stood up to the man who had been haunting my thoughts.

To my disappointment, he didn't stop me, shout after me, or even make a sound as I reached the stairs and started my descent. Had I actually been hoping for an apology? Just because he'd said sorry before didn't mean I could automatically expect it again – especially from a man who was used to getting his way with little regard to anyone else.

When I finally, wobblingly, reached the foyer, my disbelief turned to shock when my eyes fell on a familiar person.

"Jasper?"

He looked incredibly uncomfortable when he turned from Heidi to me, his smile sheepish as he sent me a silly little wave.

Where had the warm hugs and pecks on the cheek gone? Or the way he had come to throw his arm around my shoulder and steer me off to lunch?

"Okay…" I muttered, my eyes landing on an equally befuddled Heidi.

"Lunch already, Bella?" she asked, her eyes still scanning the page in front of her.

"Yeah, I had to get out." Maybe it was because Jasper was acting so weird or maybe I just had to get it off my chest, but my mouth opened and Edward's name slipped out before I could stop it. "Edward and I had another little run-in…highlight of my week, didn't you know?"

Heidi laughed lightly, but I could see the concern in her eyes when she looked back up. I shook my head slightly, letting her know we'd talk about it later.

Jasper however, had gone rigid and was staring a hole in the wall behind my shoulder. Even someone looking at us from across the reception area would have been able to pick up on the tension between us. The phone ringing only seemed to heighten it when Heidi answered and left us to ourselves.

"So…" I started, sounding like a moron. "Did you decide on a new project?" It was the only thing my mind could come up with to explain his absence over the last eight days. He'd talked at great length about the few offers he'd been made in regards to new films, but he had been stuck on which direction he should go the last time we'd spoken.

"Uh, yeah actually," he replied, his smile returning and the weight lifting from his shoulders. "It starts in a couple of months."

I furrowed my brow in confusion. A couple of months meant he was still pottering around doing nothing at the moment. That made no sense at all. I didn't know what made me think it was my business, but I had missed him – sort of – and I wanted to know where he'd been.

"Busy week?" I asked instead. He seemed to catch on to what I was getting at because his shoulders sagged before he answered me.

"Bella, I-" He broke off suddenly, and the sound of footsteps coming towards us made me turn and look behind me.

Edward was sulking across the marble floor, his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes on the ground. His dark jeans looked looser on him, but I put it down to a different style as my eyes looked him over properly. His hair was shorter, and I almost wanted to pout at the shocking absence of his usually disarrayed hair. My worry for him grew when I noticed his t-shirt, too, was hanging off his frame, and his forearms looked thin as I traced them with my eyes.

He'd only been gone from my life for a little over three weeks. He'd lost a lot of weight in his time away, and it wasn't weight he needed to lose. He almost looked sick.

When he lifted his head – as if he knew my eyes were on him – I gasped. His skin was pale and sallow, his eyes bloodshot and the dark circles under them seemed to overtake his features. When his tongue poked out and quickly licked his lips, I noticed they were chapped – and not in a good way. My previous notion of not noticing anything in my anger had made me unprepared for how terrible he looked.

What the hell had happened to him while he'd been gone?

When he stopped beside us, his eyes flicked to Jasper, and I took it as my cue to leave.

"I'll, uh, leave you to it." My bravado in taking on Edward was gone, my stomach tying itself in knots as I tried to work out what the hell was going on in my life.

Jasper avoided me like the plague, Edward looked sick, thought I was beautiful and thought I had betrayed him. My brain was starting to hurt with all the unanswered questions I had surrounding me.

"No! Bella, can we…" Edward jerked his head in the general direction of the lunch room, but he couldn't mean what I thought he did. Instead, I stood there looking ridiculous, waiting for him to clear up the misunderstanding. "Talk…I need…" He shook his head as if the words were causing him actual pain.

He was looking at me expectantly, and I just stared right back. I think I was supposed to move…or say something, but the puzzle that was Edward just stuck me to the spot. His grimace when he realized he might actually have to ask again threw me into action.

"Sure," I mumbled quietly, taking the initiative and wandering after the wafting smell of food cooking.

I was very aware of his presence behind me, and I chanced a look over my shoulder, pretending to check that he was following me, and found his eyes once again glued to the floor. Yeah, I was sort of disappointed.

I stopped at a random table, not knowing if we were to sit and talk or stand and shout at one another and he'd simply taken us away from witnesses. I got my answer when he threw himself into a chair and looked at me expectantly. I think even he knew that I tried to put as much space between us as possible as I sat on the opposite side of the large round table.

It took him a couple of minutes to stop staring at his hands, and I was about to remind him he wanted to talk when he looked up at me and opened his mouth.

"It wasn't me." Well, that didn't exactly mean much.

"What wasn't?" I sighed, as if talking to a five-year old.

"The note…if you can even call it that. I didn't shove that under your door, Bella." His eyes were both beseeching and timid as he looked at me. It made me think he was embarrassed.

"Well, someone did, so I suggest you find out who." I rubbed my temples with my fingers, knowing that my conversations and interactions with Edward would always take us in circles.

"I'll deal with it," he growled, and I looked at him in surprise. "It wasn't something I wanted you to see, Bella. Someone is just trying to cause trouble." His fists clenched on the top of the table, and I couldn't take my eyes off the straining muscles in his biceps. I frowned, though, because it drew my attention back to his thinness.

When we lapsed into silence, my worry for him seemed to seep out unawares. "You look like hell, Edward." He laughed humourlessly, his eyes boring into mine. I kept my chin up, unwavering as I let him find the questions and concern there.

"I stopped drinking…and I'm not sleeping…but I guess you knew that?" He shrugged, trying to play it down.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply. I did know he wasn't sleeping; his nightmares were keeping him unsettled in the darkened hours.

"I wanted…" He shook his head again, raking his fingers through his hair. "Why am I telling you this?" I remained silent because I was pretty sure he was talking to himself.

I made to stand up, but his arm shot out across the table in response, his hand landing short of mine across the expansive table-top. Looking at him expectantly, he still didn't say anything and I sighed, annoyed at his split personality.

"You don't owe me anything, Edward. Let's just avoid each other ,shall we?" My tone was bitter and it caught his attention.

"I'm sorry, I needed to…I wasn't ready…"

"God, ready for what?" I nearly screamed in frustration. "What's your excuse this time? I told you already, I don't give a damn! Avoid me if you want, hole yourself up with your girlfriend for all I care, but don't then expect me to come running when you actually decide I'm worthy of your attention! I've only known you for a month, Edward, but in that time you've treated me worse than nearly everyone else in my life! And that's saying something!"

My chest was heaving and my legs were wobbly as I stood up to my full height. For the second time in one day, Edward was completely taken aback by my ire.

"To see you!" He shouted before carrying on more calmly. "I wasn't ready to see you…I'm not…Bella, I can't just turn it off! I needed time to assure myself that you're…" He stood up mid shout, and was then towering over the table as his sentence once again petered off.

My head was spinning because he was making less and less sense the more he said.

"You're not making any sense! Maybe you should go back to the alcohol! At least then you can actually say what's on your mind, whether I want to hear it or not!"

Turning and fleeing for the second time in barely a half hour, my feet carried me quickly out of the hall and into the marbled foyer. The sun was shining through the floor-to-ceiling windows, glinting off the lavish gilding around the walls and the gorgeous chandeliers taking up the space above my head.

The light and atmosphere in the inviting reception didn't seem to match my mood. Edward had angered, confused, infuriated and intrigued me all at the same time. I'd never had so many "altercations" before – yeah, it was only two – but they had my heart racing and my mind whirring as it tried to sort through all the gibberish Edward had spouted in his smooth British accent.

I couldn't make heads or tails of it as I wandered back over to Heidi's spot behind her high silver desk. He had tried to answer what he had been preparing himself for. He hadn't been ready to see me – why? He hadn't apologized for everything else I had clued him in on, but he had been set on explaining why he had avoided me.

Heidi's smile fell from her face when she noticed mine, and I felt like I'd gone backwards instead of forwards. It reminded me of my first day at_ Volturi_, when I'd gotten upset over nothing and she'd seen me in a pathetic state.

I wasn't going to let Edward have that power over me again.

I had to get a grip. Just because he couldn't make sense, couldn't tell me or trust me enough to tell me what was going on his head, didn't mean my day had to be ruined. I made up my mind on the spot that I'd forget Edward and get back into my routine. I wanted my friend back and I hoped Heidi would be able to help me out.

"Do you know where Jay went?" I asked her. She arched her eyebrow at me before smiling slyly.

In answer she only nodded her head in the direction of all the couches and chairs on the other side of the winding staircase. When I stretched my neck, I could just make out his light-wash jeans and brown boots, and I set off in his direction, determined to get my lunch partner back.

His head snapped up when he heard my approaching footfalls, my heels clacking loudly on the smooth, solid ground beneath my feet. His eyes flickered almost nervously in the direction Edward had taken me before settling back on me with a faint smile.

"We're going for lunch, Jay. I want to know why Edward told you to stay away from me." His eyebrows almost hit his hairline as the first of my thoughts sorted itself in my head. I finally had at least one answer to all the questions circling in my head.

When I held out my hand his smile turned into a smirk, and he hauled himself out of the deep sofa. I didn't blush as his fingers slipped into the spaces between mine. I didn't falter when I pulled him in the direction of the door, and I didn't stop when my eyes swept over Edward standing in the doorway to the canteen.

I was only thankful that Jasper never noticed him as he slipped his sunglasses over his eyes and led me through the mob of paparazzi outside the door.

They had been camped outside _Volturi_ since that first afternoon we spent together alone, and we'd only been snapped together twice – _with friends_ – since then. This was different. We were alone, holding hands, and he was shielding me from both flashing bulbs and shouted questions.

There was no way it was going undocumented this time, and I felt a fluttering in my chest – an almost panic – when I realized I'd be splashed all over the internet in under an hour, again.

It hadn't occurred to me when I pulled him to his feet. Or when I demanded he take me for lunch. He would have known, though. Jasper was used to that sort of attention; he had already entered the building so he would have known they were there.

Maybe he didn't care about the rumours.

After all, we both knew I was no love interest. We were just two friends who liked having lunch together.

It wasn't our fault that the world couldn't see the same thing as me.

"_What hurts the most, is being so close,_

_And having so much to say,_

_And watching you walk away,_

_And never knowing, what could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you,_

_Is what I was trying to do."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Don't forget that all lyrics are EPOV - your only EPOV ;P**

**Why did he say Angela? Angela isn't blonde...ooooooh, a clue! And the only one you're getting ;P**

**What do we think? What team are we on now?**

**Review and let me know please :)**

**Follow me on twitter and my blog for all teasers and gossip :) Teaser's usually go up a week before the chapter :P**

**My new fic Hurricane is up! Our penname is devilsliveindakota on here, and I'd much appreciated if you checked it out and pushed up our review count of two :P**

**See y'all soon! x**


	16. The First Kiss

**Author's Chpater Notes:**

**I suck, I know! However, you guys don't. You've blown me away with your response to this fic, and I love you all for it. I sincerely hope I didn't miss anyone when I was getting back to your reviews :) **

**I'm pretty certain you guys will be split down the middle with this chapter, but I ask you to keep in mind this fic is an E/B pairing and a HEA :P**

**Onwards!**

* * *

**Chapter 16 – The First Kiss**

I ignored the way my heart hammered in my chest and the way my palm became moist in Jasper's hand. If he noticed he didn't seem to care because his grip only tightened, as if he could feel my pulse thudding in my wrist. He was trying to keep me calm, already knowing that I wasn't used to cameras and their flashes in my face or the continuous shouts of photographers in my ears.

I tried to keep my eyes on the ground, adamant that I not trip and embarrass not only myself, but Jasper as well, in front of the eyes of the world. We had been snapped together before, I was aware of the speed in which media pictures made their way to the net and thus the world. I couldn't say it didn't bother me, but I knew that if I wanted to be a part of this world, then I would have to get used to it.

The life I wanted – the _career _I wanted – hopefully meant that all of this attention would be shone on me – _for me_ – one day. It wouldn't be because I was on the arm of a hot Hollywood actor, but because I was the newest, hottest thing on the scene myself.

Jasper blocked the advances of the more insistent paparazzi as I climbed into the back of a blacked-out SUV. I reminded myself to ask why his car had changed in the three weeks I had known him. I felt momentary relief in the back of the dark vehicle as Jasper lithely climbed in behind me and safely shut us in.

The cameras continued to flash, and the questions continued to fire out at us, but behind the safety of aluminium and glass I let myself relax into the leather seats. My face flushed hot when I felt Jasper's arm secure itself around my shoulders, but when he gently pulled me to him, I allowed myself to go, sinking into his comfort and familiarity.

His affections weren't new, but something about the way he hummed contentedly when I rested my head on the front of his shoulder told me this was different. He had initiated all contact in our relationship before – usually just chaste kisses on the forehead or cheek when he bade me goodbye or the quick hugs when we met up.

I battled down the negative thoughts - the ones that were telling me he was only doing it as a front. Why would he, though? Most of the stories I heard were about celebs shying away from human contact in front of waiting paparazzi. They tried to keep their friendships and relationships a secret, but Jasper seemed content to have them think whatever they wanted.

Ultimately, this reasoning confused me because it was clear that only a few words with Edward had him ready to abandon our relationship altogether. That thought brought me up short, and I pulled away from him, ignoring the sad sigh that escaped his lips when his arm fell to the empty space between us.

I shook my head to try gather some semblance of order in my brain, but all I served to do was make myself dizzy. I clutched the edge of the leather and noticed Jasper lean towards me from the corner of my vision.

"Bella?" His voice was soft and gentle, and he didn't know that it was only making it harder to be mad at him.

"I'm okay. I guess I just need to eat." My explanation didn't seem to make him feel any better. He took my hand in his and checked my pulse with his cool fingers before sweeping soothing circles into the skin on the back of it.

"Where are we heading?" I asked quietly, trying to mask the way his simple touch had my heart thrumming in my chest. It had never felt like this before with him. The only time my heart raced like that was when Edward was near - and that thought alone made me feel uncomfortable. Somehow, despite there being nothing wrong with it, I didn't feel right knowing I was attracted – strongly – to two completely different guys at the same time. Maybe it was because they were best friends.

"I thought we could go to mine, and I could make you something," he answered.

I whipped my head around, shocked that he would be the one to suggest something that was so normal. He was taking me to his home to make me lunch.

_Huh._

"Plus, we need to talk, and it would be easier if we weren't in public."

I was surprised by how much he seemed to have thought this through, and I only nodded as I looked at him. He smiled sheepishly, the gesture making him look both nervous and innocent, and just like that, I was back to feeling okay again.

It was just Jasper; we were friends. I didn't know why I was letting myself get all worked up over nothing.

"So I get to see la casa de Whitlock, then? Does that mean I'm part of some exclusive club of women who have been lucky enough to see the inside of your secret lair?"

I wanted to kick myself after I managed to shut my mouth, but thankfully Jasper only laughed before looking at me…fondly?

"It's no secret where I live, Bella. There are men with cameras camped outside the gates almost twenty-four-seven. As for women, I'm pretty sure you're in stellar company. My grandma, ma, sister and best friend from home are the only ones who've been here."

He counted them off on his fingers, and I watched as he scoured his brain for more, waving his fifth finger around until he decided that four was his total number. I giggled lightly at his antics and blushed when he winked at me.

"Three family members and a best friend? Stiff competition. What does that make me? I'll need to start my own gang because I don't belong in either of those." I meant it teasingly, but Jasper's face became incredibly serious as he looked at me. His mouth opened and closed a few times until he decided on what he wanted to say.

I sat there watching him, wanting to tell him that I didn't want him censoring his thoughts. I wanted him to speak to me as if we were equals and he had nothing to hide, but it was clear that we had some progress to make before we got to that point.

He was about to say whatever he had decided on when his driver interrupted to tell us we had arrived. I was sure the surprise was evident on both of our faces because neither of us had realized we had even stopped moving.

Jasper smiled widely before opening the door and jumping out gracefully, turning back and holding his hand out for me. We were in a garage, three other cars parked in the space, and as I looked around, it was obvious it was a one-person garage. Jasper must have lived in a house, having decided not to conform to the invisible rules of bachelors living in penthouses or sprawling apartments in the city.

_What if he wasn't a bachelor?_ The thought hit me almost painfully.

I didn't understand why it bothered me so much. Just because we were now friends didn't mean he trusted me enough to tell me about a girlfriend he was keeping secret from the world's prying eyes.

However, it wasn't that that bothered me. It was the simple thought of him having a girlfriend that was niggling away in my chest.

I dropped my hand from his when we got to the internal door and wrapped my arms around my middle. Jasper turned to look at me quizzically, but I found I couldn't even meet his gaze. With yet another sigh, he typed in a code, and the door in front of us clicked open quietly.

The door led us into the kitchen where my breath caught in the back of my throat. Gleaming counters and expansive spaces met my eyes and literally knocked my estimations of Jasper Whitlock out of the ballpark. There were dishes in the sink, the fruit bowl was overflowing with a multitude of colours and sizes, there were cookies sitting on the counter covered by a clear dish, and there was an overwhelming smell of home and comfort.

When my eyes found Jasper's, I noticed that his attention was solely on me, as if he was waiting nervously for a reaction. I didn't understand why I had to ask, but the first question out of my mouth took him by surprise.

"The chef, is she female?"

Jasper was rightfully confused as he slowly shook his head.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply. I fixed my eyes on the cookies, and without consciously realizing it, I made my way across the kitchen and perched myself on a bar stool opposite Jasper.

It was too quiet, too still, but I couldn't find it in me to look up from the interesting spot in the granite worktop.

"Wait…" he said after a few minutes of which I was sure he spent staring at me. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I let out an audible sigh before shrugging pathetically. "Nothing - I don't know. I guess I don't know how I should feel, and for a minute I thought you had lied to me and that maybe Edward wasn't an asshole, and you were all the same, because I mean, how would I even know? But then I told myself to stop being stupid because you're not like that, but how can I be sure? We barely even know each other, and up until two hours ago you were ready to just forget I even existed because of whatever Edward said to you, and I thought maybe you were just saying things you thought I'd want to hear. But when I actually asked you out loud it just made me feel stupid and now I'm really embarrassed, and I have no idea what you're thinking because you're really quiet."

I gasped in some air, my skin heating up to inferno mode as I realized what I had just spewed out. I couldn't escape – I didn't even know where exactly we were – so I sat there, eyes downcast, waiting for Jasper to laugh.

"Okay…" He dragged out his answer into two long syllables and they hung in the air between us.

"God, I'm sorry. Look, can we forget I said any of that?"

"Nope." He made his way around the island in the middle of the room and sat on the stool next to me.

"You thought I lied to you…about the people who've been here?"

I nodded, only fractionally moving my eyes – from the counter to the fridge behind his shoulder.

"It bothered you that I had a chef? And that she might be female?"

I nodded again, despite the fact that it sounded ludicrous.

"And I seriously messed things up over the Edward issue, didn't I?"

I didn't need to answer the final question, because we both know the answer to it.

"Why does my having a chef change things?"

I couldn't have been sure, but I thought I heard a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I walked in here, and it was so different from what I was expecting. I've only seen the kitchen, and it already felt homey, and it made you seem that much better. I had this crazy notion that you were completely down to earth – a normal guy who does his own dishes and bakes when he has days off. I know it's ridiculous, but I'm new to all this and thinking you were more like me made it easier to understand why I'm even here in the first place."

Before I could react, Jasper's fingers were below my chin and turning my head so that I couldn't escape his gaze. There was a wide smile stretched across his lips and even his eyes sparkled with mirth. I couldn't help but feel like I'd missed out on some private joke.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." He clucked his tongue loudly, his smile never leaving his features, and I became both confused and humiliated.

"Jasper, don't. I know it was stupid, okay? I'm young and naïve, and I have no idea what I'm getting myself into or what I'm really doing. Don't make it worse." I didn't honestly think I was too naïve or childlike, but I had heard it enough times from external sources that it wasn't a stretch to believe that was how others saw me.

When I tried to pull back, his thumb and fingers tightened on my chin, his other hand anchoring down on my forearm, keeping me in place.

"So, what would you say if I told you I don't have a maid…or a chef…or a gardener…or a pool boy…in fact, the only thing I do have is a driver, simply because it's easier for safety."

My eyes widened as he continued, and I felt my blush receding from my chest and neck. I only smiled, hoping it was a rhetorical question because I would only embarrass myself if I had to string together an intelligent sounding answer.

"I've never lied to you, Bella. We've only known each other a few weeks, but what you see is what you get with me. I'm not putting on a front or acting like someone else. I don't lead a normal life, but I do like to think I'm a normal guy. The only difference is you'll be photographed and talked about if you date me."

The word "date" made goosebumps erupt over my skin. Or maybe it was the way he was looking at me, coupled with the way his fingers were slowly drawing patterns on the skin they touched.

"As for why you're here – well, I'd like to think we're friends. I don't want to embarrass you, Bella, believe me when I tell you that isn't my intention, but I will tell you that friends might not be enough for me." He laughed lightly before shaking his head. "That _was_ a lie and I apologize. I don't want to be just friends with you, Bella, but I don't know how to take this further without pressuring you or making you uncomfortable. You need to tell me what you want."

For what felt like the millionth time in the space of a couple of hours, my heart was racing, my palms were clammy, and my throat had closed off completely. I couldn't remember the last time someone had been so frighteningly honest with me – and it was just that, frightening. I couldn't find a shred of dishonesty in his eyes when I finally let myself be caught, and the words tumbled from my mouth before I could think them through.

"I want you to kiss me."

The door was firmly shut on the voice in the back of my head telling me I had made the wrong decision. The majority of me wanted this – wanted to know what it was like to be kissed, to be wanted and liked. I wasn't going to throw myself a pity party about the past; I just decided I was going to enjoy the present and the unbelievable situation I found myself in.

Jasper Whitlock, the hottest actor in Hollywood, sought after by women – and men – everywhere, wanted to date me.

_Little ol' me._

I couldn't help the grin that crept across my face when Jasper started to lean in, and I giggled when his kiss landed on my smiling lips. It must have looked incredibly awkward, but I didn't care.

"Stop laughing at me. You're killing my ego," he growled before winding his fingers into the hair at the back of my head and pulling me across to him. I had to stand quickly to stop myself from tumbling off the stool, and I stood between his open legs.

His eyes flitted across my face, taking in the sincerity in my eyes, the apprehension in the way I bit my lip and the heat burning in my cheeks. I nodded infinitesimally, and it seemed that had been all he was waiting for.

He leaned in slowly, his warm breath gently caressing the parts of me it reached. When his eyes fluttered shut, and I let mine follow suit and whimpered when his moist lips finally met mine. He pecked me on the mouth once and pulled back before doing it again, more insistently.

He held our heads together, our mouths not moving, as if he knew I needed a few seconds to compose myself. He was giving me the time to push him away, to change my mind, but in the stillness, I decided the opposite.

I rested my forearms on his shoulders and let my hands clasp together at the back of his neck. During my movement, Jasper maintained our closeness and pressed forward again. When I hesitantly opened my mouth, his tongue slipped between my lips and met my own.

He groaned and tightened his grip on me, his legs clamping down on either side of me to keep me in place – as if I was going anywhere. His kiss became more insistent, his tongue more seeking as he explored my mouth.

My heart picked up in speed, and my entire body was heating up as his right hand tightly gripped my hip. His fingers found bare skin between the top of my skirt and the hem of my shirt, and I gasped at the intimacy of his touch.

I trembled from head to toe when he bit down on my lip, an even louder groan erupting from his chest. The sound alone made me want to be closer, and I leaned in, using Jasper completely to keep me upright. He moved his arms so that they were enclosed around my body, crushing me to his chest despite the fact I was standing and he was sitting.

"Stop," he groaned. "We need to stop." He sounded breathless, and that alone made me confident that our kiss was as good for him as it was for me. I rubbed my thighs together as surreptitiously as I could, not understanding completely why I had to do it.

I guess I knew_ why_ I had to do it; I had just never realized a simple kiss could make me feel that way.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine as we both caught our breath. With space between us, I unclasped my hands and let them trail over his shoulders and down his body. I could feel them shaking slightly as I encountered his hard body beneath my touch, and I sighed contentedly when I let them come to rest on his thighs.

Only, he tensed under my touch, and I pulled my head back, wondering what I had done wrong. My hands were only sitting there. I flexed my fingers and gasped when I felt what was beneath me. Granted, there could have been something in his pocket, but by the way he hissed at my movement, it wasn't hard to realize what I was feeling.

_Well, it was hard._

"Oh," I squeaked, equal parts intrigued and panicked. I made to pull away completely, to give him time to compose himself, but his hand closed over my wrist and held the culprit fast in his grip, right where it had been.

I didn't know what made me do it, but instinct drove me on as my fingers closed around the long shape under the rough denim.

"Fuck, Bella." Jasper's head fell back, his eyes screwed tightly together as if he was suffering great pain. With one slight flick of his wrist, my hand slid down his length and back up, causing him to groan the loudest he had since he began our kissing session.

But just as quickly, he snapped his head up and pulled our now joined hands away from…_that._

"You have no idea how good that feels, but I'm not an asshole. We need to do this the right way. _I _need to do this the right way."

I nodded in understanding, smiling at his apparent concern for me.

Without either of us needing to say anything specific, he was letting me know he understood just how new I was to this. I hadn't been talking about the dating scene, or the Hollywood scene. He knew I meant in general. Whether or not he knew he had just given me my first kiss – my first proper kiss – was yet to be seen.

"Just…just give me a couple of minutes, yeah?"

I nodded and giggled, delighting in the way he smiled and laughed with me. I leaned in on impulse and pressed my lips to his, wanting more, before pulling back and settling back into my own stool, despite wanting nothing more than to climb onto his.

"How about I actually make the lunch I promised you?" He suggested with a warm chuckle.

I nodded silently, watching with a smile on my face as he settled into his own kitchen and started working diligently. There was something about seeing him so calm and comfortable that made me feel the same, and every time he looked up at me with a wink or a small smile, I felt more and more content, too.

The lyrics I'd already written but had been struggling writing a melody to just that afternoon seemed to float in on a bubble of newness and settled themselves right beside the jitteriness I felt every time Jasper looked at me.

For just an afternoon, thoughts of Edward didn't plague my mind, and I remained blissfully ignorant to all outside Jasper's kitchen.

"_The little things you do to me are,_

_Taking me over, I wanna show ya._

_Everything inside of me_

_Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating._

_My feet are stuck here, against the pavement,_

_I wanna break free, I wanna make it_

_Closer to your eyes, get your attention_

_Before you pass me by."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Lot's of you got last chapter's lyrics, I wonder if you can keep it up? Without Googling, of course :P**

**What team we on now, huh? How many of you have given up on me & how many have faith?**

**You might be happy to know that the next chapter is already written so there WONT be a decade long wait for it :P**

**Don't forget to follow me on twitter or sign up to my blog to get teasers for each chapter a few days before it goes out :)**

**X**


	17. Things Best Kept Secret

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Helloo again! See, I didn't keep you waiting! :)**

**I sent my reviewers the link to my teaser, so I hope y'all enjoyed it :)**

**A few people asked if you were getting an EPOV...wondering what he had said to Jazz and such like, but I have to reiterate that I won't be writing an EPOV in this story at all. You don't make a fuss when it's a book. My decision was I wanted you all as in the dark as B :)**

**Lots of different reactions to the last chapter but I think you might all like this one cause we finally get to know more about Edward! Woo :)**

**I disclaim and I thank every single one of you who reads and reviews this, I flove you all :)**

**Enjoy x**

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen – Things Best Kept Secret**

"Ugh, Jasper," I moaned incoherently.

The food he'd eventually managed to spread out in front of me was nothing less than mouth-watering. He out shone himself in all the little nibbles he had arranged on expensive looking dishes: the fresh salmon, the perfectly grilled meat that was hot off the BBQ, and the wine he'd poured meticulously into our glasses.

"Mmm, seriously. And you wondered why I thought you might be gay." I hadn't even realized I was that hungry, but I was pretty sure I had sampled at least one of everything that was on the wrought iron table out back.

He'd let me prepare bits of it while we had been in the kitchen, but he moved us outside and ordered me to lie on a sun-lounger with a glass of wine and let him do the BBQ. His reasoning? He was a Texan; they knew how to do their BBQs supposedly, and who was I to argue?

His garden was beautiful, huge and beautiful. The garden sloped downwards to a man-made pond full of wildlife – ranging from fish to tiny birds – at the bottom. Trees lined every edge, and there was even a mini forest in the north-west corner. Well, when I say mini, I mean about nine very large, very dense trees all clumped together.

Just outside of the French doors that led from the kitchen, was a large decked patio area, complete with sun-loungers, large dining table, humungous barbeque, and at least a dozen large lanterns for when it was dark. A tall wood fence ran down the left of the garden, separating it from the pool area, which he'd kindly let me see.

I couldn't deny that the glistening water that rippled gently in the breeze had invited me in, but despite making out with him heavily, I was far from the swimming in my underwear stage of my growing confidence.

Instead I'd looked at it wistfully, and Jasper had promised to let me in any day or night when I wanted to swim in his pool. At the time it had felt like he meant a lot more than just his words, but he only turned away from me and asked how many wings I wanted off the grill.

"I had hoped our, uh, session earlier had put any doubts on my sexuality to rest," he responded, bringing me out of my food-induced daydream. I was sufficiently stuffed and sated as I finished off the last of the wine in my glass.

"Oh, it did. Now it just means you're completely perfect or a little weird. I'm just hoping you don't turn out to be some high-functioning sociopath or something." I giggled when he feigned offense and turned away from me with a pout.

Feeling courage that I had yet to place, I hoisted myself up out of the chair I had collapsed in, and made my way around to the chair where Jasper was pretending not to notice me. I saw the way his lips twitched, though, and knew he was only trying to keep a straight face.

I captured his face between my two palms and turned him back to face me, giggling when his grin grew wider when he looked at me. I only hesitated for a moment before leaning down and brushing my lips over his.

We'd kissed, we'd made out pretty heavily, but I didn't know what that meant in the big scheme of things. His strong hands flattened out on my hips and he stretched his neck to accommodate our kiss, deepening it as he thrust his tongue into my mouth with a groan. Where I was sure I'd panic and feel out of my depth, everything with Jasper felt like second nature. It didn't feel like I was letting him take advantage and it didn't feel like we were moving too fast.

It all sort of just happened. It felt right, but something inside me told me it wasn't the same. The same as what? I wasn't quite sure what my brain was trying to compare it to.

With a sharp tug I was on top of him, my knees digging into the iron on either side of the chair. I didn't care, however, with the pleasure he was bestowing on me with his lips and his touch. The taste of the wine we'd consumed flowed between us, making my head spin as I gulped in deep lungful's of air that smelled exactly like Jasper and his home.

Jasper pulled away gently, cradling my head between his hands much like I was doing to him. With a soft smile, he sighed quietly and put more space between our lips.

"As much as I'd love to do that all day, we need to talk."

My heart squeezed uncomfortably in my chest, and I nodded, pulling away from him and dropping into the nearest lounger, wanting to be as comfortable as possible for our impending talk. I knew it – at least in part – contained Edward and what had happened between them when he had returned from his mysterious trip, but I wasn't sure what else needed to be discussed.

Jasper pushed his plate back and stood, wandered over and dropped down beside me, capturing my hand in his almost immediately. I tried not to smile too widely.

"Can I ask you something about what you said earlier?"

I shrugged, already mortified by everything I had confessed – and that had been before the wine. "Sure." He could tell I wasn't thrilled by his starting point, but he squeezed my hand and smiled gently before speaking again.

"I know we talked about your mom and dad before, but it seems like more than that. You really think you're young and naïve?"

I shrugged again, not exactly sure what he wanted me to say. "I open my mouth and say things before I even think them through. I feel so out of my depth sometimes that it makes me feel foolish when I have to ask for help or rely on someone else to tell me how this world works. My mom has always taken care of everything, and I've been blissfully unaware of everything around me. It makes me sound like a spoiled little kid who hasn't grown up, and I hate, like seriously hate, the thought of anyone ever thinking that of me because it's so far from the truth.

"But, Jasper, I _am_ naïve. I see the good in people when I need to learn that it's just not there. I'm scared that I'm going to trust someone and completely ignore their faults like I have with my mother. I'm terrified that I'm not good enough at what I do, and that people will give up on me before they've ever really given me a chance.

"Pile on top of all that the fact that I'm finally seeing my mother for the vile creature she is. She uses people, including me, for her own gain. It's becoming increasingly obvious that she doesn't care about me, just what she can get out of me, and it makes me wonder what I ever did to make her so cold towards me, what I ever did for my dad to just abandon me."

It surprised me when I didn't cry, but I felt stronger for actually speaking what was on my mind and not being a blubbering mess afterwards.

"Wow," he mumbled, squeezing my hand again, obviously not realizing what kind of floodgate he was opening with that question.

"Yeah," I answered with a humourless chuckle. "We're complicated creatures, what can I say?" Jasper laughed quietly before turning to look at me with an intense gaze.

"I don't know what Edward's problem with you is… not really… but he's my best friend, and I can't let you think that he's some sort of bad guy. He's not evil, Bella, but I won't deny that he has more issues than any of us put together. I might be his best friend, but we met after everything in his life went wrong. I don't know what it was because he's never even told me, but whatever it was that made him like this happened a long time ago. I've known him for nearly ten years, and he's been a shell of himself for at least seven of those.

"The fact that you see the good in him – and I know that's who you were referring to – just means you're a good person. If you can see it, then maybe there's hope for him yet. Maybe he knows it, too, and that's why he won't let you close enough. He's a fiercely loyal friend, Bella, and if you were to trust him, I know for a fact he wouldn't let you down. Those aren't faults on your part.

"As for trusting your own mother, that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you did what every other kid in the world does: puts their life in their parent's hands and believes it'll always be safest there. Your mom is an extreme exception to that rule, and the fact that you're worried that others might see you as a spoiled kid – which we don't – just proves that you're nothing like her.

"I don't know about your father, Bella, but he must have his reasons. I'm not siding with him, but if you really want answers, the only person you're going to get them from is him, because I would_ not_ trust Renee to tell you the truth."

I only stared at him after he finished, speechless that he had both listened and absorbed every little thing I had told him, and tried to reassure me on them all.

_This guy was seriously too good to be true._

"You must be the best listener in the world," I said finally, knowing that staring at him would probably only freak him out.

He shook his head in answer. "I just care, is all. Anyone else would have told you the same things."

I felt sad all of a sudden, my grip on his hand increasing. "Jasper, there aren't any other people any more. I left my only best friend when I moved from Forks, and my mom turned out to be a really bad idea." I managed to crack a smile as I gazed out across the fence that lined the bottom of Jasper's garden, seeing the city sprawled beneath us in a haze from the afternoon sunshine.

"You've got Heidi and Felix, me, and I know for a fact that Emmett wants you to be his new best friend because someone who even _offers_ to take him to breakfast is the best person in the world."

We both laughed, and I felt lighter than I had in weeks because I knew he was right.

"I nearly didn't have you," I stated slowly, not wanting to start an argument but still wanting answers.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Truly…"

"But?" I asked, having heard it drop off the end of his sentence.

"He's my best friend, Bella. If I don't look after him, who will? If I betray him, he has no one else in the world. You've seen him, Bella, he's a mess and he's barely hanging on. When he came back, he was in such a state…I've never seen him that bad…" He sighed, and I could tell even thinking about it was causing him pain.

"He saw the pictures…of us. We knew they'd be splashed across the front of every magazine, but I never thought to stop them because you seemed okay with it. Hell, there wasn't even anything going on, it was just shots of us walking down the street together, or standing in a shop or restaurant. I never imagined it would hurt him." He shook his head.

I couldn't help but snort. "What? Is he in love with you or something?"

Jasper's eyes flashed to mine, and I saw the anger in them before he covered it up. When he changed topic, it only served to confuse me.

"You know I picked him up from the airport when he flew into Los Angeles?" I shook my head because no, how was I supposed to know that? Why would it even matter? "He was a mess, a good mess I guess you could say. He waited until Em and Alice were in their hire car and about a mile behind us on the road before he told me what had put the smile on his face. He told me all about this brunette who'd caught his eye. She was so incredibly beautiful, he'd said that he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but that some bitch had interrupted his time with her. He said he'd be dreaming about her for weeks and that she'd be enough to make him never look at a woman again.

"I was happy for him. I even wondered if it was possible to find the girl, but when I brought it up the next day, he slammed the door in my face and told me to fuck off. I'd never seen him so angry, just the mention of this mysterious girl had his whole body trembling in a mixture of anger and fear. I know it was fear, I know him better than anyone, but to this day I have no idea why he's so afraid of her…of you…"

For the first time since he started explaining his tangent, he looked at me, his eyes narrowed and concerned, but not for himself or me…for Edward. I couldn't think straight, he'd just unloaded far too much information on me. Expecting me to sift through it and come up with a sensible thought was unfeasible.

Everything I thought about Edward on that first day was confirmed. He did feel it; he had been attracted and interested in me. He had been angry we'd been interrupted, he had thought about me after we'd left the tarmac.

However, everything I knew about him now had been confirmed, too. He was volatile and unpredictable. He had too many issues to count, too many obstacles to overcome. He was…_afraid_ of me. I did remind him of someone, and in no way was it someone he wanted to be reminded of. Gone were my theories of lost loves and romantic stories.

No, the person I reminded him most of in this world was the one person who had completely destroyed him. I was pretty sure the woman I reminded him of was the only thing in this world that Edward Cullen was afraid of. There was no way he was going to let me in or even care to get to know me while he had that hanging over his head.

"He needs help." I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until Jasper sighed deeply with a nod of his head.

"Yeah, now more than ever," Jasper answered me softly, and I could tell how much his best friend's problems were weighing on his mind.

"What did he say to you?" His head whipped back around, almost as if he had thought he'd covered that already. Unfortunately I was still awaiting my answer.

"He was angry, hurt. He said I'd gone behind his back and betrayed him, and I had no idea what he was talking about. When he mentioned you, I got angry because at no point had he even hinted that he was interested in you. I had picked up on the frostiness between you, I had seen the way he would look at you in disinterest and disdain, and I saw the way you looked hurt every time you noticed.

"Bella, you have to believe me, I had no idea you were the same girl. That first day we met, I asked Edward who you were and he just said you were a bright new talent that had been signed the same day as him. He just said you'd be his company when he got lonely in the studio and told me your name.

"He never mentioned the girl on the plane's name. I didn't see the similarities because I didn't know I should be looking for them. He was hurt because I'd taken the girl he'd opened up about. In his eyes he was right, partially. I hadn't technically taken you away from him at that point. He just believed I had. He was right about the rest though. I've never heard him talk about a girl the way he talked about you the day he flew in. He's never been that interested, that excited, thrilled or enamoured by just the thought of one girl. It was like he was completely changed in the space of a short flight.

"But he never spoke of you again. Even before he knew he'd be working with you, he closed off from the thought of you, and I knew something about the girl he'd loved the thought of was doing something to the inside of him. I don't know all his secrets, Bella, but I know when he's lying, in pain or hiding from something, and all three of those were true the day he screamed at me."

Jasper's fingers tangled in his hair and he tugged at it's length aggressively. His eyes squeezed shut told me recounting it was harder than he'd thought it would be. Was it because he was talking about someone else being interested in me? Was it because he felt guilty?

"Hey, shh, it's okay," I said gently, easing myself onto his lap and winding my hands into his shaggy blonde hair. I felt him relax under me until his arms came up around me and held me to him.

"I didn't know you were the same person, Bella, but I couldn't help it. The more I got to know you, the more times I saw you, the more I wanted to know. I like you, I can't help that now."

"I know, I believe you." I kept my voice quiet, as if soothing a child, and continued to run my fingers over his scalp, liking the way he let me comfort him when he needed it.

"You can't help him on your own, Jasper. He needs help – _professional _help. The drinking, the pills, the girls, it all needs to stop, and you can't be responsible for that because it will destroy you both. I know he's your best friend and that you love him, but sometimes the only thing you can do is trust someone else to do a better job."

He looked up at me with a pained smile. "See, you're not young and naïve at all."

I rolled my eyes and complied when he pulled me closer to him. His warm hand landed on my thigh, and I tensed as his fingers drew back and forth. No one had ever touched me there before.

"Is this okay?" he asked quietly, again knowing I couldn't do any more than kiss him. I nodded shyly, keeping my eyes shut and my breathing even as I expected his next move. Only, it didn't come, instead he kept his hand there, his fingers making small patterns on my skin, and instead of setting me on edge, it helped me relax.

In contrast to his touch, however, his kiss became fiercer, like he was afraid I was going to disappear. I held onto his hair, relishing in the way he groaned every time I pulled on it. He bit lightly at my bottom lip in between passes of his tongue, and I fell to the dizzying sensations raising in me.

He pulled away with a groan, but I was fairly positive it wasn't a good one this time. My fears were confirmed when he told me what was on my mind.

"I didn't take you from him, Bella. He isn't good for you…he's going to hate me…" His head shook back and forth violently on the back of the chair, and I tampered down my reaction to his words.

It wasn't up to him to decide who was good for me and who wasn't, but I put it down to the emotions he was working through and gave him the benefit of the doubt. It sounded almost possessive, and I wasn't sure I liked it, despite loving the same emotion in Edward.

I shook my head. Thinking about Edward while in Jasper's embrace was wrong, and I had to remind myself that I'd made my choice, that we'd all made our choices. It was becoming increasingly clear to me that no matter who decided what in this game we were all suddenly playing, someone would get hurt.

"He had some girl with him today, I'm sure he'll be okay with it." I was trying to lighten the mood, but Jasper shook his head sadly.

"That was Rosalie, she's Emmett's ex-girlfriend, there's nothing going on between them," he told me levelly, sure that his friendship was doomed.

I snorted again, mortified at the noises I was making. "Trust me, I walked in on them touching third base, there is definitely something going on there."

Jasper's head snapped up so fast I thought it might crack straight off, but the anger and disbelief in his eyes made the laughter die in my chest.

"Are you sure?"

"Blonde? Goddess? In his studio with him before I came down?"

Jasper nodded to all three, his whole body tensing beneath me.

"Fuck. FUCK!"

I jumped, surprised by his loud groan of frustration, and before I could react he was up off the chair and setting me on the ground in front of him.

"Fuck it, then. He's made his choices, all the wrong ones." He took a moment to calm down and breathe deeply before turning back to me, all the warmth and happiness back in his eyes. "Bella Swan, will you be my girlfriend?"

Despite the heaviness of our just discussed topics, the gnawing in my general heart area, and the way my head pounded with all the information he had bestowed on me, my brain made a split-second decision without informing me. I nodded my head and even freaking giggled when a grin lit up his whole face.

I was officially Jasper Whitlock's girlfriend.

I should have been happy, but there was panic and unease bubbling dangerously close to the surface.

Something told me that together we weren't supposed to be happy.

"_So unimpressed, but so in awe,_

_Such a saint, but such a whore._

_So self-aware, so full of shit,_

_So indecisive, so adamant._

_I'm contemplating, thinking about thinking,_

_It's overrated, just get another drink in…_

_Watch me come undone…"_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**As always, do we know the song without Googling? Those who are Brits should :P**

**So what do we think about what Jazz had to say?**

**Who thinks B is having some doubts? ****What's E gonna do now? :O**

**Lol, I'd appreciate it if you kept up the awesome response and let me know how you're feeling right now...**

**Don't forget to follow me on twitter or on my blog for goss and teasers :)**

**See you soon!**


	18. In Darkness He Thrives

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Massive squeeze to everyone who read, reviewed and favourited this fic last chapter, y'all make me smile :)**

**The response to this story has been awesome and I appreciate everyone who gets in touch and lets me know :)**

**Can I just say that the summary for this story clearly states this is an E/B fic, so (in the nicest way) stop asking me that! There's only so many times I can say yes it is & yes it's a HEA...jeesh...lol :P**

**How awesome am I for not making you wait? :) Yes, two weeks is still a while, but it's never going to be quicker than that :P**

**Enjoy folks :)**

**I disclaim.**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: In Darkness He Thrives**

Jasper and I spent so much time lounging about, laughing and talking, that it was suddenly dark and the patio lights were switching themselves on.

I sent Heidi a quick text to let her know I was okay and fired another one off to Jamie to apologize for leaving him so suddenly. I'd had such a good, normal time with Jasper that I'd completely forgotten I had just walked out of the studio.

Jasper gave me a tour of the house when we finally retired back inside, awing me with its understated tones and décor. The living room was open-plan with a fireplace to die for. His furniture was all oversized yet simple to compliment the large space he had in his home. Photographs and portraits hung in nearly every room, and he talked me through all the ones he thought were the most interesting, unofficially introducing me to his family.

The downstairs was complete with two bathrooms, a games room, an office and a mini music room. He blushed adorably when I exclaimed at the sight in front of me.

"Jasper! You didn't tell me you could play!" I ran my fingers lightly down the neck of the gorgeous guitar he had propped in one corner as I turned to look at him accusingly.

"I don't really," he started, scratching the back of his neck as if he were uncomfortable. "It's kind of a given for all men in my family on our ranch to know the guitar. I used to sit on the porch at night with my cousins and uncles and just have fun. I can't remember the last time I actually picked it up." He shrugged, but something in his tone told me he wasn't exactly happy about his lost connection to that part of his life.

"Maybe you will again someday," I suggested softly, glad when he smiled beautifully in my direction.

I yawned before I could cover it and he laughed loudly. "Subtle, Bella. I'm boring you that much?"

I shook my head vehemently. "How could you even think that?" I was surprised when he shrugged, thinking he had only been joking, but there was something deeper there. "Jasper?"

"It's new. Everything is so fucked up – it's not like we've even been on a date or anything yet. You could change your mind any minute and decide that you hate me for what I'm doing to Edward…Fuck, Bella the list goes on."

For some reason, the first thing my brain picked up on was the fact that he had just sworn – I couldn't remember him ever swearing in my company before. Something about the way it drawled out in his accent made it exceptionally hot.

The one thing I had learned over the time I had been spending with him was that despite Hollywood desensitizing his accent each time he worked on a new film, in his extended periods of time off, it still managed to float back in. He didn't hold himself back with friends like he did in press conferences and interviews, and he didn't hold himself back with _me_. I hadn't ever thought of accents being a turn-on for me before – I'd never needed to – but between Jasper and Edward, I was pretty sure I could never date a "normal" American-sounding guy.

I closed the distance between us so quickly that I took him by surprise. I took his hand in mine and stopped with only inches between us.

"Don't you think I could turn all of those reasons around? It's new, everything is complicated, you're a Hollywood star who jets off around the world at the drop of a hat, and you're best friend will always come first, which I think I kind of get. Jasper, you could change your mind just as quickly as I could. We've been friends for a month and you only kissed me a few hours ago – I think we're allowed to just take it a day at a time and see how it goes."

We smiled at each other before Jasper bent his head and captured my lips with his, sweetly, softly, as he swirled his tongue around mine leisurely. There was nothing dramatic or needy about us; we could take our time and enjoy it, and enjoy it was exactly what I was going to do.

**~BtG~**

I heard the door to our suite open before unwanted sounds filtered through the crack in my door to my unwilling ears. My mother was giggling drunk, and I was pretty sure, in the moments she was quiet, I could hear a grumbling male voice and even moaning.

I shuddered as I brought the duvet tighter around me, as if that would somehow take me away from my mother's activities. The door shut loudly behind them, telling me they couldn't care less that I was there and probably sleeping. I looked at the clock and groaned – it was only one thirty in the morning. Renee would probably be "entertaining" for at least a few hours.

I cringed and tensed as they passed my door, sounding like my mom was being pressed up against the wall every time they stumbled. I screwed my eyes shut as if it would help rid me of the mental images their noises were creating; it wasn't hard to believe what was happening mere feet from me. I might not know much about men, dating, sex or pleasure, but I had read my fair share of novels, and I had read enough to know at least a little about different scenarios.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the door to her room clicked shut. I let myself believe everything would be okay, but after a few minutes my relief was short lived. I heard something hit the floor with a dull thud before I heard a low groan through the obviously paper-thin walls. I couldn't believe this was happening _here._ If I were to say anything about my mom it would be that she had never brought a man home when she knew I was there already. This was a new low for her – was she putting on some sort of show?

After a split decision, I was out from under the covers and grabbing a pair of jeans and a hoodie from my closet. I stuffed my legs and then my arms into the comfortable clothes, grabbed the duvet from my bed and wrapped it around me, slipped on my Converse and made sure to pick up my bag from the chair in the corner.

Opening the door as quietly as I could possibly manage, I tiptoed out and along the hall in the opposite direction from my mother's room, struggling to close out the sounds of her "extracurricular" activities.

I averted my eyes from the strewn clothes in the living room area, opened the suite door and crept out into carpeted the corridor. It wasn't until I reached the foyer and the elevator opened that I knew what I actually wanted to do.

I made my way as inconspicuously as I could across the open-plan floor towards the concierge – not an easy feat, I realized, whilst wrapped in a hotel duvet – and smiled sheepishly when I stopped in front of him.

"Miss Swan?"

"Uh, I was wondering if you could call me a cab?"

He nodded his head with a smile, eyeing the hotel property wrapped around me like a security blanket.

"Where would you like to go, Miss?"

"Volturi Studios, please. I'm going to get some work done seeing as I can't sleep."

There was a couch in my room and I was pretty sure it would be comfortable enough for a couple of hours sleep.

"I could find you another room for the night if you want?"

Without saying the words, he knew exactly why I was so desperate to get out in the middle of the night.

"Thank you" – I shot my eyes quickly to his name badge – "Eric, but I'll leave it to the morning to sort something out." I stood quietly, watching as guests made their way back in from their nights out on the town, feeling for once like I wasn't missing anything.

"Uh, is it okay if I take this with me? I'm not stealing it or anything…" I laughed nervously, suddenly realizing what it might look like.

"No, Miss, I'll let it go this time." He winked at me before letting me know there was a cab outside. He walked with me, held the door open and waved me off with a small smile.

I relaxed in the back seat as Los Angeles at night whizzed past the window, streetlights and lit signs blurring into one as my eyes protested being open.

I handed over the little cash I had on me and thanked the driver, glad he hadn't bombarded me with useless chatter on our journey over. The Volturi building looked ominous in the dark, looming up from the sidewalk in front of me. I had to remind myself that I belonged there and that there was nothing to second guess.

I made my way around to the side door, punched in my "secret" code and let myself into the building, turning the lights on and entering more security codes to keep the alarms from sounding.

There was something serene about making my way through the foyer and up the stairs, my footsteps the only sound around me and the moonlight streaming through the twenty foot windows.

By the time I made it to my studio, my eyes were drooping and my legs were ready to give up, exhaustion from my day and interrupted sleep catching up to me. I barely managed to slip off my shoes before I settled into the oversized sofa and wrapped the duvet around me – rolling myself into something that must have resembled a fajita or wrap – and promptly fell asleep.

It was still dark when I awoke, a tiny sliver of light shining under the outside door from the lights in the hallway. I'd propped my inside door open to make the space less suffocating when I settled down, and I could feel a breeze whisper through my hair.

I was groggy, my eyes uncooperative, and it took me longer than it should have to recognize the breeze wasn't caused by a stream of air, but rather by something disturbing the air around me. There was a whisper near my ear, and I suddenly realized it was someone's voice.

I should have panicked, tensed, screamed, but somehow my body knew exactly who it was and that I was in no danger – physically, at least.

"Why are you here, huh?" he mumbled.

From his muttering it was clear Edward thought I was asleep so I decided not to answer him. "I'm sorry about earlier, Bella. I guess I should say that to your face, though."

I wanted to applaud myself for not flinching when his cool fingers found my temple in the darkness and he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I just can't seem to get it together with you, though. I look at you and I panic. It feels like I can't even breathe."

It felt like_ I_ couldn't even breathe. Edward was being raw and honest, but it was angering me, because he was being raw and honest when he thought I wouldn't find out.

His heat was rolling over me from where I felt him perch on the edge of my sofa, and it made me tingle all over when it combined with the scent of his cologne, which was spicy, yet understated, and tickled my senses instead of overloading them.

I could make out the now familiar tremble in his hand as it rested on my collarbone, his fingers twirling a lock of my hair between his fingers. There was a part of me telling me what I was allowing to happen was wrong, was cheating all of us – not just myself and Edward, but Jasper, too – that I was setting myself up for a world of grief, but I finally realized what I couldn't pinpoint during the day.

No matter how Jasper touched me, I was sure it would never make me feel the way Edward's touch did. He ignited the skin he made contact with, made me feel exhilarated yet calm at the same time, safe yet on edge with adrenaline.

It was because of those thoughts that when Edward said, "Sweet dreams," and made to pull away, I grabbed at his arm, wanting to keep him close.

"Bella?"

I squeezed his fingers because I had yet to find my voice – whether from shock or from just waking up, I wasn't sure. Pressing myself back into the corner of the sofa, I peered through the darkness, disappointed that Edward's silhouette was all I could make out.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked with a scratchy voice.

"I came in to drop something off, and when I put the light on, I saw you. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, but you didn't just walk back out either, did you?" I asked softly so he'd know I wasn't being defensive.

"I – the blanket had slipped onto the floor, and I didn't want you to get cold." I saw him shrug and wondered how he could actually care half the time and act like an asshole the other half.

"What time is it?" Stretching, I sat up in the darkness, knowing I was taking myself closer to Edward as I felt his soft, quiet breathing reach my exposed skin. His phone flashed, and in the brief light of it, I noticed he had a grey hooded sweatshirt on, the hood sitting against the soft, pale skin of his neck, and a grey beanie covering his sinful hair. I'd never wanted to be one of two articles of clothing before.

"Just after four," he replied tiredly, and it occurred to me that maybe I wasn't the only one who had come here to get away from something.

"Why are you here?"

Before the light on his phone clicked off, I saw him cringe. I wondered if he'd actually answer me with something that made him uncomfortable or shut down like he usually did.

"Emmett didn't want me near him, and Alice isn't talking to me, so I opted not to stay in the bungalow."

He sounded so sad that I had to battle the instinct to comfort him. It was his own fault Emmett was upset with him, and Alice had clearly chosen her side. I had to ball my hands into my duvet to keep from reaching out to him.

With my next question, I knew he'd either flee or tell me the truth. It was becoming increasingly obvious that there was no middle ground for Edward.

"Rosalie?"

A rush of wind told me his head had snapped in my direction. "How – oh…" He stopped his questioning, obviously remembering that I'd walked in on them.

I'd walked in on him making out with his best friend's ex-girlfriend.

Why had I forgotten that? Why was I even giving him a chance when he'd behaved so abysmally?

"He'd obviously come in before you. I don't blame him, not after what he must have seen. She was there to see _him_, though. I was the one who texted him to tell him to come up. Fuck, Bella, I can only imagine what he's thinking…that I told him to come up and then he saw us like that…but it wasn't what it looked like…"

I snorted simply because it was so damn cliché. Did he honestly expect me to believe that?

"No! Bella, I mean it. I texted him to come and get her because she was drunk…fuck, she was beyond drunk, she could barely see! Nothing happened, and I know you have no reason to believe me, but it was all her, Bella."

"Yeah, cause you're so irresistible," I answered shortly. Even I knew it was the blackest of lies…he really was that irresistible, at least to me.

He growled lowly, and I shifted on the sofa at the sound. "That is not what I meant. She was drunk, stumbling, slurring. She sat on my lap, Bella, and started whispering in my ear how much she missed Emmett and wanted him back. I didn't touch her."

The tone of his voice was enough to let me know he was telling the truth. Jasper's words from earlier in the day came back to me.

"_He's a fiercely loyal friend, Bella."_

We'd all jumped to conclusions, and we'd all judged him. No one stopped to realize we knew he wasn't capable of breaking his best friend's heart.

I moved my legs, circling my arms around my knees, and Edward took his cue by sitting opposite me on the sofa.

"You need to tell him this, not me."

"Yeah. No…I needed to tell you, too…I know what you think you saw."

"Why couldn't you have told me this earlier? You didn't even try to explain what I walked in on," I growled, and I knew he was surprised by my anger, but I wasn't sure even I could have explained it. Maybe because I'd made a pretty important decision, and his behaviour with Rosalie had played a part in it.

"I think you know by now that I don't do so well when I'm faced by you, Bella."

That was so true. Thoughts of his attempt at a conversation earlier that day floated back to me: he had stuttered and stumbled through the entire thing.

"What is it that makes you panic?"

The air around us went very still and I realized I'd hit yet another nerve. I started to wonder if there would ever be a time when that didn't happen. There was just too much about him that could potentially set him off.

"Bella…" he groaned, warning me to not push him.

My fingers found his iPhone on the cushion between us, and I pressed the top button to light it up. The picture that greeted me made my breath catch in my throat, and I had to swallow around it and move on quickly.

It was of him and Jasper and Emmett, their arms around each other's shoulders, their smiles wide. They were standing at the side of a pool, only board shorts and sunglasses adorned their bodies, the sun beating down on them. I was sure the image of Edward's toned and tanned body would forever be burned on my retinas.

He looked healthy_, happy_.

His body hadn't looked that good the night I undressed him and put him to bed. _That sounds so much better than the reality,_ I thought.

God, that felt so long ago.

When I realized the phone had no passcode, I quickly flicked through his pages, trying not to look at anything that was personal until I found his flashlight app. With one tap of my thumb, there was a soft light emitting from the screen, and I left it back on the sofa to shine up between us.

It didn't escape my notice that once he'd realized I was going through his phone, he hadn't stopped me – like he had nothing to hide. The feeling that gesture caused in me was one that made me feel good. It was like he trusted me, like he _didn't_ have anything to hide.

"Okay…how about another one? I'm guessing that it's like you can't breathe _in a bad way_?" Even saying that made me feel disappointed and sort of crushed. Long gone was the voice of reason that should have been telling me I shouldn't feel that way at all.

In the new light, when I saw him shake his head, the breath caught audibly in the back of my throat once again.

"It's not your fault, Bella. It's me…it's_ all_ me…" His despondency struck something in me and my hand was finding his in the darkness before I realized it. His fingers slipped into the spaces between mine and it felt exactly like it did the last time – right – and like it hadn't felt since.

His touch was enough to set me on edge, yet soothe all my fears and insecurities at the same time.

It made no sense to me, and the craving I'd had for it during our separation caused me the most anxiety.

At the time it had been like I was a glutton for punishment, like I was deliberately setting myself up for heartache. That I'd been turning into the clichéd naïve teenager who falls for the bad boy despite all the signs.

But if all that were true, why did his touch and his mere presence pull me to him?

Why did I ache deep inside when I heard the pain in his voice?

Right at that moment, with his fingers weaved with mine, and my offering him a silent way out, it felt like the most normal thing in the world.

I wanted to help him, get him through whatever had been haunting him for all the years Jasper had said he'd been this way.

Jasper – I suddenly remembered the legitimate reason my unwillingness to let go of Edward was wrong.

I shouldn't have been sitting there in the waning darkness holding his hand and willing him to finally let me in.

I'd chosen my path.

_The wrong path. _

No, I'd chosen_ a_ path – that didn't mean it was wrong.

That was what I kept telling myself, anyway.

"_Where has my light gone? Where has my fight gone?_

_What keeps us burning when the fire is long gone?_

_When I can't relate to that voice without a face,_

_Should I be afraid or is it just a voice I did create?_

_Ah, give it up, those dirty tricks._

_No quick fix, can undo it,_

_Ah, give it up, I won't resist_

_My answer's always this."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling? :P It's harder this chap, I know, but it's been on a few TV shows over the last year so y'all might get it :)**

**What do we think now then? :O ****What's going to happen next?**

**Follow me on twitter to find out! :P**

**_Jacobchika95_ and others, I can't reply to your reviews because you have DM disabled, but I've read them all! :P**

**See y'all soon :)**

**x**


	19. The Truth Will Out

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**Thank you guys, sincerely, you keep making me smile like a loon with your words and encouragement :)**

**_Cheryl M_ you reviewed so many times and THANK YOU! I can't reply to any of them (you might have your DM disabled) but a big squeeze from me to you!**

**Onwards! I've been told to issue a tissue warning for the end of this chapter, so please, have them ready :)**

**xx**

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: The Truth Will Out**

"Can we talk about yesterday?" I asked hesitantly. My eyes sought out his face, and I watched him nod slowly, reservedly.

"I guess you deserve some actual answers," he replied softly. I tried to ignore the things his voice did to me when it sounded like that.

"Who slipped the note under my door?"

"Emmett. He was angry, and I understand why he did it. I guess he wanted to hurt me back or something."

"Did he?"

"Hurt me?"

I only nodded, holding my breath as I awaited his answer.

He shook his head and I let it out. "No. I panicked like hell when you gave it back, but it didn't hurt me. I guess he let you know what I was thinking, something I clearly suck at." He chuckled darkly, but even so it brought a smile to my face. A smile he saw because I knew he was watching me as closely as was possible.

"It hurt _me_, though."

Both of our smiles fell at my admission, one that had pretty much come out of nowhere. It was true, though.

"You called me a betrayer…as if you'd even let me close enough in the first place." It was my turn to laugh humourlessly as I remembered his written words.

"I…Bella, you were never meant to see that. I was hurt. I was just letting it out." He sighed, as if that explained it all.

"You had no right to feel hurt! Don't you get that? You pushed _me_ away, you treated _me_ badly, you ignored _me_. How does any of that add up to _you_ getting hurt?"

"I know! Fuck, Bella, I know! But before I went away I felt like we'd actually gotten somewhere! We talked and I thought you sort of understood. I had plans of coming back and actually trying with you, but then…" He growled again, and I knew he was remembering what had made him angry all those weeks ago.

"But then you saw the pictures and you jumped to conclusions. You didn't give either me or Jasper the benefit of the doubt. When you came back you ignored me. Edward, you even told Jasper to stay away from me! Jasper told me about the misunderstanding, but it was like you didn't even care. He's your best friend – did you really believe he could do that to you?"

I wasn't even realizing I was digging myself a massive hole. I was making it sound like Jasper hadn't betrayed him and nothing had happened, when in fact it was the complete opposite. I justified it by telling myself I wasn't used to thinking I was part of a pair. I was with Jasper and I had to remember that.

"It was a shock. There I was, trying to sort things out so I could come back and be honest with you, and the world was getting used to Hollywood's newest celebrity couple."

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open at the little bit of information he'd just bestowed on me unknowingly.

That was why he'd come to see me before he left. He knew what he was going to do. What things had he needed to sort out? Why couldn't he have been honest with me before he left? What was it that had left him looking like a shell of himself?

"Edward, you left on the back of one civil conversation that left me with more questions than answers. How was I to know you were even thinking about me? It wasn't until Jasper told me what you said when we arrived in L.A that I even entertained the thought you might not hate me like I previously thought."

"Hate you? God, Bella, I don't hate you."

"Yes, but I didn't know that! Everything you did told me otherwise. It seemed like you couldn't even look at me! I know I remind you of someone, Edward, but even now you can't talk about it! I can't even begin to compete with that. I don't need that sort of expectation. I deserve more than having to live up to someone else!"

_Wow, okay, go me_, I thought. There I was sticking up for myself once again. I was getting good at letting my feelings finally be known.

"It's not about living up to her, Bella. You don't remind me of someone I _want_ to be reminded of. God, I wish it was as simple as I loved and lost, but it's not. I can't–I know you deserve to know, but I can't do it, Bella. But know you're so much better than she ever was."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so instead I stayed quiet, contemplative. He was giving me more than he ever had before, like he was really trying, like he thought it might make a difference.

Twenty-four hours ago, I realized, it would have made the world of difference. Before Jasper had opened up to me, before Jasper had beaten him to it and showed me that I was worth more than Edward was offering. It hadn't hit me until then just how big the fallout from this was going to be.

"I know you deserve more than all of this, Bella," he continued, as if he could he read my mind. "I tried to tell you yesterday, but I failed fucking miserably. I didn't come straight to you when I came back because yes, one, I was angry, but I needed time to assure myself you weren't her. I had to control every single thing I was feeling and thinking because none of it was directed at you and I was terrified I'd fuck up once and for all. I had to prepare myself to face you so that I'd know it was you I was talking to, _you_ I was looking at, and not her.

"I was telling the truth. I stopped drinking…I haven't drank since I went away, even when it's the hardest thing in the world to deny myself the escape it would give me. I didn't want to run the risk of being too out of it to remember a moment with you. When you told me about that night you stayed, the only thing I was thinking was that I'd missed what could have been one of the best nights I could have had.

"You deserve more than a drunk that can't remember where he is when he wakes up in the morning. More than a man who takes everyone around him for granted because he can. You were right yesterday. I _have_ treated you like shit. I _do_ walk around like I own the place, it's how I am, Bella. It's the only way I know how to be because I had to be like that to make it."

My heart thundering in my chest, I stared, slack-jawed at him as the information just kept coming. His breathing was picking up and his unoccupied hand was scrubbing back and forth through the front of his hair under his hat and over his forehead. He was beyond agitated, but he seemed like he needed to get it out, and I was scared I'd never see that side of him again.

"I can't just turn it off. I've never needed to, never cared enough to even think twice about how someone else was feeling."

He stopped. He didn't say he cared now, or that he wanted to change, he just stopped, and I couldn't understand what I was supposed to be thinking, what I was supposed to be feeling.

"Edward?" I tried to pull him out of his thoughts gently, coaxing him back into the present because it was obvious his mind had floated back to something else. I moved toward him, ignoring the heat that flashed through me when my forearm met his with both of our sleeves pushed up.

My knees were resting on his, sitting Indian style as I faced him, and his head slowly turned back to me. We were so much closer than we had been.

Memories flashed through my mind. In the plane, when we'd both leaned towards one another. The day we went for lunch and he followed me to the toilet, when he trapped me against the wall and tried to kiss me. The night I'd supported him back to his bungalow, when he'd stopped to kiss me in the moonlight, but was interrupted.

He wouldn't have remembered any of those kisses; he _didn't_ remember any of those near kisses.

My heart picked up because he was leaning towards me, his breath sharp and shallow as he battled the demons in his head. I could see the pain on his features in the dim light, and I knew whoever she was would haunt him forever unless he did something about it.

All of that didn't seem to matter, though. He was right there, his hand was holding mine gently but firmly as if he didn't want to let go. His pain was obvious, and he'd been so honest, so open with me, that my brain completely gave up the fight when my heart gave it another option.

Edward was going to kiss me, and there were no opposing arguments from my conscience. There should have been, but there weren't. I was flying solo, blindly, into something that was completely unknown.

It was unknown because Edward made me feel drastically different from Jasper. It was like comparing the ghost train in a theme park with its biggest rollercoaster; like comparing vanilla ice-cream to your favourite, most exotic flavour.

Jasper was safe, easy and assuring.

Edward was dangerous, difficult and consuming.

I was tired, emotionally and mentally, and I didn't want to fight anymore. He was too close, I wasn't quick enough to react and pull back.

Any of those excuses would have sounded feeble.

The truth was that I just didn't want to fight it. I wanted to know what it would feel like, if I'd been imagining the pull I had towards him or if he'd felt it, too.

"Bella," he whispered, his hand landing gently on my jean covered leg. Even through the thick material I could feel the heat that spread from that point.

With my right hand tightly gripping his, my left found his shoulder, then the back of his neck under the wool of his beanie, and our lips found each other. He was tentative, barely even there, and it shocked me.

It didn't fit with everything I knew about his character, and I realized he was trying to be different.

I pressed my mouth more firmly to his, revelling in the feeling it provoked in me. When my tongue tentatively traced his closed lips, his taste was as good as I could have imagined, and his groan as satisfying as it could have been.

Where his breathing had been stuttered and exaggerated before, it was now laboured in a different way entirely as he breathed heavily down his nose. Our tongues touched tentatively, like the rest of our kiss, and I felt my eyes roll back behind my eyelids.

It never even occurred to me that I was kissing_ the_ Edward Cullen.

It didn't even occur to me that I was kissing Edward Cullen, playboy and asshole extraordinaire. Everything he had revealed to me in the near darkness had me seeing him in a different light – excuse the pun. He was just Edward at that moment, and the way he was kissing me made me feel like I might never come down from the high I'd floated up to.

His long piano and guitar-trained fingers gripped my thigh, wrapping around the top of it where we sat, and the strength in his grip made me moan. Or it could have been the way he pushed forward, making our kiss more insistent – I was too overloaded with sensation to really pinpoint.

When he bit down on my bottom lip, I pulled away surprised, not entirely by the action, but because I enjoyed it. I was tingling in places I had rarely tingled, and I noticed that Edward had been the only one to bring that out in me when things between us heated up.

The plane.

All the word foreplay that night in his hotel.

In his bed.

The flashing movie of images in my head made me hotter, made me want him more, like it was all building up as sexual tension I couldn't take. I didn't think I even knew what sexual tension felt like.

Our mouths being apart wasn't good enough. I latched myself back onto him, my hand jerking his head back to mine and his groan of surprise washed over me, settling low in my stomach.

There was a reason we were supposed to stop. A reason why we shouldn't have been making out in the dark in my recording studio.

It wasn't because I deserved more like everyone thought.

It wasn't because he still wasn't giving me enough to even begin to trust him.

It hit me like a freight train and I pulled back abruptly, fighting my newfound obsession with Edward's soft lips. The same lips that looked darker and fuller when my eyes fell on them.

The face I was looking at wasn't the right one.

I mean, it could have been the right one, but I'd made the wrong decision.

I mean, I'd made _a_ decision, a _different_ decision.

I shook my head because I was confused. I'd never been so conflicted before. I wanted to go right back to kissing Edward, and he seemed to want the same thing. He seemed concerned as he watched me sort through the mess of thoughts in my head.

His eyes sparkled in the light from his phone as it shone up into them, and it made me happy to see them clear and focused. His skin looked like it had a slight flush to it, and it made him look healthier than he had the day before.

The previous day was ultimately what had made my decision for me. He was a completely different person to me then. He was cocky, selfish, complicated, unreasonable and an asshole.

All of that had drastically changed.

He had been judged wrongly.

He was still loyal.

He had still never lied to me.

He had been honest and open, truthful about his concerns, what had hurt him, why it had hurt him, and even tried to let me know – in the only way he knew how – that it wasn't my fault that he was the way he was.

He'd tried because he wanted to make the effort.

_For me._

For the same me who was no longer available because I'd jumped into something else.

The same me who would either have to hurt Jasper to take a chance on Edward, or basically turn around and tell Edward that despite everything it wasn't enough and I'd kissed him because I wanted to know what it was like.

I was sounding more and more like my mother by the minute, and the mere thought of it made me feel ill.

"Edward, this…" I shook my head, trying to put as much space between our lips as possible, as if I could defy the pull he exerted over me. I tried again. "We can't…."

His hand lifted off my thigh and his fingers streaked through his hair, taking his beanie off with them. I didn't miss the loss of him until he pulled his other hand out of my grasp and grabbed his phone.

"I should let you get some sleep, it's late. Early…whatever…"

He was gone. Emotionally he'd completely shut off, detached himself from the situation, as if he was trying to save himself from getting hurt.

Didn't he know that ignoring something didn't make it go away?

With that thought I finally realized something astounding about the man in front of me.

No, he didn't.

No one had gone through that with him, it was like a chunk of his childhood wasn't there, like no one had cared enough to teach him something as basic as facing his problems.

It was sad, tragic really.

He was a grown man, but when something had the capability of hurting him or changing things in a way he didn't want, he'd pull himself away, ignore it as if it would go away or fix itself.

"Edward, please. Don't just shut down. Don't you want to know why?"

Why the hell was I asking him that? It would just make me sound like a complete bitch when I then turned around and told him it was because his best friend had swooped in and claimed me for himself.

I frowned at that thought. No one had the capability of claiming me; I wasn't a possession. So then, why did it feel that way any time I thought of Jasper and my agreeing to be his girlfriend?

"I'm not good enough for you, Bella. I get it," he replied shortly.

I screamed in aggravation. "Would people stop assuming they know what's best for me and what isn't? You don't even know me, Edward! Jasper was the same!" I shot off the sofa during my rant, my arms outstretched as I paced in front of where Edward was perched.

The sun had come up during our talk and the morning sunlight was filtering through the windows along the side wall of my room, illuminating the myriad of colourful streaks in Edward's haphazard hair.

"Jasper?"

"He told me everything, Edward. All about picking you up and what you were like, all the things you said, the way you shut down the next day. I know all about what was said when you came back from wherever you were-"

"London."

"What?" I asked, perplexed that he'd interrupted me.

"I was back in London."

"Oh…" I replied lamely. I saw it for what it was – he was trying to give me as much as he could manage, but he didn't know I'd already made my decision.

The wrong decision.

_No_, the right decision.

"Edward, he told me that he didn't know I was the same girl. He, well he-he said that he didn't mean to hurt you because he didn't know I was the girl you'd talked about…he's really hurt about it…"

"What the fuck are you trying to say, Bella? Spit it out."

I cringed, knowing that this was the end of anything we'd had going.

"He said he couldn't help it but he really liked me…Edward, he asked me to be his girlfriend…"

His entire body was rigid, his breathing practically non-existent. If it wasn't for the rise and fall of his shoulders, I would have worried he'd passed out or something.

"Edward?"

"What did you tell him?" His voice was small, pained, as if he knew exactly what was coming.

"I said yes, I-"

He was on his feet quicker than I could have anticipated, and his movement made me wobble on the spot as he brushed passed me.

"Edward…" Shouting his name did nothing as he walked to the door and disappeared into the corridor.

I had to go after him – something inside me told me I couldn't let him think it was an easy decision.

I should have realized with that thought alone.

"Edward, I didn't…" I was about to tell him I didn't know, but I had, Jasper had told me everything _before_ I'd said yes. This was all on me.

"I didn't think you could be like that, okay! I had you down as some un-saveable asshole with no thought for anyone but himself! I thought I was making the right decision for me! I didn't think you'd show up and tell me the truth and-"

He stopped before the top of the stairs, turning to face me, angry and hurt.

"And what, Bella? Try? Make the effort? Show you that I'm not some heartless animal? That I do actually care? That I was scared of letting you anywhere near me, but even with knowing nothing about you I knew I had to try?"

He laughed almost mechanically and I cringed at the robotic sound. He was gone inside.

"You just let me make a fool of myself, Bella! Fuck, you just led me on only to crush me all over again!" He was yelling, pain infused, breathless shouts of torment ripping through me where I stood.

"I…I can't believe this is happening again…"

I buckled as his departing whisper reached my ears. My hand shot out and grasped the doorframe to keep me on my feet and I kept my eyes glued to the spot he'd just vacated.

He'd told me I was nothing like her, whoever "her" was, but I'd done the one thing he was terrified would happen again. I'd hurt him, let him down.

I'd led him on, he was right.

This one was all on me.

There was no way he could know that just being around him, talking to him when he was being so…normal…was like breathing. It felt so easy, so right to hold his hand, to listen to him open up.

There was nothing in the world that compared to being kissed by him, caressed under his strong hands.

I'd never get that again.

Heidi's face appeared in my line of vision, and one look at her told me she'd heard it. She knew what had happened, maybe not in detail, but she'd heard our ending argument.

As she wrapped me in her arms and my eyes found a concerned and almost angry Felix, I had to wonder whether I really had made the right choice.

There was a world of hurt at my feet and it was all down to me.

One look at Felix told me what he was worried about. Would Edward want to stay here? He'd been running all his life – that much was obvious now. Would he be able to come to work every day knowing I was here?

Had I just ruined a working relationship between Felix and Edward? Lost Felix a client and a lot of money?

I was contemplating all of the hurt and problems I'd caused in a few hours, and not once did Jasper enter my mind.

It was all around Edward and how everyone else would be with Edward after what I'd done.

I didn't stop to think about whether I should tell Jasper about our kiss, Edward's confessions, his desire to let me in.

There was an ache in my chest, and as Heidi squeezed me tighter, I realized that thoughts of Jasper neither dulled it, or even came close to it.

That should have clued me in, too.

"_Should've turned around and left before the sun came up again,_

_But the sun came up again._

_I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen_

_I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing_

_I'm an assassin and I had a job to do,_

_Little did I know, that girl was an assassin, too."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Song without Googling? A certain guitar playing God, who I think E is very like actually :P**

**Okay, were the tissues used?**

**How do we feel? Please let me know :):)**

**Follow me on twitter for teasers and goss :) And my blog, too, if that's easier for you :)**

**See y'all soon!**

**Xx**


	20. Decisions and Consequences

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**I know you just want to get on with reading, but I want to take a couple minutes of your time to say a massive thank you to everyone for their support and encouragement over the last two months. It's been a long time to wait and I apologise, but it may continue to take me this long from now on. I will never give up on any of my stories (if any of you are reading FMN know that it is on it's way) :)**

**So thank you for your patience! I am loving my new home, my new city & in a new country and I am settling in perfectly with great new friends and adventures :) University takes up a lot of time, and the work I'm doing is both challenging and rewarding - which is why I have barely any time to write for you guys, but I promise I will push on :)**

**So...without further ado...onwards! Lol, you may want to re-read the end of the last chapter and remember your frustration at what happened :P**

**This chapter was beta'd by the lovely _batgirl8968_ so thank her for your reading pleasure :)**

**I disclaim.**

**Enjoy xx**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Decisions and Consequences**

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?"

Heidi's voice was concerned and wary, as if she wasn't sure how I was going to react, how I was feeling inside.

I didn't know how I was feeling inside, so good luck to her.

I shake my head, staring straight ahead at the wall of my booth.

I was sitting on the piano stool with Heidi perched on the edge of the sofa behind me.

I couldn't even look at it when I re-entered my room, I didn't want the reminder of what had happened there. As if I could ever forget it.

I was sure the feeling of Edward's strong grasp, pliant lips and soft hair would forever be burned in my memory. Scorched there for everyone to see the second they looked deep enough into my eyes.

"Ok-ay," she continued, and it was clear she was trying to think of something to change the subject to as the silence stretched between us. "What were you even doing here? It looks like you slept here or something."

_Or something._

I had every intention of sleeping when I had arrived. I was sure I'd never sleep again without the memories of early that morning chasing me through dreams.

Edward's passion. His touch. His resoluteness that I believe him. His conviction and belief in what he had to tell me.

His pain as he shut down. The hurt and anger etched into his face. The disappointment and fear in his voice.

The latter was sure to haunt me in nightmares for eons to come.

"I did. I had to get out of the hotel. In fact, I need to go back and change our rooms. I don't want to be anywhere near my mom anymore."

Heidi whistled lowly and I turned to look at her.

"Fighting talk, my dear. I love it!" She clapped her hands together, causing a smile to break across my face.

I had to forget about Edward and Jasper. Forget about such a simple thing as my love life and friends, and focus on myself.

I knew in my mind I didn't want to live in a hotel for the duration of my stay at Volturi studios, but until I found somewhere to call my own, I was no longer staying in the same suite as my mother.

It was a day for decisions and changes in my life. I would visit the bank, sort out a sort of payment so Renee wasn't completely cut off, make sure my funds were all my own, and start paying for a humble room for myself.

I thought I might even change locations. It was certain my decisions wouldn't go down well with my mother, but it was time she figured out that I would no longer bend to her will.

It was true I didn't even want her as my manager, but despite all she had done to make me feel worthless to her, I couldn't leave her on her own with no means of surviving. She'd never had another job, I wasn't sure if she knew how to do anything else.

In Forks, she'd always been a stay-at-home mom, looking after the house and me while my father protected the town from criminals and villains. That was the way I'd always seen it as a child anyway.

"What time do you finish?" I asked Heidi, more than wanting her support but knowing she couldn't just drop her work.

"I'm on all day, honey, sorry."

I nodded without turning to look at her, unease washing through me before I shook myself to get it together. I was nineteen years of age; it was about time I did things by myself and for myself instead of counting on other people to be there for me.

Going to the bank wasn't a hard thing to do. Asking the girl at reception in the hotel for another room wasn't a hard thing to do.

I stood quickly before I gave myself a chance to change my mind and smiled at Heidi when she arched her eyebrow in question.

"It's time for a change, I think. How does getting time off from this place work exactly? Is it just the Cullen name that allows you to walk in and out when you want?"

Heidi laughed lightly before standing to her full height in front of me.

"Until you're raking in the millions like he is I'm afraid it's like any other job. However, I'll cover for you today because you look like you need it. If you're finished in time you can always come back because Seth and James will be here all day working out plans and schedules for you."

Heidi hooked her arm through mine before steering us both out into the quiet corridor and along towards the stairs. Felix had disappeared not long after Edward had dashed out into the morning sun and I hadn't seen him since. At his sudden vanishing act Heidi tried to reassure me that he just needed to make a few phone calls.

She didn't need to say it. He was planning for the future, the one where Edward told him he wanted out of his contract, or one of us moved to another location.

My heart clenched painfully in my chest at that newest thought. I hadn't banked on Felix actually giving him what he wanted. What if one of us was moved? I knew enough of Volturi to know there was a studio in London, Rome and New York. Did I want to move? Would I move?

However, the question bothering me the most was, would Edward leave? Did I want Edward to leave? I wasn't sure what it would be like for him to vanish as quickly as he had appeared in my life. I wasn't sure I wanted to wake up every day knowing it was my fault.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Heidi's voice broke through my blurry thoughts as she stopped us at her desk.

"I just…I want to get things sorted…settle in. I don't want to stay with my mom, I don't want to rely on her or anyone else and I want to feel at home here. Maybe if I get all the little things sorted then I can focus on my music, because at the moment it's not going anywhere."

I would have felt offended when she laughed in response, but she'd been listening to me complain about being stuck lyrically for weeks, so she knew exactly how I was feeling in regards to my lack of inspiration.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?" I shook my head. I wanted the walk; hopefully it would help me clear my head. The branch of bank I needed to visit wasn't far away and I could always hail a cab from there back to the hotel. God knew I needed to change and freshen up before I came back to work.

_Edward hadn't cared what I was wearing._

I shook my head – that didn't matter.

Anyway, it was dark; he probably couldn't even see me.

Without an appointment made in advance I was told to take a seat, and even offered a cup of coffee while I waited. I took in my lavish surroundings, from the marble floors to the homely seating and waiting areas with thick rugs and comfortable seats.

I watched the people coming and going: business men in power suits, talking obnoxiously into their cell phones, to their female counterparts, hurrying across the foyer and smiling kindly at whoever served them behind the counter; women with impatient kids trying to balance them with the important tasks they came in to see to.

I found myself smiling at a little girl who held her mom's hand as she talked over the high counter, gazing around her with wide eyes while twisting her feet.

"Miss Swan?" I was greeted by an older woman with a genuine smile and a shake of the hand before she led me into one of the offices that lined the room.

I felt strangely at ease as the frosted glass door closed us off from the hustle and bustle and sat down gently in the chair she offered me.

"What can I do for you today?" she asked me with another smile, her eyes flicking between me and her laptop screen.

"I actually want to talk to you about my account. I want to know how much was transferred, how much was left in my original and maybe see a statement for my old one?"

The look she shot me was one of both intrigue and sympathy and something in her eyes told me to keep talking, like she'd understand where I was coming from better.

"My mom was in charge of all my finances, but recently I've come to realize that maybe she wasn't being entirely honest with it all. I just want to look back at the old account because I think it was in my name but she had power over it or something? I want to know how much came and went back then."

She nodded without saying anything, turned to her screen and started tapping away, her long fingernails clicking against the keyboard.

"Can I see some ID and your bank card, dear?" I handed them over, expecting this as Heidi talked me through it.

I had tried not to feel inadequate at the time but it was difficult. Who didn't know what to do when they walked into a bank at the age of nineteen? I had some serious catching up to do in the ways of the world and it wasn't something I was particularly proud of.

"Okay, so I'll print off a statement for your original account, which is still active – how long would you like me to backdate it?"

I hesitated because I wasn't sure. "How far back can you take it?"

"I'm afraid I only have the last six months on the system, would you like that?"

I nodded, a lump forming in my throat because I honestly didn't know what to expect. How bad was it going to be? I was beginning to see that I had been taken for a ride, but I was starting to doubt whether I really wanted to know just how bad it was.

I wasn't sure what it said about me if I was still holding out to be proved wrong. Was that a flaw on my own personality or just a deep seated trust in the one person I should believe in most of all?

"What was it you wanted to know about your newest account?" she asked me as the printer whirred from somewhere underneath her desk. I was reading the name-plate on her desk and had to turn my attention back to her

"Uh – I guess I can see how much was transferred into it from the statement you're printing, so I guess that's all. Oh, no, can I set up some sort of transfer where I can put money in someone's account every month without needing to do it manually?"

Mary nodded before turning back to her computer and tapping away quickly on her keyboard. I watched her for a few minutes as her eyes scanned whatever information was on her screen and she filled it in before turning back to me.

She asked for the details of the account, the amount I wanted to set up and what date of the month I wanted it taken out. It only took her a matter of minutes to have it all settled and I wondered why I had left it so long when it was clearly so easy.

She handed me back my card and ID with that same smile, and I stuffed them back into my bag as I pondered asking her the question that was on my mind or not. Eventually her kindness won out and I felt less foolish asking for her opinion and advice.

"Uh – if I was looking to rent or buy a property, would I have to talk to you guys or just go straight to a realtor?"

"Well, if you were to buy and needed a mortgage or loan, you'd have to see us first to see what your options could be, but if you're just starting out with a rental, you can do that by yourself with whatever realtor you choose. Are you new to the area?"

"Uh – yeah, I moved here for work and I'm still staying in a hotel at the moment. I'd like my own space, I think."

She chuckled lightly at my added uncertainty. "Good luck, my dear. I'm sure you'll find something fabulous."

By the twinkle in her eye I knew she was referring to the amount of money sitting dormant in my account. I laughed lightly, feeling freer as my decision settled in. If I had my way, I'd be moving into my own place as soon as was possible.

I folded the statement in half, burying it deep in my bag for a later inspection and thanked Mary Cope for her services. With that off my mind I hailed a taxi and asked the driver to drop me off at our hotel, noticing the way he rolled his eyes as if I had no right to be going there. Considering how I was dressed, I didn't really blame him.

I walked up to the reception desk with more confidence than I left with in the middle of the night. The tall guy behind it smiled at me warmly as I approached, cementing my resolve to get away from my mother.

"Miss Swan, what can I do for you?" I ignored the unease that settled over me at the fact that he knew exactly who I was and took a deep breath.

"I was wondering if you had any spare rooms or suites?"

He looked surprised for a moment before clicking the mouse on his computer a few times and turning back to me with a smile. "We have a guest checking out of the Premiere Suite in a few hours, the rate is seven hundred ninety five dollars a night, or we have a one bedroom suite left for four seven five."

Considering I was already paying nearly nine hundred dollars for the suite I was sharing with Renee, I decided to go with the one bedroom, knowing I didn't need too much space for myself.

"The one bedroom will be perfect," I answered him, pulling my card from my bag.

"I already have your details on record Miss Swan, I don't need to see that," he answered, waving my card off with a smile. "Is there something wrong with the suite you're currently occupying?"

"Not the suite, no, just the company."

He looked taken aback, but decided not to answer me straight away. "Would you like me to change the payment on the other room to your mother?"

I actually took the time to think it over before I shook my head. It wouldn't be fair to land it on her unexpectedly, especially when she no longer had access to the same staggering amount of money as she was used to.

"No, thank you, I'll pay both for now."

"How long would you like me to reserve this new room for?" he asked me, not lifting his eyes from his screen.

"Uhm…" I hesitated because I had no idea. I wanted my own place, but I had no idea how long something like that would take.

"How about I put you down for three weeks, and if you need more time you can extend it?"

I smiled at him kindly, nodding my assent. His friendly demeanour lifted my spirits and I found myself feeling a million times better as I made my way up to the suite to change.

I decided that seeing as I was already out of work, I'd take the time to pack up my things, ready for a hotel employee to move them to my new suite. A shower and change of clothes later, I felt more human, ready to return to work, my turbulent emotions buried deep inside where they wouldn't bother me.

I felt comfortable and normal, and most importantly, like me in my skinny jeans and stone washed t-shirt. I slipped my high top Converse on, a long black chain necklace around my neck and my brown aviator jacket over my arms.

On my way out I made sure to let reception know they could move my bags to my new suite and exited out into the sun with a lighter feeling over my head.

**~BtG~**

"Bella, Bella, Bella," James greeted me as I walked in, a smile breaking across his face. It gave me hope that maybe not everyone had heard of what had happened that morning and hated me for chasing Volturi's biggest client away.

I smiled in uncertainty, not sure what I was about to be faced with. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was excited about something, and I wasn't sure I knew him well enough to know whether to worry or not.

As I placed my bag down on one of the empty chairs, he grabbed me gently by the shoulders and steered me into one beside his.

"You've been holding out on me, girl. I want to feel offended, but I'm much too excited to care right now," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

I looked at him in confusion as he turned his attention to the dials and buttons in front of him. Before I had a chance to ask him just what he was getting at, familiar guitar strains floated from the speaker nearest me and my heart-rate picked up in nervousness.

"This," he pointed with both hands at the speaker before continuing. "There are no words – you've been holding out on me. If Felix hadn't handed me this earlier, I wouldn't even know, Bells. Where did this go?"

He was smiling so broadly that I couldn't help but smile bashfully in return. A blush spread across my face and neck, but it didn't matter because I'd forgotten about that song. It was playing around us and I could hear how good I was, remember how much fun I had singing it, how excited I was to learn it was going to be in a British blockbuster. How had I forgotten those days?

I'd let myself get caught up in Edward and in Jasper, and all the other new things that had come with this lifestyle. Like staying in amazing hotels and being amazed that a-list celebrities wanted my time. With one look at James' face, I knew I needed to get back to the way I was, when the industry hadn't crept into my outlook on things, when I enjoyed every single little thing I got the opportunity to do.

"I haven't written anything new in such a long time. I can't seem to get back to that. I can't string more than a few notes together and even trying is stressing me out."

"Just take your time. We don't need a number one out of you straight away. Hell, Bella, with songs like this already to your name, you don't need anything right now. I could put you in a club with a piano and I know everyone would walk out completely blown away."

"I…I don't know, J, these songs don't belong to me anymore. They were bought up by other artists. Won't everyone just think I'm copying, that I have nothing original to offer?"

"No. Some might not believe that you originally wrote these, but most will. And even then, your voice is so good that the minority won't even care."

James must have seen the apprehension on my face because he continued softly, turning the music down so that he wasn't competing with it.

"I have an idea, but if you don't like it, we won't do it, okay?"

I nodded, my lip caught between my teeth as I waited for him to enlighten me.

"I want you to sing one song a day, songs that are already in your back-catalogue, the way you originally wrote them; completely stripped back with just the barest minimum of instruments and back-up, and I'm going to video it; just intimate and you. We'll pop them on the studio's _YouTube _page, and slowly but surely the world will know exactly who you are and love you as much as we do."

I wasn't completely comfortable with the idea, with being filmed and posted online for anyone and everyone to tear me to shreds and I was sure James could see that in my eyes. However, I didn't want to be the scared little girl I was sure everyone had seen me as at least at one point, so I sucked it up and nodded my head slowly. I watched his eyes widen a fraction before he managed to cover his surprise and smiled faintly when he blurred into action.

I sat quietly in my chair as he made calls and arranged both his booth and mine to make room for the extra musicians and technology that we'd need to succeed in our new endeavour. He handed me a single sheet of paper and it took only one glance for me to realize it was a list of every song I had written or performed in chronological order. He mouthed "choose one" over to me while on the phone with Felix and I felt my hands start to shake as I scanned the list I already knew by heart.

With the momentous fuck-up of a morning I'd just had, there really was only one choice, but I eked it out as long as I could, until there was no time left and James was watching me carefully for an answer.

I pointed it out, both of us ignoring the way my finger obviously shook, and he nodded with an infectious grin.

James decided that I was too worried and too nervous for anyone else to be present and was thankful that my song choice needed no one else – it was just me and my piano, the way it always should be in my opinion.

"Go do me proud," he whispered.

"_Doing everything that I believe in,_

_Going by the rules that I've been taught._

_More understanding of what's around me_

_And protected from the walls of love._

_But you've got to make choices_

_Be wrong or right_

_Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like."_

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think, as always I love your reviews :)**

**Song without Googling?**

**And don't forget I'm always on twitter and I post teasers over on my blog so you can follow me there, too :)**

**Xx**


	21. Break Away

**Author's Chapter Note:**

**I realise most of you will have forgotten what happened last, but I don't want to put a summary here for everyone who just wants to get on with it! The end of the last two chapters will refresh your memory - you don't have to read all of them :)**

**Anyways! If there's anyone still left out there, I'd like to thank you all for your encouragement and support over the last 7 or so months, you guys rock and I've never met any of you! Thank you to everyone who reviews, everyone who rec's, and even to those of you who've been inspired to write your own!**

**I hope you enjoy our gentle break back in to Bella's head :)**

**Big love to my beta dani for getting this done when she had a boatload of uni work to do, and to my validator and partner in crime devilsgenie for always being so awesome :D**

**See you at the bottom!**

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Break Away**

**Bella's POV**

_I grew up in a small town, and when the rain would fall down,_

_I'd just stare out my window, _

_Dreaming of what could be, and if I'd end up happy_

_I would pray…_

_Trying hard to reach out, but when I tried to speak out,_

_It felt like no one could hear me._

_Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here,_

_So I prayed I could breakaway._

My fingers were shaking on the keys, but the steady drum beat behind me and Jamie's reassuring smile from the other side of the glass told me all I needed to know. No one was really watching – it was just a camera with a little green light – if I got it wrong we could start over without anyone the wiser.

At first I'd hated having to restart with band members, always thinking they were judging me, talking behind my back that I couldn't even get my own songs right when they could, but over the weeks I'd become happy in my little booth, content to let things happen my way. Now, if I needed to start again, we started again, and they'd turn their sheets back to the beginning and wait for my cue. Everything was on my terms. Jamie was right, it had just taken me a while to realise it.

With the guitar kicking in as strong and sure as ever, I found my voice and continued to sing a song I was sure I'd never forget the words to, every lyric resonating within me.

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky._

_And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and break away,_

_But I won't forget all the ones that I love._

_I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway._

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jamie do a little dance in his seat, and I couldn't help but smile. Maybe I was finally going to get it right. I focused my thoughts and moved on to the second verse, ignoring the camera and the man controlling it.

_I wanna feel the warm breeze, sleep under a palm tree, feel the rush of the ocean, _

_Get on board a fast train, travel on a jet plane, _

_Far away, I'll breakaway._

David, I think his name was, circled the piano and followed the guitar rhythm instead, giving me a few precious seconds to collect myself without the eyes of the world potentially seeing it. Jamie was convinced the rising hits on YouTube were a sure sign of success, but I had no idea if the amount our – _my_ – channel had were a lot or not. I tried not to pay attention, not wanting to know either way.

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky._

_And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway,_

_But I won't forget all the ones that I love._

_I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change and breakaway._

The door behind Jamie opened and Felix walked in, but I told myself I had to finish the song and ignore everything else until I had. It had been over two weeks since I'd last posted a video, and Jamie was nervous that too long would allow the "followers" to lose interest. I had to get it right and get it up online.

_Buildings with a hundred floors, swinging 'round revolving doors,_

_Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but,_

_Gotta keep moving on, moving on,_

_Fly away, breakaway._

_I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly._

_Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye,_

_I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change,_

_And breakaway._

_Out of the darkness and into the sun_

_But I won't forget the place I come from_

_I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change,_

_And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway._

I held my breath until the last strains of both the guitars and the piano had died away. Until I was sure the camera was off and everything was done. Until I was sure I couldn't muck it up by doing something wrong.

I'd clearly been sat too still for too long because Jamie opened the door between his booth and mine with a worried look on his face. With a reassuring smile, I wiped my sweating palms on my jeans and followed him out into the even cooler space where Felix stood smiling happily.

"You sound like you're making progress, Bells. I'm happy, and sorry it took you so long to feel comfortable here." His happy smile slipped momentarily, and he looked troubled before he schooled his features.

"I am. And it wasn't your fault, or anybody's really, I just never thought I'd have a permanent place to belong after so many years of working for everyone and no one."

Jamie's hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed before he cleared his throat and changed the subject.

"Madame here is well on course to hit six hundred thousand views once this video goes up – people are loving her!" he told Felix with barely restrained enthusiasm. "Not to mention that no publicity is bad publicity…things are looking up," he added with a concerned look shot my way and a smirk shot Felix's afterwards.

I knew what he was talking about, and it filled me with dread to think that maybe other people thought that way too. That I'd only been pictured with Jasper to get my name out there, that I'd only accepted his friendship because I knew what his name could do for mine. It wasn't true, I wasn't like that, but it didn't stop some of his "most loyal fans" from calling me a limelight whore and other such hurtful things.

Jamie told me time and again they were only jealous because Jasper had chosen to spend his time with me and never would them, but I couldn't ever completely get their words out of my head.

What bothered me the most was, what if Jasper thought that way too?

It had been three weeks since my kiss with Edward and I'd only spoken to him once. The same day Edward had walked away from me – broken – I'd broken Jasper, too.

He'd come to the studio around lunchtime, smiling without a care in the world, but that smile had slipped the second he took in my expression and Heidi's hand on my shoulder. She'd come to make sure I was holding up during my lunch break, and Jasper had walked in just as I'd managed to dry my tears.

I hadn't been crying for me; I knew I had no right to do that. It was my fault, all my fault. I'd made a decision despite having doubts and then gone back on it not a day later, hurting two best friends and pitting them against each other. Of course, I hadn't known the latter until my conversation with Jasper was over, but his parting words would forever haunt me.

"We're done. All the times I've looked after him, helped him out and stood by him, and what for, huh? Just so he could go and ruin something else?" he shouted angrily.

"Jasper, it wasn't his fault! He had no idea you'd…"

"WHAT? Gotten in there first? That didn't matter, Bella! He knew how I felt about you, dammit. I'd told him enough times! And for the first time I thought he'd be happy for me! Stand by _me_!"

"I…"

"He knew, Bella! _He knew!_ So how does that make you feel now, huh? Still sure he's the innocent one in all of this? That we've hurt _him_? God, you're delusional!" I'd flinched. I deserved his wrath, but it still didn't make it any easier to take.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know that doesn't mean much, but I am, you have to believe that."

He looked at me softly before answering, and his resigned attitude seemed to hurt more than the anger. He was broken, and despite it not being the time, I couldn't help but remember how Edward had been the same. I'd broken them both by using the other.

"I do believe you, Bella. I just wish he didn't exist. None of this would have happened if he wasn't around. It seems I can't have anything without him ruining it somehow."

I fought the way my brow wanted to furrow, wondering what else Edward had ruined for Jasper. Up until that point, I thought they'd always been the best of friends and that Jasper didn't know what it was that made Edward the way he was. It was at that moment I realised he'd been lying to me, too, only I was in no position to call him out on it.

Jasper had walked out of my door, leaving the lunch he'd brought for the two of us sitting on Jamie's chair. I'd felt nothing when the door clicked shut behind him. There was no pain, hatred, disappointment. No tugging in my chest that made me want to follow him and beg him to stay.

It wasn't the same as Edward walking away from me. If I hadn't known before, I knew then that Edward meant more to me than Jasper ever would. I'd made the wrong decision, epically, and it was all my fault.

"I hear you and Heidi are off to check out some properties?" Felix asked with a smile, bringing me out of my reverie. My eyes snap to his and I smile faintly. Thinking of Edward would never wear off, and the feelings it brought with it took a while to fade from my system too. The way Felix looked at me told me he knew exactly how I was feeling and what had been going through my head as we'd stood there.

"Yep, I think we have two during lunch," I answer, some of my happiness seeping back through.

Felix had heard about my little plan to move out of the hotel and get settled and had kindly offered the services of the family estate agent to help me out. I know, the family had an estate agent. I worried at first that the sort of estate agent they used wouldn't even know what an apartment in my budget would look like, but he'd laughed it off and told me not to worry about it.

He'd been right, of course. Over the last week, Kate – the estate agent – had shown Heidi and me three different apartments, all in my budget, close to the area and decent in both size and look. Problem was, none of them were very me. I'd never shopped for a home before, obviously, but I felt it was sort of like buying a wedding dress: you didn't know the one until you were in it.

"Say hi to her for me when you get downstairs, yeah?"

I nodded with a giggle. "As if you haven't seen her at least three times by now today?" Jamie laughed, but when Felix shot him a glare, he turned it into a cough, somewhere in which there was a "whipped" thrown in.

Laughing, I picked up my bag and jacket – it was cooler than usual outside – and headed out into the corridor, leaving Jamie being beat up by Felix and ignoring his shouts for help.

I sat patiently on what I discovered to be one of the comfiest sofas in the world that reside in our foyer as I wait for Heidi to finish a client call at reception. I watched as people I've never seen before walk in and out of doors, some with instruments in hand, some in suits with cell phones glued to their ears, and some who've just walked into the impressive building to have a look around the ground floor.

When she was finished, we headed out into the dull grey weather and hailed a cab, Heidi reading an address she wrote down when Kate called to tell her where we were going. It was barely five minutes before we were pulling up, stopping on Sunset Boulevard. No way could I afford an apartment on Sunset Boulevard.

I must have said my thoughts aloud as Heidi answered me. "West Sunset Boulevard, Bella, west." She chuckled good-naturedly and ushered me out of the back of the car. We'd barely left the hub of activity we worked in. It probably would have taken us just as long to walk, and I wondered why we hadn't.

"Bella, have you seen these shoes? I'm not walking anywhere if I don't have to," Heidi said as way of an explanation, and when I checked out her shoes, I knew exactly what she meant. They were_ high._

I glanced up and down the street, seeing people coming and going, shops, restaurants and lots of traffic. It wasn't peaceful looking or quiet, but instead of putting me off, it made me like it a little more. Somehow it reminded me of the little flat I shared with Renee when we were in New York.

The apartments were directly above a Japanese grill, and Heidi wasted no time in telling me she _loves_ Japanese food. I rolled my eyes because, without even seeing the inside of it, I could tell she loved it.

We rounded the corner onto North Hayward Avenue – I checked the street sign – and found Kate waiting for us, smile in place and keys in hand. I noticed the block had underground parking as we passed it and wondered if I'd ever have a little car of my own, too.

"Each of the apartments has its own name, and lucky you are here to see Sunset. It's on the corner and it's the penthouse." Kate dived straight into her sales pitch, but at the look of horror on my face, she laughed. "Don't worry, Bella, you can afford this place. Trust me a little, okay?"

I nodded, a little shocked that I could afford a penthouse on Sunset Boulevard, but kept my mouth shut. She swiped a card and led us through an automatic wooden gate that, instead of leading us into a building, led us into an immaculately kept courtyard situated in the middle of all the apartments.

My jaw dropped as Heidi turned to smile and wink in my direction. Three tall, thin trees lined either side, with shrubs and bushes filling in the ground space. Down the middle sat a wide paved area, complete with marble arches reaching overhead. At the other end, we reached another door to which Kate typed in a code before ushering us inside to a sort of reception area.

"Okay, so this is where I tell you that onsite amenities include private parking, four outdoor rooftop sky lounges, a sports lounge, a fitness studio and Yoga loft, wet and dry saunas, an infinity swimming pool and spa, an internet lounge for all residents, three large lounge areas – one with a bar – and a twenty-four hour manned security and reception desk."

"This place is amazing," is about all I managed to get out through the awe of what she'd just told me.

"Good, now I can show you the apartment."

We spent the rest of the afternoon giggling like teenagers as we wandered around the apartment – _the penthouse – _taking note of the views, the granite finishes, the concrete and marble floors, the amazing bath tub, the vaulting ceilings and even the high tech gadgets in the kitchen. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with it, and it took me even less time to decide I wanted it.

"I have two. They're both identical in shape, just the opposite way around. The only difference is the view. You can either wake up to the skyline of Los Angeles or the backdrop of the Hollywood Hills, and Bella, it's completely up to you."

I take a look around the unit I was standing in. Taking in the white staircase that led to the second bedroom on the balcony that overlooked the lounge, the outdoor balcony that led to the skyline of LA, the light wooded kitchen and even the plush rug between the plasma and the sofa.

"I want this one," I answered positively. I'd fallen in love with this one, and I knew if I saw the other one I'd never be able to choose.

"Excellent! I'll have you sign this now and fax the rest of the paperwork over to the office. I'm sure Felix will agree to be your guarantor, so that shouldn't be a problem." She flicked through the file she'd been carrying around all afternoon before setting a single sheaf of paper down on the breakfast bar and a pen on top of it.

"How much is it?" Heidi asked next, and I instantly felt foolish for saying I'd take it before even enquiring.

"This one comes in at three thousand nine hundred a month," Kate answered coolly. My eyes bugged a little, and I had to remember that I'd worked out four thousand as my topmost limit when I'd talked to Heidi about finding a place of my own. Kate had done what I'd asked of her and found me a little paradise to call my own that was technically within my budget, even if I'd loved it to be less.

"It's perfect, Kate. Thank you so much for finding this."

She waved me off with a perfectly manicured hand. "It's my job, Bella. Now, now that you've signed that, I'll fax the rest over this afternoon. I should be able to get the keys to you within the next three to four days, and after that, it's all yours to do with as you please."

Heidi squealed in excitement before throwing her arms around me and jumping us both up and down. As Kate walked us out, locking the door behind us, I couldn't help but think things were finally looking up.

All I needed to do was tell Renee I was leaving her to fend for herself.

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes:**

**No song to google this time! Didn't want to put two in!**

**Let me know what you thought, and if you're even still there!**

**Follow me on twitter for all the goss and news on updates and life, and you can even follow my blog too!**

**Right, I'm off to see Titanic at the cinema with the girls, get the tissues ready!**

**Until next time guys, xx**


	22. A House Is Not A Home

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

**No, you're not seeing things!**

**Hello everyone! How are we? Long time no see and all that :/**

**I got the most number of reviews for the last chapter than any of this fic so far, but I thought enough time had passed and I'd get the chapter out to you. I hope you don't mind that I didn't reply to you all! I promise I don't usually not, it's just that it's been so long :) Thank you to everyone who did review, and everyone who has stuck around to see the next installment of this fic.**

**You might not care, but I'm having serious difficulty writing this one. I don't have an updating schedule at all for this fic at the moment, but I promise to keep working on it - I'm not giving up on it - and that whenever I have a new chapter, I'll get it out to you as quickly as possible.**

**batgirl8968 helped heaps with this, to keep me on track and in with the feeling of this fic, so big hugs to her!**

**Previously - Jasper found out what Edward tried to do and walked out, stating that they were over and that Edward "ruins everything." Edward got his moment with Bella, told her the truth about his fear of her, kissed the girl numb and then got his heart broken when Bella told him Jasper had got there before him. He walked out, a broken man, and Bella realised the epic mistake she'd made. Since then, her music has been picking up on YouTube and James has turned into the star we all love. Bella confronted her mother about her savings and found herself her own place. She's moved out, moved on and moving up with her life, free of Edward, heartache and her mother.**

**xx**

* * *

**Chapter 22 – A House Is Not A Home**

"Bells, this place is beyond amazing…" Heidi was still impressed by my little slice of real estate. I was sitting on my new, oversized corner sofa, glass of wine in hand as she, Felix and Jamie had a look around.

It was sparsely furnished, as I wasn't willing to spend an absolute fortune in one drop.

Heidi and I had been home shopping three times in the past two weeks, picking out cabinets, beds, drawers, sofas, tables and chairs, but I'd yet to actually buy the half of it.

I knew I had enough to cover everything I had chosen and more, but it was one thing to say I wanted it, and another entirely to blow a small fortune on it. The money I had been given by signing the contract with Volturi records sat relatively untouched in my account.

I still didn't feel like I'd earned it. I'd voiced my concerns to Felix during an informal meeting the week before, and he'd laughed off my reservations. In his eyes, I was worth every penny, but a part of me felt off about it.

With the setbacks I'd already encountered since arriving in L.A, mainly Edward and Jasper, I'd done less work than I thought I would have. I'd had imaginings of arriving in the sun-baked city and hammering out records, but it just hadn't happened that way.

Before, with Renee as my manager, I'd been able to sit at a piano and work on new pieces. There was no pressure, sending my stuff away at my own leisure, having it picked up by different record labels and artists and getting paid the next week for my troubles.

I guess I still hadn't gotten used to being paid up front and then working diligently afterwards.

Jamie said my YouTube page was a massive success, but like before, I was still avoiding it. Nothing original had been uploaded to it, and that was what worried me.

I knew I could sing, hell, we all knew I could sing, but that was completely different from writing something new and releasing it to the world for them to judge.

I took my hat off to artists such as Adele who could write a whole album about her heartbreak, something completely personal, and release it out into the world. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do something like that.

Jamie collapsed down onto the sofa beside me, bringing me out of my musings as his fingers worked the muscles out of my calf muscles. I smiled at him gently, again wondering how and what I'd done to deserve his recent affections.

It wasn't unwanted, nor was it inappropriate, and his touch came more and more often. Over the weeks it had become the four of us – Jamie and I, and Heidi and Felix – and despite us just being friends, it still felt like we were two couples.

I felt sad every time I thought about the day that brought us closer. I thought I'd had the "looking glum" down to a tee, but that day at work, Jamie just wasn't himself. Everything else seemed a little duller without his infectious silliness and smile.

He'd refused to take a break, so when I took some lunch back up to the studio for him, I got him to tell me what was bothering him.

It turned out his ex-girlfriend had phoned him that morning to tell him she was seeing someone new. She'd wanted to tell him before any of their friends got the chance. They'd been together for four years and had been friends for ten. Jamie said he'd only broken up with her because she hadn't been able to follow him out to LA and he didn't think a long distance relationship was fair on her.

He said he'd never thought of moving on, or finding someone else, that she'd always been it for him, and it hurt that she had. He'd never really given a thought to her finding someone else while he was gone, but he said he realised it was selfish of him to hope she wouldn't.

We were common souls that day. Both pining for someone hundreds of miles away, both wanting someone we could no longer have. He was doing better since then, but I still caught him staring at the old pictures on his phone with a sad look in his eyes. I hated those days the most, because it was like looking in a mirror – wishing for the past wasn't healthy for anyone.

I rested my head back against the sofa and closed my eyes, letting his touch relax me as I half-listened to Heidi and Felix laugh about something from the kitchen.

I felt at home in that moment, my three friends sharing my new home, staying for some good food and wine, a movie ready to be popped into the machine for entertainment should the chat run out.

I wondered what my mother was doing, and found that I didn't feel nearly as guilty as I once would have. When I'd sat her down on the sofa in my studio, I hadn't thought she'd take my news so well. I'd gently explained to her that I wanted my own space, but that in no way meant I was cutting her off.

She'd become teary, but for the first time in as long as I could remember, she'd put her arms around my shoulders and hugged me to her. She launched into a speech about our relationship, and how, now that she was no longer burdened by managing me, she could see just where she'd gone wrong in the past.

She admitted to putting the money and fame in front of my wellbeing. She admitted to forgetting what we'd left my father behind for, and that she'd forgotten what it was like to be a mother before she was anything else.

I still wasn't sure if I could trust her. I'd mulled the conversation and the tears over and over in my head since it had happened, and I couldn't decided whether she had been acting it all or not.

That saddened me more than anything. It had gone on for so long, that I no longer knew my mother well enough to know if she was being sincere. It was so drastically different from the attitude and comments I'd received from her for years.

It just wasn't conceivable to me that she could change that much, that quickly.

However, she still showed up at the studio most days, sitting quietly behind Jamie as he did his thing. She'd smile at me encouragingly, ask if I needed anything and even go so far as to ask if we could have lunch together.

Up until this point I'd said no, that I was too busy, that I wasn't sure it was a good idea. I still felt bad when I remembered the way her face fell when I told her I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable with it. We didn't know each other anymore, we'd have nothing to say for the duration of a meal, and while it was true, I knew she still held out hope that I'd change my mind one day.

She was continuing to stay at the hotel, and while she'd said she could cover the cost of it, I'd been adamant that I help out. I'd set up a direct debit the day I moved into my new apartment, transferring money into her account every week to keep her afloat. I had no idea if it was enough, or too much, but it was done, and it took a weight off my shoulders.

"What ya thinking about?" Jamie asked me quietly, squeezing my leg in his hand to gain my attention.

"My mom. She's been alone in that hotel for nearly a month now."

"Bella, the way she used to treat you, I don't understand how that could possibly bother you," Heidi answered as she carried a tray of food from her father's restaurant into the living room, Felix on her tail.

"She's still my mom, Heidi. And I don't know, she seems to really be trying…"

"But?" Jamie asked.

"I don't know if I can trust her. There's something about this city; ever since I arrived, no one has turned out to be who I thought they were…including me…." Jamie raised his eyebrows and Heidi coughed causing me to laugh and continue. "Apart from you guys, but you know what I mean. I've changed in the three months I've been here, and I don't know if it's good or bad."

I dropped my head back onto the back of the sofa and stared at the ceiling.

"Don't let the media get to you, Bella. They didn't know the whole story and were only out for one thing. What happened doesn't make you a bad person, you just made a bad decision. We all make mistakes, what makes us better people, is that we learn from them."

Felix whistled at Jamie's philosophical answer and he chuckled, dragging his hand through his hair in a way that reminded me of Edward. I rolled my eyes – everything reminded me of Edward. I wasn't sure there was a moment he wasn't lurking in my mind somewhere.

"Thanks, Jam." It was Jamie's turn to roll his eyes, all of us knowing how much he hated that nickname. Heidi always said it was testament to how much he liked me that he let me keep calling him such a stupid name.

The food was delicious, as it always was, and the wine and conversation flowed freely for hours. It was a Friday night and we were all making the most of having the next day off. Felix had a few afternoon meetings, and I would probably head in to tinker on the piano a little, but having no concrete plans felt good.

I looked towards the glass corner of my living room, seeing the balcony beyond and the lights of L.A beyond that, thinking for the hundredth time how good an upright would look in the empty space.

It was the only thing I'd even contemplated really spending a fortune on, and I was finding it harder and harder to deny how much I wanted it. A piano of my own sounded heavenly, and I was sure it would make the apartment I sat in home.

"Bells, your phone is ringing!" Heidi threw the little contraption towards me and I fumbled as it slipped out of my fingers. I wasn't used to having a flat phone, and was still trying to figure out how to use it.

I'd managed to hit one million views on my YouTube page, and to celebrate, Heidi and Felix had bought me an iPhone. I think I was drunk when I finally accepted it, realising it hadn't really cost them much because it was bought on a contract.

Along with my rent it was the first thing I was paying for myself every month. Well, apart from food and the essentials of course.

"I don't know that number." I frowned at the flashing digits on the screen. "I'm not answering that," I said, a little slurring around the edge of my words.

"Bells, you have like four people in your contact list, everyone is an unknown number!" Jamie replied, causing everyone to laugh. I just stared him down until he mumbled an apology and planted a kiss on my cheek.

At some point during the night we'd fallen together on the sofa, me leaning against his side, his arm lightly resting around my shoulders. It felt comfortable and safe. We both knew the other would never feel anything more than friendship, so it was easy. Being around him was like breathing, and while I'd always count Heidi as my first friend in LA, there was something different about Jamie's friendship that seemed to complete the set.

I swiped my finger across the stupid screen, not knowing if I'd answered the call or not.

Lifting it to my ear I dropped it again, causing everyone to laugh and James to groan my name in sheer frustration. By the time I picked it up, there was no one on the line and we all laughed like it was the funniest thing to ever happen.

As Heidi rolled around on the floor, clutching her stomach, I looked at my phone and had what I thought at the time was a really smart idea. Jamie extricated himself from the sofa and headed to the bathroom, so I let my thumbs tap out a shaky message on my phone.

_Sorry, new phone. Can't use it. Who is this? B._

I sent it without thinking, chucking my phone into the corner of the sofa as Jamie reappeared.

It stayed there for the rest of the night, completely forgotten as our drinking and laughing continued until we all fell asleep where we sat – Heidi and Felix curled up on the floor, and Jamie holding me tightly on the sofa, my head on his chest and his hand in my hair.

I forgot about even sending that text until I checked my messages two days later. There it was, sitting innocently enough under the rest I'd sent and received since. No reply had arrived, so I deleted it, erasing the number from my phone's memory and my own.

I arrived to work on Monday morning, unhappy with the weather and my lack of coffee. Something about the machine breaking right as I walked in the damn coffee shop door. I had never been a morning person, and usually caffeine was the only thing to get me through.

I tried to wave at Heidi as I passed her desk, but she was deep in conversation on the phone, pen flying mercilessly across her pad, and brow furrowed. Knowing it must have been important, I left her to it and headed up to my studio, noticing Jamie hadn't yet arrived. It didn't happen very often that I got in before him, but when it did, I used the time to myself to experiment with the piano.

I'd had ideas floating around my head for weeks, but I'd never managed to put any of them together, or even really give them solid footing. As my fingers caressed the ivory keys, I took a deep breath and let my thoughts take over.

I'd spent the better part of a month trying to forget about Edward and his departure, but no matter how hard I tried, it was still there. The feel of his hands on my skin, the taste of his mouth on mine. I heard the sound of his voice – quiet and reserved – as he told me the truth for the first time. I remembered the look in his eyes as he tried to make me understand.

Then I remembered the pain in my chest when I had to shatter his ideas, the tugging I felt deep inside as he walked away from me. The fissure I felt cracking open when Heidi told me he was gone, the shame I felt when I realized it was my fault. The disgust at myself when I realized I'd used two guys at the same time – two best friends – and pitted them against one another unknowingly. The hurt I felt when I lost both of them.

My fingers were flying over the keys angrily until the same melody sounded again and again. It smoothed out when I thought over all the headlines I'd read in that same month – the ones about me, the ones about Jasper, but mostly the ones about Edward.

He was back in New York, back to his old ways: the drinking, the girls, the parties. There was barely a day that went passed without a picture of him falling out of some club with two girls on his arm from the night before.

_The days are long, and the nights so cold,_

_The pages turn, and the tale unfolds,_

_He left me for another lady._

_She stood so tall, and she never slept_

_There was not one moment he could regret,_

_He left me for another lady._

I was surprised at the waver in my voice as I sang, and the way my thoughts lined up perfectly, giving me clarity and certainty in what I was saying. I tried the same melody again, changing a few notes to cancel out any dissonance. My voice had clashed with a few chords, and I swapped them around and tried again. My fingers changed, my foot pressed and the notes rand out around me as I moved on.

He took my hand one day and told me, he was leaving, me disbelieving

And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I

Had to let him go.

Her name was New York, New York

And she took his heart away,

Her name was New York, New York

She had poisoned his sweet mind.

I fell silent. New York had never appealed to me, even when I'd stayed there, but I remembered Jamie saying it was by far the best city in the world. The soul, the music, the sounds, the feel, everything was alive he'd said. I wondered if Edward liked being there, if he felt alive while he was there.

For the first time since he'd left, I wished with every part of my being that he'd walk back through my door. Maybe he'd smile, or maybe he'd just smirk cockily as I lost my nerve with whatever I'd been playing. He'd sit on the couch behind Jamie, cross his legs at his ankles and stretch out like he owned the place, revelling in the way I completely fell apart in his presence.

God, I missed him.

My eyes snapped up when the door did open, but my entire body sagged when Jamie's head appeared first, before the rest of his body slid through the doorway. I was clearly delusional. Edward was on the opposite side of the country, partying constantly, getting laid as often as possible, and back to drinking me out of his system.

He'd given all that up for me when he thought he had a chance, but if the tabloids were right, he'd slipped right back into his old ways when he'd touched down in New York. The guilt that normally hit me, washed over me from top-to-toe – he was living dangerously, avoiding whatever it was he was afraid of, and I'd helped, for a while. I'd even managed to ruin that.

Jamie was unaware of my internal struggle as he flicked through the mail.

"Bells, there's one here for you. Looks like some fancy invite…"

My curiosity piqued, and I tried to rein in my emotions concerning Edward as I padded out to the sound booth. He was right, the envelope he handed me was made of expensive paper, with a silver ribbon weaved through the top of it. My name and address was written beautifully on the front and my heart picked up in speed as I thought how close it resembled Edward's handwriting.

On closer inspection, however, it was glaringly obvious it wasn't. The curls on the letters were too feminine to be his and I had to tell myself to get a grip as I gently slid my finger under the fold and tore it open.

I pulled out the card and read it aloud.

Miss Isabella Swan

Is cordially invited to

The official press party from Volturi Records

Requested presence by one

Edward Anthony Cullen

I stuttered his name in shock, not believing it was right there in black and white. Jamie's head snapped up as he stared at me, his mouth opening and closing as he decided what to say.

"Jesus, he's only been gone for a month…" He held out his hand and I shakily placed the card in his grasp before sinking into the chair nearest me.

It was a typed invitation, hundreds of them had undoubtedly been sent out, but by whom? Who'd written the guest list? Who'd looked over it to make sure it was right? Was Edward aware one had been sent to me? Had he asked for one to be sent to me?

Dozens of questions circled my head as Jamie read the accompanying letter. For a minute I wanted to snatch it back, wondering if Edward had slipped a personal note into the envelope, but I noticed it too was typed and formal.

"He's coming back to L.A. He hasn't finished his album, but they're holding a press party to announce its release date and he's going to perform some of the songs on it. This is huge. The publicity for this thing will bring the city to its knees. He's never done this before."

"But why have I been invited?" I asked, cringing at the uncertainty in my voice.

Jamie looked at me sadly, sympathetically as he answered me. "You're a Volturi artist, they'll have been sent out to everyone. I'm sorry, Bella."

I felt my face flame.

I wasn't sure what he was apologising for. The fact that I'd been sent one in the first place, or that he knew I wanted Edward to have asked for me personally. Or that he hadn't.

I felt rejection wash over me, but it was my own fault. How had I thought so foolishly? I thought I'd grown up, but the mere mention of Edward's return had me hopeful and naïve.

I'd hurt him.

He hated me for it.

I'd broken his only true friendship.

I'd made him flee back to the city he'd only just left.

He was an asshole.

I stopped short, wondering where that thought had come from. It hurt me to think of it as true, but I had to grow up. It was true.

The way he had treated me at the start couldn't be overshadowed by two civil conversations and a kiss I was likely to never forget.

He used women for his own advantage; he drank excessively, and didn't care what he said or did when under the influence. He was an asshole.

He might have been a troubled asshole, but it didn't change the facts. I needed to stop being a naïve little girl who wanted to see the good in everyone. I may have missed him, dreamt about him and wished he were back in my everyday life, but he didn't want the same thing.

He'd made an effort for all of five minutes and I needed to remember that at the first sign of things being difficult, he'd given up and run away. That didn't make him a man, it just made him selfish.

I couldn't ponder on my niggling thoughts. The ones that told me it was my fault he'd given up and run away, that I'd given him no reason to hope or stay. If I listened to those thoughts, it would be far easier for me to get hurt in the future.

* * *

**Author's Chapter End Notes (PLEASE READ):**

**Realistically, I couldn't keep Edward out of this any longer, so yes, he is making a return! Once he's back, things will pick up and move forward without jumping time too much :)**

**Thank you all for your patience and understanding, I hope most of you are back on this journey with me! Hope to hear from you soon :)**

**Follow me on twitter - at SarahhhhhhJane - or subscribe to my blog for email updates on teasers and goss :D www . liveindakata . blogspot . com**

**Also, the companion piece for this story, the EPOV I wrote for Fandom 4 Tsunami about 2 years ago! It will be posting soon. It's only a one shot, but I know a lot of you wanted to read it at the time. Add me as a fave author if you want to know when it goes up, otherwise I'll tell you on my blog :D**

**See you soon hopefully xx**


End file.
